This week saw Miley Cyrus celebrate her 16th birthday in Disneyland. That is to say, all of Disneyland. Miley Cyrus’ parents hired out all of Disneyland for Miley, invited thousands of guests and then lit up the Californian dusk with a firework display of epic proportions.

As great as that sounds, there was a sour edge to the weekend as well – Miley’s dad Billy Ray Cyrus insisted on performing Achy Breaky Heart to the assembled guests. So, while your parents never did anything as ostentatious as renting out Disneyland for your 16th birthday, at least you can relax in the knowledge that a pouting vagina-faced idiot didn’t nause everything up by singing the world’s worst song in the middle of it either. Yours was better.

Birthdays are the perfect time to reflect on your achievements. For instance, on our last birthday we reflected on the continued onset of male pattern baldness, our expanding paunch, the slow loss of elasticity in our facial tissue and the fact that we were successfully able to take another hopeless stride towards our inevitable death.

Miley Cyrus has a lot to reflect on, too – in the last year she’s released a blockbuster movie, posed for a set of sort-of naked photos for a glossy magazine and got herself romantically involved with a grown-up. But there’s a pretty good chance that Miley Cyrus didn’t actually pay much attention to any of that yesterday, because she was too busy gonking around on Space Mountain like a giddy toddler smashed off her face on artificial preservatives.

No doubt inspired by the gauche peacocking of My Super Sweet 16, the parents of Miley Cyrus yesterday decided to rent out the whole of Disneyland for Miley’s birthday. The whole of Disneyland. What did you get for your 16th? A family trip to the Wimpy? Ha – Miley Cyrus is so much better than you. AP reports:

The theme park was closed for the supersized soiree, which included a four-song performance by the teen queen and a fireworks display above Sleeping Beauty Castle and 16 giant inflatable candles. “Miley is really hard to surprise,” her father Billy Ray Cyrus said at the event.

Hard to surprise? Miley Cyrus shouldn’t be that hard to surprise – she’s lived her whole life in a sort of megarich celebrity bubble, so surprising her should be easy. Give her a shellsuit or a Saturday job at Primark, that’d probably do the trick.

We’re just kidding – of course Billy Ray Cyrus and his mysterious unnamed wife want the best for Miley Cyrus, and this should be reflected in their choice of birthday party for her, which we hear has a special ‘please don’t cut us off financially when you turn 18, we beg of you’ theme.

Anyway, this is probably all a bit premature, because Miley Cyrus doesn’t even turn 16 until November 23. Her actual birthday will be marked with a far more intimate affair – we hear Billy Ray Cyrus plans to send a giant nuclear-powered robot into space to punch the sun out for her or something.

Well, we are. But that doesn’t stop us from doing it – especially not when she’s selling tickets to her super-mega-ultra sweet 16.

Yes, she of Hannah Montana fame and the one that likes to get all (almost) nude for the sake of every man, woman and child in the world is making her party public.

Public in Disneyland, which is 85 acres in size, but public nonetheless.

All we need to do is save up $250 then hecklerspray can join in the fun – you can bring beer into Disneyland, right? We’ll settle for gin, mind. October 5 here we come!

There will be 5,000 invites available to anyone that can afford them/can be bothered/is a bit of a mental stalker and all proceeds will be donated to Youth Service America. So not only will you get an expensive, private day out with your best friend Miley Cyrus (she doesn’t know who you are) and 4,999 other people, you get to help five-to-25-year-olds who help people too. It’s win-win.

But why, oh why would a girl just turning 16 want to go somewhere like Disneyland? Well, probably because she’s a girl just turning 16. It makes sense when you think about it. Speaking to Entertainment Tonight, our favourite child that gets almost-naked said:

“It’s gonna be an awesome party with more than seven things I like. It’s gonna be totally awesome. I hope it’s a great time… I love roller coasters, so this is my ultimate birthday. I only turn 16 once, so it’s going to be an awesome party with my favorite rides, hanging out with friends, fireworks and more.”

First: what the hell is she talking about with this ‘more than seven things’ malarkey? Is one of those things she likes ‘getting half-naked in a disturbing fashion and having the pictures spread all over the internet’? Second: hanging out with fireworks? What? Is that some new fad that all the kids are into?

Anyway, the seemingly mental Miss Cyrus went on:

“The best part of the party is we’re going to recognize some really cool kids from Youth Service America who are giving back to their community. That’s so awesome because I think it’s really important for kids like us to volunteer.”

So at least there’s something nice coming from it, even if we do actually turn up and ruin things by getting drunk and clogging up Space Mountain with sick, by doing a poo in Roger Rabbit’s Car Toon Spin or by demanding Miley gets off with Katy Perry when we’re at a particular low point.

Regardless of the destruction hecklerspray would bring on through excessive amounts of bodily fluids, at least there will have been a charitable donation along the way, so no one can complain.

Those who care enough can go here to get the tickets, which are available from August 30th. We probably can’t afford flights over if we’re honest, but if someone wants to pick up some cheap travel for us then we’ll happily go – we’ll even take photos and everything.