Hey perverts! Want to see Vanessa Hudgens from High School Musical dressed up as Santa, spouting filthy nonsense and humping a man?

Well you can't because – contrary to rumours – the Vanessa Hudgens sex tape does not exist.

That's right, there is no Vanessa Hudgens sex tape, so you'll never get to see what Vanessa Hudgens looks like when she's having sex. Unless, you know, you carefully print and cut out all those naked Vanessa Hudgens pictures from the internet, stick naked pictures of yourself next to them and make a sort of ramshackle flick-book with them. That kind of works.

Ahem. We heard.