Dogface - HecklerSpray

Sophie Reade Wins Big Brother – Oh, At Least Pretend To Care

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Without question, Big Brother 2009 will be remembered for one of three things.

It could be remembered as the Big Brother that nobody cared about. Or it could be remembered as the Big Brother that was won by Sophie Reade, 2009’s obligatory thick blonde girl with big knockers. Or it could be remembered as the Big Brother where Davina McCall turned up to the final in fancy dress and nobody really understood why.

But whatever. On Friday night Sophie Reade emerged triumphant as the winner of Big Brother 2009. So that’ll be the last that anyone hears from her, then.

Big Brother Final! Who’s Going To Win? Dogface? Oh, Right

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Tonight’s the big night! After approximately most of our entire life, this series of Big Brother will end tonight.

We jest – in all seriousness Big Brother has actually had one of the best years on record. But nobody cares, because hardly anyone watched it and it’s dying soon anyway so what’s the point? Huh? What’s the bloody point point of anything any more?

Anyway, which of the remaining Big Brother housemates will end up winning the prize money, releasing a fitness DVD and embarking on a disastrous pop career? Time to have one final look, we suppose…

Big Brother: Hira’s Gone. Remember Hira?

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

So on Friday, Lisa was the housemate officially least likely to win Big Brother, and all of Davina McCall’s links were rendered inaudible by mob chanting “Get Lisa out!”

So, naturally, Hira was evicted. Poor Hira, a victim of Big Brother‘s ‘vote to save’ policy last week. Still, we’ll remember you Hira. That was your name, right? Hira? We can’t really mentally place your face, but if you come up to us and tell us your name, there’s about a 50% likelihood that we’ll remember you.

Anyway, onto the Big Brother housemates who’ve caught our eye this week – Dogface, Halfwit and Rodrigo…

Big Brother: What? Halfwit’s Not Up For Eviction? WHAT?

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

We’re confused. Scared and confused. Scared and confused and incontinent. And it’s all Big Brother‘s fault. Sods.

Why? What did Big Brother do? It didn’t nominate Halfwit for eviction this week. Don’t these idiots understand how Big Brother works? Nothing ever happens and then Halfwit gets nominated for eviction. THAT’S HOW BIG BROTHER WORKS, IDIOTS!

But this week, oh no. The Big Brother housemates have realised that a bucket of plague couldn’t shift Halfwit from the house, which is why Shiavash, Dogface, Noirin and Karly are up for eviction instead. So let’s have a bloody look at them, then…

Big Brother: No More Kris. Good.

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Hooray! Kris and his ridiculous floppy clown wig have been evicted from Big Brother! We never have to type the word ‘Krogface’ ever again! Hooray!

Let’s not dwell on Kris’ Big Brother eviction because, well, it was boring and he was boring and hopefully he’ll go away now. Instead, let’s focus on the good news – Big Brother is finally introducing some more housemates this week! Brilliant! A bunch of people who the Big Brother producers deemed to be even less interesting than the current lot are going into the least-interesting Big Brother house ever! Boy oh boy, this is going to be… oh, what’s the word? DULL!

Anyway, here are the Big Brother housemates who have caught our eye this week…

Big Brother Eviction: Is This The End Of Krogface?

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

One of the problems of this year’s Big Brother is that only two housemates have ever been nominated for eviction at a time.

Which would be OK, except that the public’s inexplicable love affair with Halfwit means that he’ll never get evicted. The evictions are a foregone conclusion right from the get-go. But things are different this week, oh things are different alright. Halfwit’s up for eviction, as ever, but so is Kris, Dogface, Charlie and Marcus. Big Brother is exciting again!

Well, maybe not ‘exciting’ per se, but, um, you know… oh, let’s just look at their chances of getting evicted, OK?