Articles tagged with: Donald Trump
Carrie Prejean Sex Tape: But What Does Donald Trump Think?
If you're new to this, here's a recap: Carrie Prejean made a sex tape when she was 17 and sent it to Larry King. Or something. What with all the on-air tantrums and over-use of the word 'inappropriate' and solo sex tapes that are either illegal or just plain sexy, this Carrie Prejean kerfuffle is exploding off in so many directions that it's become impossible to contain. What we need is someone to simplify everyone. Someone with an air of natural authority. Someone with a haircut that looks like a monkey's matted stab wound. That's right, we need Donald Trump. And, because this is a thing that has happened and Donald Trump will shrivel up and die unless someone's constantly paying attention to him, he's obliged. Hooray.
If you're new to this, here's a recap: Carrie Prejean made a sex tape when she was 17 and sent it to Larry King. Or something. What with all the on-air tantrums and over-use of the word 'inappropriate' and solo sex tapes that are either illegal or just plain sexy, this Carrie Prejean kerfuffle is exploding off in so many directions that it's become impossible to contain. What we need is someone to simplify everyone. Someone with an air of natural authority. Someone with a haircut that looks like a monkey's matted stab wound. That's right, we need Donald Trump. And, because this is a thing that has happened and Donald Trump will shrivel up and die unless someone's constantly paying attention to him, he's obliged. Hooray.
Carrie Prejean Gets The Boot For Being A Terrible Person
Do you like models? Do you like Christians? Do you like people who are both of those things and never ever shut up about it? You do? You're in for a treat - Carrie Prejean is back in the news! Notice that we didn't refer to her as 'Miss California Carrie Prejean', by the way. That's because she's not Miss California any more - Donald Trump has just belatedly given her the boot. Depending on who you listen to, Carrie Prejean was sacked for any number of reasons - but let's just save time and say it's because she's a genuinely unlovable turdswan.
Do you like models? Do you like Christians? Do you like people who are both of those things and never ever shut up about it? You do? You're in for a treat - Carrie Prejean is back in the news! Notice that we didn't refer to her as 'Miss California Carrie Prejean', by the way. That's because she's not Miss California any more - Donald Trump has just belatedly given her the boot. Depending on who you listen to, Carrie Prejean was sacked for any number of reasons - but let's just save time and say it's because she's a genuinely unlovable turdswan.
Shanna Moakler Gets Her Knickers In A Twist Over Carrie Prejean
You might think that everybody was utterly bored by Carrie Prejean by now. But you'd be completely wrong. Because there's still Miss California co-director Shanna Moakler. Even though Donald Trump has already allowed Carrie Prejean to keep the Miss California title, Shanna Moakler refuses to give up the fight - she's still there, figuratively standing on the mountaintop waving the flag. Admittedly it's a flag made out of nobody cares and she's standing top of Mount Shut Up, but never mind. Anyway, Shanna Moakler has resigned from her job in protest at Carrie Prejean. Weird, huh? Shanna Moakler had a job?
You might think that everybody was utterly bored by Carrie Prejean by now. But you'd be completely wrong. Because there's still Miss California co-director Shanna Moakler. Even though Donald Trump has already allowed Carrie Prejean to keep the Miss California title, Shanna Moakler refuses to give up the fight - she's still there, figuratively standing on the mountaintop waving the flag. Admittedly it's a flag made out of nobody cares and she's standing top of Mount Shut Up, but never mind. Anyway, Shanna Moakler has resigned from her job in protest at Carrie Prejean. Weird, huh? Shanna Moakler had a job?
Donald Trump: Carrie Prejean Can Be Miss California FOREVER!
Alright, not forever. But yesterday Donald Trump let Carrie Prejean stay as Miss California despite her nonsense. It was generous of Donald Trump, since it was thought that Carrie Prejean had violated Miss California law by getting naked for a bunch of photographs and then saying that she didn't want to live next to any gay people in case they broke into her house in the night and wiped their balls on her face. We're paraphrasing. But Carrie Prejean is still Miss California. Admittedly the most disliked Miss California since that child-murdering Nazi goose was accidentally crowned in 1975, but whatever.
Alright, not forever. But yesterday Donald Trump let Carrie Prejean stay as Miss California despite her nonsense. It was generous of Donald Trump, since it was thought that Carrie Prejean had violated Miss California law by getting naked for a bunch of photographs and then saying that she didn't want to live next to any gay people in case they broke into her house in the night and wiped their balls on her face. We're paraphrasing. But Carrie Prejean is still Miss California. Admittedly the most disliked Miss California since that child-murdering Nazi goose was accidentally crowned in 1975, but whatever.
Carrie Prejean’s Replacement Gets Lined Up, Just In Case
Today is a big day for Carrie Prejean. Today Donald Trump decides if she's allowed to keep her Miss California crown. If Carrie Prejean remains Miss California, reaction will be mixed. Gay marriage campaigners will obviously see it as a slap in the face. Similarly, it'll be brilliant news for any other pretty bigots with beauty queen aspirations. No longer will an intolerance for black people or a desire to punch all animals in the face stand between them and very minor fame. But if Carrie Prejean does go, the pageant directors have lined up a handy-dandy Plan-B alternative.
Today is a big day for Carrie Prejean. Today Donald Trump decides if she's allowed to keep her Miss California crown. If Carrie Prejean remains Miss California, reaction will be mixed. Gay marriage campaigners will obviously see it as a slap in the face. Similarly, it'll be brilliant news for any other pretty bigots with beauty queen aspirations. No longer will an intolerance for black people or a desire to punch all animals in the face stand between them and very minor fame. But if Carrie Prejean does go, the pageant directors have lined up a handy-dandy Plan-B alternative.
Carrie Prejean Gay Kerfuffle: Relax, Donald Trump’s On It
This stuff about Miss California Carrie Prejean is a mess. It's a mess that only a man can fix. OK, not a man. It's a mess that only a ridiculous shaved bear in a gaudy suit with what appears to be an orangutan's hairy bottom perched on top of his head can fix. And by that, we clearly mean Donald Trump. Donald Trump has vowed to personally get to the bottom of Carrie Prejean's recent anti-gay activities. No, sorry, 'bottom' is an unfortunate choice of word. He's vowed to bum it blind in a nightclub toilet. There, that's better.
This stuff about Miss California Carrie Prejean is a mess. It's a mess that only a man can fix. OK, not a man. It's a mess that only a ridiculous shaved bear in a gaudy suit with what appears to be an orangutan's hairy bottom perched on top of his head can fix. And by that, we clearly mean Donald Trump. Donald Trump has vowed to personally get to the bottom of Carrie Prejean's recent anti-gay activities. No, sorry, 'bottom' is an unfortunate choice of word. He's vowed to bum it blind in a nightclub toilet. There, that's better.
Joan Rivers Is The New Facially Immobile Celebrity Apprentice
What is the one thing The Apprentice has taught us? That's right, that emotion has no place in the business environment. And that's probably why Joan Rivers won Celebrity Apprentice last night - thanks to all the plastic surgery she's had, the only emotion she can ever properly display is a kind of constant resigned shock. But let's stick to the point here - Joan Rivers won Celebrity Apprentice last night. So congratulations, Joan Rivers - you're now officially as good as Piers Morgan. Please celebrate this fact in the appropriate way, by which we mean either sobbing relentlessly or haplessly attempting suicide.
What is the one thing The Apprentice has taught us? That's right, that emotion has no place in the business environment. And that's probably why Joan Rivers won Celebrity Apprentice last night - thanks to all the plastic surgery she's had, the only emotion she can ever properly display is a kind of constant resigned shock. But let's stick to the point here - Joan Rivers won Celebrity Apprentice last night. So congratulations, Joan Rivers - you're now officially as good as Piers Morgan. Please celebrate this fact in the appropriate way, by which we mean either sobbing relentlessly or haplessly attempting suicide.
Donald Trump’s Casino: You’re Bankrupt
Think of Donald Trump and you think success. Well, no, actually you think of a bellowing nitwit with the world's worst haircut. But then you think success. And that's why today's news must be incredibly humiliating for Donald Trump - the casino firm that bears his name has filed for bankruptcy. Still, Donald Trump has absolved himself of any responsibility in the demise of his casinos, and the next Apprentice season will carry on as normal, with a group of hard-nosed businessmen fighting for the chance to sell stolen DVD players from the boot of Trump's car in a B&Q carpark.
Think of Donald Trump and you think success. Well, no, actually you think of a bellowing nitwit with the world's worst haircut. But then you think success. And that's why today's news must be incredibly humiliating for Donald Trump - the casino firm that bears his name has filed for bankruptcy. Still, Donald Trump has absolved himself of any responsibility in the demise of his casinos, and the next Apprentice season will carry on as normal, with a group of hard-nosed businessmen fighting for the chance to sell stolen DVD players from the boot of Trump's car in a B&Q carpark.
