Dr Phil Nauses Up Another TV Show Getting beaten up isn't fun, getting beaten up on YouTube is even less fun, but being beaten up on YouTube and having Dr Phil bail out your attackers is a scorching new level of anti-fun. So Victoria Lindsay much have thr right grumps at the moment. Not so long ago, Victoria Lindsay was viciously beaten by eight mostly-female teenagers who intended to post the video on YouTube and become the new Chocolate Rain or whatever. And when Dr Phil heard about this, he thought "Lummy, a child in danger! Only I can help her!" Actually that's not the case at all - Dr Phil thought "Whoopee! Easy ratings!" and decided to make an episode of his show about it, quickly helping one of the suspects post bond so she could appear on it. But now the episode has been cancelled because of Dr Phil's suspect ethics. And now nobody's lives will change because a fat bald man shouted a worn-out catchphrase at them. Literally nobody wins.

Britney Spears’ Family Narked Off With Dr Phil

Dr Phil never says so on his show, but the best way to solve a problem is to sweep it under the carpet and pretend it never existed.

Everyone knows that - it's the reason why all the hecklerspray staff are such well-rounded, perfectly normal individuals. It's also the reason why the family of Britney Spears have all got the hump with Dr Phil for speaking out publicly about Britney's recent psychological snafu. Dr Phil, they say, have broken the Spears' circle of trust.

And circles of trust are a lot like hymens - once broken they can only be repaired by complicated, expensive and largely unnecessary surgical procedures. We think. 

Dr Phil Ditches That Whole Britney Spears Episode Idea This morning we woke up in an unusually delicious mood knowing that, by bedtime, Dr Phil would have single-handedly solved all of Britney Spears' crazy problems on his downhome self-help TV show.

It was an exciting thought - that maybe by the time we tucked ourselves up in our one big communal hecklerspray bed (head-to-toe, we're not perverts) - Dr Phil would have restored factory settings on Britney Spears, reverting her back into the Britney we love best, the provocatively-virginal schoolgirl who dressed up in pigtails and a miniskirt and asked grown men to hit her. But sadly that hasn't happened because Dr Phil has cancelled today's scheduled Britney Spears episode as a result, citing pressure from the Spears family.

Lesson learnt, Dr Phil has decided to instead do a show entitled Fine, But Don't Come Running To Me Next Time Your Minge Is All Over The Internet.

Britney Spears’ Meltdown: Don’t Worry, Dr Phil’s On It

Now that she's at her lowest-ever ebb, it seems obvious that what Britney Spears needs is some homespun, slightly sensationalist advice given by a TV presenter who looks like a shaved bear.

So with that in mind, thank Christ that Dr Phil has taken it upon himself to personally wade in and resolve to fix Britney Spears' broken mind forever. According reports, Dr Phil managed to accompany Britney Spears home after her weird little episode on Thursday evening that ended up with her being wheeled to hospital in a stretcher for psychological tests. And Dr Phil is so hell-bent on sorting out Britney Spears' life that he's even going to do a TV show all about it tomorrow. And quite right too, because if anything's going to set Britney onto the straight and narrow it's the sight of a chubby bald man pointing at a photo of her and shouting "Let's do it! Get real!" 350 times on the trot on daytime TV.