You could die at literally any moment.

Seriously – even by the time you finish reading this paragraph you could have contracted Ebola and shit your own face off, been struck by seven seperate bolts of lightening, been vapourised in a nuclear holocaust, been torn apart by rabid weasels or even set on fire by laughing blue pixies. Infact, the likelihood is that you will die, almost certainly within the next half-hour or so, and definitely in the most horrifying and painful way imaginable.

Unless you get protection.

Thank the weeping beard of Christ, then, for the Quantum Sleeper. This may look like an ordinary foldaway bed, but take a closer look – it’s actually ‘a high-level security system designed for maximum protection in various hostile environments’ which ‘can also be fitted to provide protection from destructive forces of nature such as tornados, hurricanes, earthquakes and floods’.

Best of all? You can even hook up your DVD player inside. So – when the giant lizard men finally pull out their magic death-guns and roam the planet on a manic killing rampage – you can be safe and sound, spending some quality time with those Top Cat season boxsets.

Ah, Benny! Will you ever learn?

Check out the Quantum Sleeper here

Is there any more gloriously simple concept than the ‘fail’?

It may well come to be the true defining buzzword of the Web 2.0 (or 3.0, or wherever the pissing Christ we are these days) generation. The notion is so pure and undistilled as to be genius: take a picture – either your own or sourced from elsewhere – of a human or animal plumbing the absolute depths of idiocy or loserdom, whack a big old ‘FAIL’ across the photo and share with the world. Done.

Just goes to prove: who says Oscar Wilde is the epitome of wit? Hecklerspray has read The Portrait Of Dorian Gray, and frankly there isn’t a single moment in there that made us snort out loud as much as anything on Shipment Of Fail - the interweb’s premier collection of timewasting laughability.

Got a few hours to waste? Here you go:

Shipment Of Fail