It has long been foretold that Naomi Campbell’s blood would spill forth upon the land, creeping into every house, every street and every unfortunate gaping mouth that happens to be astounded by the sight of such a big red tidal wave.

In recent years theologians have stated that all the signs are in place, and that the apocalyptic super-model’s body explosion would happen any day now. We’re still waiting.

Let’s hope it doesn’t happen anytime soon either – because as it stands right now her blood isn’t even good enough to save under-weight mosquito children. Well we think that’s how it stands.

We’ve actually only read headlines on the matter.

When Naomi Campbell’s temper flared on an airline and she spit on Caucasian police officers while shouting vile, vile racist remarks at them, it wasn’t her fault. She’s got bad blood, you see. And when you have bad blood then your blood-bubbles can only carry bad messages to your brain. That’s what happened to her, though the popular media is slow to admit this.

We now know she’s got bad blood though, because several Brazilian doctors just told her so. And they know because the bones they rolled landed that way. E! Online gets specific:

“Campbell arrived at the city’s HemoRio medical center on Tuesday to take part in the campaign to collect blood to combat Brazil’s current dengue fever epidemic. The outbreak is the worst in the nation’s history and has already infected more than 75,000 people and killed at least 80 in Rio state…Officials were forced to turn her away because not enough time has elapsed since she had surgery in February for her to be eligible to donate.”

Plus – what would happen if her blood got transfused into more than one person down there. And worse yet – what if her blood got put in people that work in blackberry factories, live on yachts and have steel tipped fists?

Mayhem, that’s what would happen. Well it’s a good thing then that those Brazilian doctors read the smoke plumes that rose up from under the pile of burning virgins correctly and refused Campbell’s germy donation.

It’s simply not worth the risk.

Read More:

Brazil Rejects Naomi Campbell Blood Offer – AFP

The mystery behind the untimely death of Heath Ledger has now been cleaned up, but there's still just one loose end left.

As everyone knows, Heath Ledger died because of an accidental overdose of prescription drugs – and now an investigation has been launched into the doctors who prescribed those drugs to Heath Ledger.

Needless to say, this investigation won't bring Heath Ledger back, but it might get a couple of doctors struck off, which is the next best thing. Stupid doctors with their 'cures' for all these so-called 'illnesses'. Idiots.

When someone dies – especially when they die in a sudden, untimely way – it's natural to want to blame something. That's why those Australians murdered all those stingrays after one killed Steve Irwin, after all. Well, that and because some people are born so stupid that they should probably be locked in a cupboard for their own safety as much as anyone else's.

And similarly people are on the lookout for someone to focus their anger about Heath Ledger's death on. Heath Ledger's passing was a mystery for weeks – some claimed that it was a deliberate suicide, some claimed that illegal drugs were involved, and some even claimed that it might have been pneumonia.

But all of that was kicked into touch when Heath Ledger's autopsy revealed that he died of an accidental overdose of prescription drugs. And now that's been figured out, the time for bloody-minded vengeance is upon us, with a couple of doctors who may have prescribed the drugs to Heath Ledger being first on the list to cop the blame, as MSNBC reports:

Two doctors are under investigation in connection with prescriptions disbursed to actor Heath Ledger before he died, Access Hollywood has learned. "The investigation is proceeding aggressively and can conclude from as soon as one day or several weeks," a DEA source told Access. According to People magazine, the doctors are located in California and Texas. The source could not confirm to People if any wrongdoing was involved in the investigation, saying, "We don’t know yet. The agents were there this week, and we are waiting to hear from them."

Now nobody should rush to any hasty conclusions here. As much as Donda West's death proved that everyone loves to blame a doctor – and we personally blame doctors for everything from our inability to sleep at night to the way there's never any hot water in our shower – there could be any number of logical explanations as to why these doctors prescribed drugs to Heath Ledger.

Yes, they could just be unscrupulous and unethical abusers of their profession who care about money more than the lives of their patients, but on the other hand, perhaps Heath Ledger genuinely needed all that Oxycontin and Vicodin prescribed to him. Because, you know, if anyone was in need of two different kinds of dangerously addictive and easy to abuse painkillers, it's the star of 10 Things I Hate About You, right?

Read more:

DEA investigating 2 doctors tied to Ledger’s Rx – MSNBC