It’s the final of Dancing On Ice on Sunday and, despite all the nasty things we’ve said about it lately, we’re sad.
Why? Because we’ve just realised that throughout Dancing On Ice, Jane Torvill has been dressing in an increasingly inappropriate way, culminating on Sunday with an outfit that she appeared to have stolen from a teenage girl. If Dancing On Ice had lasted just a month longer, we swear we’d be seeing her in a nappy and bib. And now we won’t. Sad.
Never mind, here’s the Dancing On Ice final rundown for Donal MacIntyre…
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Now that the Dancing On Ice final is less than a fortnight away, the required elements in each show are starting to get harder and harder.
There was no more clowning around on with hats, or doing pansified synchronised spins, on Sunday’s Dancing On Ice. No, instead they had to pull off one of the hardest moves known to man. They had to jump up and down. Truly, Dancing On Ice, you’re advancing the nature of humanity as we know it.
Here’s the Dancing On Ice rundown for Donal MacIntyre…
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Sunday was our favourite Dancing On Ice of the entire series – it was Prop Night. Oh, how we love Prop Night.
And what daredevil props were the Dancing On Ice contestants given to work with? A set of flaming torches? Razor wire? That lion on ice skates that we wished for last week? No. In actual fact the props included a hat. And a scarf. And a stick. Well done, Dancing On Ice. They were the three most exciting things we could think of as well.
Anyway, here’s the Dancing On Ice rundown for Donal MacIntyre…
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We don’t know about you, but we were shocked on Sunday. Shocked.
The Dancing On Ice theme nights that we’ve been enjoying so much weren’t there at all on Sunday. Instead we had to make do with a choreographed interpretation of a Will Young song. Will Young, for crying out loud. The only choreographed interpretation we’ve ever done to a Will Young song has involved slowly drifting off to sleep at the wheel of a car. Disappointing.
Here’s our Dancing On Ice rundown for Roxanne Pallet and Donal MacIntyre…
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Oh Dancing On Ice, how could you do this to us? First you get rid of Todd Carty and now Eller Hanley too?
Ellery Hanley was voted off Dancing On Ice last night, and for a very good reason – although he could easily beat you in a fight, his ice skating is dreadful. To be fair, Ellery’s routine last night to Come On Eileen had some good points. It’s just that none of them happened to include ice skating. Truly, the man was awful.
So, Ellery Hanley’s out, but here’s the Dancing On Ice rundown for Melinda Messenger and Donal MacIntyre…
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Right, our last reason to watch Dancing On Ice has now vanished for good – Todd Carty’s been voted off.
Don’t you people understand? Todd Carty was meant to be the glorious popular underdog all through Dancing On Ice, and he was supposed to win it. And he was supposed to make a mockery of Dancing On Ice and kill it off forever. But, oh no, you have to go and make it all about ‘skating’, don’t you. Bleurgh.
Anway, here’s part one of this week’s Dancing On Ice rundown, for Melinda Messenger and Donal MacIntyre…
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Our Sunday evenings won’t be the same anymore – we won’t have to hear a whiny bloke moan about his ankle any more.
That’s right, Michael Underwood is out of Dancing On Ice. We think we know why, too – and it has nothing to do with his Dancing On Ice routine to Kiss last night, either. No, the reason is because Michael managed to drop his partner on her face during rehearsals yesterday. Break your own bones, that’s fine, but trying to break someone else’s and you’re out, sunshine.
So, with Michael Underwood gone, here’s our Dancing On Ice rundown for Donal MacIntyre and Ellery Hanley…
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Hooray for Dancing On Ice, the show we’ve decided to follow three weeks in out of a mixture of boredom and self-loathing.
If you missed yesterday’s epic, endless, two-hour Dancing On Ice, you missed Jeremy Edwards getting voted off. Jeremy got the boot either because he was rubbish at skating or because of the temper tantrum he threw when he realised that the judges didn’t share his love of himself. We have neither the time nor the inclination to find out.
But enough about Jeremy Edwards, here’s our Dancing On Ice rundown on Donal MacIntyre and Melinda Messenger…
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