Divorce - HecklerSpray

Cardi B and Offset Split Up

December 5th, 2018 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Just a few short months after the birth of their terribly named daughter, Kulture, rappers Cardi B and Offset have announced that they’ve decided to break up. Cardi took to Instagram this morning to make the announcement, and, tbh, she didn’t seem too butt hurt about it.

I’d say that this split comes as a shock, but it really doesn’t at all. Offset’s dick has done more wandering than Tristan Thompson’s, but unlike Tris, Offset allegedly couldn’t put it back in his pants after the baby was born (though I assume Tristan’s dick will wander again, too).

How I’m Handling 2016 (in GIFS): Part 2

December 27th, 2016 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

A couple of months back I did a blog on how I’d been handling 2016 via GIFs. At the time, I dealt with my feelings about everything from Beyoncé’s Lemonade to Brangelina’s split, the shit show election to Kimye outing Taylor Swift as shady, Brexit to the constant drivel that comes out of Lena Dunham’s mouth.

I really thought that, with a mere two and a half months left to the year, nothing could get much worse (or better). I thought maybe pop culture had blown my mind enough for one year. But nope, Trump got elected and for some reason we still let Lena Dunham speak publically. Here’s how I’ve been handling 2016’s bullshit since October 8th, when I last aired my feelings. Once again, presented in GIFs…

Mariah Carey Got Her Ass Dumped

October 28th, 2016 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Remember last month when I wrote that blog about how Mariah Carey flipped the fuck out at her billionaire fiancé James Packer because he put on a Beyoncé song while trying to seduce her which resulted in Mariah throwing his laptop out their hotel window?

Well, you’ll never believe it, but apparently James has since dumped Mariah, which is truly shocking because, as I established in my previous blog on the topic, he was clearly in the wrong in that situation, NOT Mariah. This is some real injustice right here.

Two People Known for Fighting Got in a Fight

October 17th, 2016 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Well if this isn’t a case of mess versus mess than I don’t know what is (not true, I do: Mel Gibson versus Farrah Abraham, but whatever). On Saturday, Russell Crowe and Azealia Banks were at a dinner party together at the Beverly Hills Hotel which, I know, screams random.

Both are apparently pals with rapper-actor RZA, and as the story goes, it was Crowe’s dinner party and Banks came as RZA’s guest. Clearly RZA is a fucking idiot, because you don’t bring a mess who wants to fight everyone to the dinner of another mess who wants to fight everyone. So, yeah, a fight happened.

Melissa Etheridge is Not Here for Angelina Jolie

October 5th, 2016 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

For those not in the Hollywood know like I am, iconic 90’s lesbian Melissa Etheridge and iconic 90’s hunk Brad Pitt have been besties for over 20 years. She’s put all his top hoes in her music videos over the years: Juliette Lewis, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Jennifer Aniston. Well, all but one top hoe…

For a while I thought maybe Melissa just never put Angelina in one of her videos because a) she wasn’t really releasing many videos since Angie and Brad got together, or b) maybe her and Brad weren’t that close anymore. Turns out Melissa just hates the bitch!

Breaking News: Jennifer Aniston Exists During Brangelina Split!

September 26th, 2016 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

While I’ve been busy doing a somewhat sporadic job reporting on the Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie split, other media outlets (I’m looking at you Us Weekly) have become a little bit obsessed with how Jennifer Aniston is taking the whole thing.

I jumped on the Us Weekly site today (I love to bite the hand that feeds) and there were literally two stories titled: ‘Jen Aniston Wears an Evil Eye Necklace Post Brangelina Split’ and ‘Jen Gets Massage, Dinner With Justin Amid Brangelina News’, and all I could think was WHO FUCKING CARES?!

The Brangelina Split is a Mess

January 19th, 2017 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

If you’ve been following the media storm that is the Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie divorce, then you probably already know that this thing is becoming an absolute mess. First, Brad was accused of cheating on Angie with Marion Cotillard (which she denied, while also announcing that’s she’s pregnant with her second child with her long time boyfriend).

Then, there are the rumors that Brad had a drunken outburst on a private plane which lead to him being verbally and physically abusive towards one of their kids, and now the situation is being looked into by child protective servives. I mean, it’s all pretty fucked up and sad.

Angelina Jolie to Divorce Brad Pitt

September 21st, 2016 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Someone put Beyoncé in protective custody until midnight on December 31st, because 2016 is officially the year that everything good has been FUCKING DESTROYED. I know some of you might be thinking I’m super delayed in writing about the Brangelina divorce, but please understand that this really blindsided me and I’m dealing with a lot of emotions right now.

Yesterday, after 11 beautiful years together and 2 years of wedded bliss, Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from Brad Pitt. If Beyoncé files for divorce from Jay Z this week you can all go right ahead and make arrangements for my funeral because I will be fucking DONE.

Selma Blair Got Kicked Off a Plane

June 21st, 2016 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Just when you thought you’d never read another story about Selma Blair given that it isn’t 1999, the world shines upon you and blesses you with a story about her hot mess antics getting her kicked off a plane.

Selma and her ex-boyfriend/baby-daddy did some solid co-parenting by taking a family Father’s Day vacation to Cancun with their 4-year-old son, Arthur. However, shit got real on the way home when Selma started acting erratic and hysterical, thus getting herself removed from said flight.

So Maybe Johnny Depp Isn’t the Bad Guy?

May 30th, 2016 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

This whole Johnny Depp and Amber Heard divorce debacle just keeps getting more and more fucked up. First, I thought it was fucked that Amber would file for divorce from Johnny just a couple of days after his mom died. Then, I thought it was even more fucked when she filed domestic abuse charges against him and got a restraining order.

NOW, I think it’s super fucked that like a million and one people, INCLUDING the police report, are suggesting that Johnny never beat Amber and that she’s really just a lying, scheming bitch who belongs on an episode of Dynasty or some shit.