drama - HecklerSpray

Skins Review: It Is Finally Over!

August 6th, 2012 By Lauren Mullineaux

Relief, sweet relief as we can finally be quoted accurately on declaring the end of Skins and the start of summer, two things we love more than Michael Barrymore?s pool parties ? can we get a Roflcopter?

It's a slow start to the demise of the series as we know it ? yes guys, sorry to say it's going down shortly, after one final amazefuck of a series with members of each and every cast, probably at uni doing absolutely shit tons of work and writing dissertations on the representation of youth in the media, or not, you know.

Anyway, yeah, so Frankie is around hunting her mum like she's in a bloody day-glow version of The Hunger Games or something. She's wearing the same jacket she has been for about nine weeks and its filthy which makes us admire the attention to detail, it's these little grubby bits that really make the difference.

Soap Spoilers! Killers! Hoodies! Holidays!

August 6th, 2012 By Joanna Bolouri

Hello Soap fans! Did you have a good weekend? Don’t answer that, we’re only being polite. We couldn’t care less how your weekend went, we’re only filling up some space before we launch into this week’s Soap Spoilers. ?

We’re heartless and selfish but this is why you want us in a dirty way. Don’t bother denying it, we’re still not listening.

Enough with all this small talk and shameless flirting, let’s find out what’s happening to people in Soapland who are clearly much better than you lot.

Skins: Beds That Smell Of Vagina

August 6th, 2012 By Lauren Mullineaux

Here?s us getting all ready to talk to you about the Skins season finale and how that ending was a bit monumentally rubbish hanging off all the cliffs in the Lake District and it's only going to be bloody well on again next week isn't it?

We found that out through the cleverly titled, ?Next Week,? section at the end in case you were wondering what sort of powers we had.

On the whole we've noticed that Skins is peaking as the unusually fast pregnancy plot moves along.

Soap Spoilers! Murder! Infertility! Jeremy Kyle?

August 5th, 2012 By Joanna Bolouri

Hello maniacs. Yes, another week has dragged past and here we are again, drugged up to the eyeballs and ready to bring you news from Soapland before it actually happens, hopefully ruining your week before it even begins.

Last week we told you that Heather from Eastenders was going to die and this didn’t happen unfortunately, proving that our sources are either stinking liars or that the BBC decided to drag it out a bit longer. Either way, our ‘Burn in Hell Heather!’ street party on Friday was a tad premature. Still, we’ve kept the bunting for this week, when she is DEFINITELY going to meet the big magic fairy in the sky and we can start drinking again.

Let’s do this you miserable monkeys.

Skins Review: Hark! A Vagrant!

August 6th, 2012 By Lauren Mullineaux

?Fresh Meat is coming up in an hour,? are our most dreaded words, not because we?d rather crawl into an oven than watch anything where Jack Whitehall plays Jack Whitehall, but because they mean Skins is on for the next sixty minutes.

It's all right though, because, this is the penultimate episode so as well as wondering how you spent a good eight weeks watching this in absolute isolation, you can look forward to the days where people might consider letting you near them again without risk of you blurting out terms of endearment that involve the word, ?Delish.?

For now though we're all going to happily continue from where we left of which is exactly with; Oh hark, a vagrant!

Soap Spoilers! Murder! MRI Scans! Nits!

August 5th, 2012 By Joanna Bolouri

Hello Soap Fans! Have a good weekend? Did you spend hours licking that signed poster of Harold Bishop, while everyone else actually left their bedrooms and?socialised? Thought so, LOSERS!! Still, you’re our losers and we know how important this kak is to you, so let’s take a look at what’s happening in Soapland this week, you lonely, lonely people.

Eastenders first as usual, where Ben confesses to Ian that his statement to the police about Phil ?was a load of old crap but it’s OK because everyone hates Phil anyway and he’s doing the world a favour by keeping his screen time to a minimum.

After seeing that someone has kicked the smile right off Phil’s face in prison, Ian?decides to grass Ben up to that police woman Marsden who has never actually gathered a shred of evidence on her own. Ben gets arrested, thinks Heather has grassed him up and apparently has a ‘terrible fight’ with Heather, which we all know is code for ‘stabs her until she is dead.‘ ?This has been a long time coming and we cannot wait.

Skins: Killed With Fire, Never Again To Appear On A Television Set Near You

March 8th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Are you a fan of thoroughly and comprehensively unrealistic teen-dramas that pass themselves off as hard-hitting, issue-heavy dramadies, prone to firing its cast every 5 minutes? You’re probably stupid enough to like Skins then… which has just been killed.

No, not killed and prone to return with TV executives realising what a terrible mistake they’ve made.

Skins has been axed, cancelled, thrown into the bin, rubbished, pooh-poohed, left to rot… CANCELLED CANCELLED CANCELLED by E4 because, basically, no-one likes it anymore and it is obviously far too expensive to make. Besides, everyone’s watching Misfits these days.

Skins Review: Getting All Serious About Kiddie Fiddlers

August 6th, 2012 By Lauren Mullineaux

It seems only apt that Skins comes on after Embarrassing Bodies (which we have just realised is on a different channel) as every single one of the ?young adults? that consistently get their kit off on this programme should be ashamed of their skin sacks which are here being used for little other than to hold their organs in nearly the right places.

They should be embarrassed that, no matter what age they are, every single one of them is wearing tight hugging day glow boxers and ill-fitting bras. And they never wear those for long. And have you seen their sodding jewellery?

Congratulations are due to Skins though who last night tackled a real subject or at least attempted to. Alo was sent down kicking and screaming for cherry picking in the My Little Pony field, which as we all know is just plain sick and good television it does make as Skins effortlessly rode it's way to one of the best episodes of the season so far.

Soap Spoilers! Frank Dies! Fire Confessions! Chris Lives!

August 5th, 2012 By Joanna Bolouri

Last week ?hecklerspray writer Joanna Bolouri was in hospital having her final shred of dignity removed, and as no one else in the bedsit ~~could be arsed~~ was available to bring you news from Soapland, we just missed it out . ?We’d like to apologise for this oversight but we won’t – screw you.

Fear not, the spoilers return again this week giving you something to live for and?undoubtedly?brightening up your grotty, grotty little lives.

Ready to read something which will distract you from that porn site for at least 2 minutes? Excellent.

Skins Review: Sweaty, Sweaty, Skin

August 6th, 2012 By Lauren Mullineaux

Come on guys you know the Skins drill by now: Bristol, rich kids, drugs, drama, overwrought emotional turmoil, and sweat… buckets and buckets of filthy sweat dripping from practically every pore of every person.

And this week’s Skins hasn’t left us asking specific questions about it, rather, more of a pondering on an overarching issue. Basically, have you noticed that the entire world and all its inhabitants are based in Bristol? No matter how unlikely it is to find?Moroccan drug lords and Russian gangsters in Bristol, there they all are.

We’ve been to Bristol, and multicultural it ain’t.