Oh come on, you know who Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler are – he used to be in Blink 182 and she, um, she's Shanna Moakler. Anyway, even though Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler split up 18 months ago, they've only just got divorced. Still don't really know who either of them are? No, us neither really. Let's just pretend that we do, anyway. Ready?

Nope, still don't care about them.

We don't know about you, but we're only able to express our love for another human being if that love forms the basis of a badly-edited MTV reality show full of zany sound effects, and even then we'll only express it with a desperate approval-seeking look on our faces.

It's not just us this condition affects – Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey had it, and so did Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler. In fact, thanks to MTV's Meet The Barkers we'd go as far as to say that Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler were the Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey that even less people have heard of. But it couldn't last forever.

In August 2006 Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler split up to almost deafening apathy for the wider world. But if you thought that nobody cared about those two awful needy bastards back them, imagine how little anyone cares 18 months later now that they've finally got their acts together to properly divorce. E! Online reports:

Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler are officially single again. The ex-couple, whose wedded life was once chronicled in the MTV series Meet the Barkers, were divorced earlier this month, according to court documents first obtained by TMZ. After tying the knot in October 2004, Barker and Moakler announced their split in August 2006.  They later reconciled briefly, only to break it off again. They have two children together, four-year-old son Landon and two-year-old daughter Alabama. Moakler also has an eight-year-old daughter, Atiana, from her previous relationship with Oscar de la Hoya.

Honestly, we're not even sure that Travis and Shanna's kids care about their divorce to be honest. Especially little Alabama – she's probably already hatching a plan to poison them both in their sleep for giving her such a shitty name.

Although divorces can be pretty emotionally gruelling, they usually give each party change to indulge in some of the behaviour they enjoyed before they got married. However, we're hoping that this won't happen to Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler, because their main hobbies seem to include making godawful Stickle-Brick pop punk that only idiots like and beating Paris Hilton up in nightclubs.

OK, so we're only hoping that 50 percent of those things won't happen.

Read more:

Meet the Newly Single Barkers – E! Online 

But that's just the risk that Linda Marie Bollea is taking, because after 24 happy years of marriage, she getting divorced from Hulk Hogan. Not that she told Hulk Hogan this, of course – that was down to a journalist who'd heard about the divorce and phoned up Hogan to get his opinion, only to discover it was the first he'd heard about it. But now that there's been time to let the news of his divorce sink in, let's hope that Hulk Hogan can see the positives in the matter – after all, without a wife around, Hulk Hogan will have much more time to indulge in his hobbies of pumping iron accompanied by widdly-woo 1980s stadium rock and headbutting the flags of various non-American nations.

As his theme-music so often told us, Hulk Hogan is a real American who fights for the right of every man (fights for what's right, fights for your life). In retrospect, though, dear old Hulk Hogan probably should have tried a bit harder to fight for the rights of some women as well, especially the one he's married to, because then he probably wouldn't be getting divorced.

After 24 of what we're assuming were happily-married years, Hulk Hogan's wife Linda Marie Bollea has decided that she wants a divorce. How much of this has to do with their son's recent arrest for his spectacularly stupid car crash is unknown. But what is known, though, is that Hulk Hogan didn't have a bloody clue that he was being divorced until a reporter from the St Petersburg Times phoned him up to tell him. After thanking the reporter for the "great information" and hanging up, Hulk Hogan then called back a few minutes later with the following explanation:

"You caught me off guard. My wife has been in California for about three weeks. Holy smokes. Wow, you just knocked the bottom out of me. I just pulled over to the side of the road for five minutes to find out what was going here."

And for now, that's all anyone knows. Since the only emotions that Hulk Hogan is capable of are anger and monkey-faced, staggering retribution, it's hard to know how Hulk Hogan will respond to the divorce, although there's smart money on him teaming up with Dog The Bounty Hunter to start some kind of Oversized Middle-Aged Grizzled Bleach-Blond Gorilla Emotional Support Network to see each other through in their time of mutual crisis.

However, the world is full of identikit, platinum-haired, surgically reconstructed, orange-skinned trophy wives, so we're sure that Hulk Hogan will be able to quickly move on and find someone else to put up with him. Let's hope so, because Hulk Hogan is set to start hosting American Gladiators soon, and we don't really want to be subjected to the pitiful sight of Hulk Hogan, all red-eyed and drunk, fitfully running halfway up the backwards travelator thing while unsuccessfully trying to tear off his T-shirt on live TV in an ill-judged attempt to prove to his wife that he's still as much of a man as he's always been.

Oh, who are we kidding? We'd love to see that, and so would you. 

Read more:

Hulk Hogan Headed For Divorce – E! Online