Sometimes it’s hard for pop artists, isn’t it? When Britney feared she was becoming irrelevant, she reached for the bottle labelled “substep” and shaved her head, while J-Lo’s relative obscurity in recent years was remedied by a genuinely insulting and lazy attempts at songs about dancing and drinking too much.

But nothing keeps a musician relevant like an assault charge and an addiction now, does it?

Sarah Harding of Girls Aloud announced today, just after a story about her and boyfriend Theo de Vries kicking lumps out of each other came out this week, that the couple met in rehab for their respective drinking problems. Now, it’s not that we’re taking a pop at recovering addicts and victims of domestic abuse. Far from it. In fact, you go, girl!

The, er, blonde one from the pop group is facing charges of assault after a particularly violent row with said boyfriend on holiday in Austria.

When they should have been skiing, eating Muesli together or enjoying the work of pioneering Austrian filmmaker Sascha Kolowrat (thanks, Wikipedia), they were emptying mini-bars to avoid temptation, but eventually sneaked in some wine and everything ended up ‘a bit Tekken’.

Obviously, domestic abuse is never funny, but it could be just the thing to revive Girls Aloud and Harding’s personal stock.

Look at history: when noted feminist Dr Dre had a hilarious misunderstanding with a female American rapper and “television personality” Dee Barnes in 1991, it didn’t affect his bad-boy image, and he went on to redefine hip-hop. Chris Brown took issue with ex-girlfriend Rihanna, and look at him now; his fan base is unflinchingly loyal (to a genuinely terrifying extent). Harding can even look at her pal Cheryl Tweedy/Cole/Whatever, who went from abuser of toilet attendants to national treasure in less than 5 years. It just works.

So it’s not all bad, Sarah. Just switch to Ribena and stop hanging out with dickheads, and you could be a talent judge in a few years’ time! Great!

This was a guest article by Euan L Davidson who is planning on assaulting as many people as possible in a bid to become the next Joe Swash or something.

50 Cent is an astonishing man. He’s the one who opened the door for ‘deaf rap’. No, not ‘def’. We mean ‘hard of hearing’ because, if you listen to his style, he sounds like he’s got a sock for a tongue. This paved the way for many, many tone deaf rappers.

If your skills and flow are severely limited, then the best thing to do is to court controversy.

And that is exactly what 50 Cent is doing as he’s saying he won’t release another album on Interscope and also threatening to leak Dr. Dre’s new single ‘Psycho’. And grow a proper tongue.

50 explained his plans for his Black Magic album, which he actually recorded but scrapped because he’s more interested in his new untitled cut…

“No, it has a whole new title. It’s a whole different energy. The Black Magic music, I have it, and I’ll probably use it in, maybe, a film project.”

That all sounds very professional and PR, but on twitter, he was running his mouth off.

“Man I’m not releasing a album. I can’t believe Interscope is this fucked up right now. I apologize to my fans”

“I will work with other artists on their projects but I will not put out another album. They dropped the ball with me one time too many.”

He then threatened that he would be “putting out” Dr. Dre’s next Detox single on Wednesday in retaliation against Interscope.

“You’re gonna love it, it’s a big song. I just don’t think it deserves a great setup since they can’t seem to get it right when it comes to me”

Meanwhile, the rest of the world awakes from its slumber wondering what in fuck’s name all the fuss is about while simultaneously completely ignoring new 50 track called ‘I’m On It’ which appeared online this week.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!

10 - It’s probably safe to assume that Megan Fox has manky hands – Amy Grindhouse

9 – The Beatles: Surrey’s greatest export. No, really – SurreyHerald

8 - Something about evil babies. EVIL BABIES! – Cracked

7 - An opera version of a Dr Dre song. Marvellous - YouTube

6 - Five sinister newsreaders – Watchwithmothers

5 - Robocop sells out for Korean chicken- Geekologie

4 - Dolph Lundgren sings A Little Less Conversation by Elvis Presley, dances, plays the drums, punches through three planks of wood, obliterates four giant bars made of ice and then finishes singing A Little Less Conversation by Elvis Presley. In that order. You must watch this – Best Week Ever

3 - Go to the Philippines, sing My Way at a karaoke bar, end up dead. Nope, nothing weird about that – Asylum

2 – Nile Crane raps. FOR FOUR FUCKING MINUTES – My Chemical Toilet

1 - Ten minutes of Star Trek actors making sex noises. You’re welcome…

The death of Andre Young Jr – the 20-year-old son of Dr Dre – has shocked many, mainly because nobody seems to know why he even died.

Andre Young Jr was found dead on Saturday morning. However, the auopsy carried out on his body offered no clues into his cause of death. And that means that everyone involved will have to go through an uncomfortable wait while a toxicology test is carried out.

As sad as this obviously is, the parallels between Dr Dre’s son and Anna Nicole Smith are painfully clear. In short this story will probably go on forever, with weird scary clown facepaint videos and a lengthy investigation into the paternity of Andre Young Jr’s bab… no, wait, it’s nothing like Anna Nicole Smith’s death. Sorry.

We haven’t really covered the untimely death of Dr Dre’s 20-year-old son Andre Young Jr yet. We’re not sure why, since the tragic deaths of non-celebrities is obviously such a rich mine of comedy, isn’t it?

But, to get you up to speed, at around 10am on Saturday morning, Andre Young Jr was found unresponsive in his bed by his mother after a night out with friend. Shortly afterwards, he was declared dead by paramedics.

That in itself must be upsetting enough for Andre’s parents, but the news has been compounded by the fact that his autopsy was inconclusive and he now has to go through a toxicology test. People reports:

“We don’t know yet why he died,” Capt. Ed Winter told PEOPLE Wednesday. “There were no signs of trauma or foul play. We’ll be doing toxicology and other tests, which will take up to six weeks.” A toxicology test is “mainly to determine whether alcohol or drugs played a part in a person’s death,” Capt. Winter said.

Meanwhile, Dr Dre himself has released a statement about Andre’s death:

“Dr. Dre is mourning the loss of his son. Please respect his family’s grief and privacy at this time.”

So, for once, we will.