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When Sean Penn’s not being pestered by Scarlett Johansson on the rebound, he’s being all philanthropic and all that jive. Of course, having a political persuasion means you’ll rub some people up the wrong way and they shout at you.
Mercifully for Sean Penn, he’s a grade-a bitch. He has put-downs that could almost match the output of a drag queen convention.
And who found this out at their cost? Why, if it wasn’t a co-star of his who accused Penn of being a Communist. What fun!
Donald Trump is a man of many talents; he pioneered the modern day comb over, he discovered that President Obama was actually a Senegalese street cleaner called Babacar Ousamane, causing him to resign from the Presidency and is rumoured to have been the man who killed Kim Jong-il, with a Chuck Norris style roundhouse.
But now, ‘The Donald,’ as he is known, has made his most audacious claim yet, he (and he alone) is personally responsible for the meteoric rise to fame of the 21st Century musical behemoth, Lady Gaga.
Scarlett Johansson’s boobs. She showed them off to us by accident didn’t she? That’s probably the thing she’ll be remembered for when she dies. Boobs, oh and she did some films. Better to be remembered for titties than forgotten entirely, right?
Either way, we’re not here to talk about breasts all day. We’re talking marriage. Pull up a seat. Let’s get deep.
See, Scarlett is under the assumption that marrying Ryan Reynolds was one of the best decisions she ever made. She split with him after two years and made one of the most annoying perfume adverts in history. But it was still totally the best thing she ever did. Ryan Reynolds. Think about that.
Cher has a son. He’s called Chaz. Chaz used to be a girl, but now isn’t. And that’s fine because what he looks at when naked in the mirror doesn’t affect anyone but him or who he has sex with. Right? WRONG.
See, America – because it’s filled with judgemental Christian dickheads – completely believes that Chaz Bono’s genitalia it’s everyone business.
That’s why there’s a load of hooting fools all kicking off about Chaz’s appearance on Dancing With the Stars. WHAT WOULD JESUS SAY? You’d hope Jesus would have better things to do with his time than watching dreadful dancing competitions. And Cher? She’s not happy about it at all.
Ryan Reynolds – man that is made entirely of gym instructions – and Charlize Theron – a woman designed to occupy thongs – have apparently been dating for months, and were both so simple minded (much like cows in a field) that they forgot to tell anyone… including themselves.
A source close to the pair has revealed to at least four people who were half-listening, that the pair are officially ‘in a relationship’, telling reporters: “They’re exclusive, and it’s very hush-hush.”
Presumably, even Charlize Theron doesn’t want to admit that she’s going steady with the man responsible for the dreadful, dreadful Green Lantern film.
It’s nice to know that, even though you’re widely regarded to be one of the most beautiful humans who ever walked this pathetic excuse of a planet, you can still be hugely flawed and make an idiot of yourself before someone you really, really fancy.
We’re talking about Scarlett Johansson and her besottery with Sean Penn, perhaps one of the most baffling celebrity hook-ups in a decade, what with him having a face like wrinkled elbow-scrag.
See, it appears that the romance between the Hollywood beaut and the wizened actor had to die because Scarlett was into Penn way too much, leaving him widening his eyes and mouthing ‘What the f…’
You may well think that Scarlett Johansson is the most beautiful woman you’ve even seen, which probably means that you think you don’t stand a chance of ever making out with her. Well you do, because she’s decided to tap a troll-faced Sean Penn. Repeatedly. While Barack Obama watches on.
That’s right mingers, Johansson has long been rumoured to be swapping fluids with Penn, despite the fact he could curdle the vapour in the air with his foul face.
And while in the presence of President Obama, Mila Kunis and Donald Trump, Scarlett decided to indulge in a spot of heavy petting with Penn at Saturday’s White House Correspondents Dinner in Washington, D.C. Honestly. They were like teenagers at a roller disco, all grunting and dribbles.
While Cher may have had a few unsightly blips in the timeline of her life – notably being an idiot with regards to her child’s transgenderness and, far far worse, the ‘Believe’ single – she’s absolutely bang on with her observations about Donald Trump.
Sadly, Cher hasn’t gone as far as pointing about that Trump’s haircut looks like it has been back-combed from his anus hairs, all the way up his back, and weaved together atop his elbow scrag head.
She has, however, taken to tweeting that Donald Trump is a “pompous asshole”. There really is no disputing that is there? Cher dated Gene Simmons from Kiss, so she knows a pompous asshole when she sees one. And this all came about after a segment of America decided to make itself look really rather racist.
