10 - First things first, check the WHO disease centre for news of how many people you grew up with are now dead from Swine Flu - WHO

9 - Too terrified to read words? Here’s a map of real-time global cases, so you can track the deadly Swine Flu until it breezes through your letterbox and kills you – Healthmap

8 – Here’s the most appropriate song we could think of today – YouTube

7 - Swine Flu! The culprit revealed! – Growabrain.

6 - Here’s a Swine Flu-ish game. Wipe out mankind as fast as you can. We did it – can you? - Funnygames

5 – Worried that when Swine Flu leaves you shivering and alone in a zombie apocalypse you won’t have anything to eat as a dare? Fear not – Wisebread

4 - Here’s another Swine Flu-ish game. Hilarious or DEADLY? – E4

3 – Face masks! Buy them quick, then use them to pretend that you’re Sub Zero from Mortal Kombat once all this bloody fuss has died down - Surgicalfacemasks

2 – Ready to go and live in the woods by yourself to escape the evil Swine Flu? Better read this, then – Survivalist

1 – There’s only one way to get rid of all this Swine Flu – send in the komodo dragons!…

Looking for a bonanza of entertainment, are you? Then do a Google image search for impetigo. Go ahead and do it now. We’ll wait. Ah, there’s that lovely sound of violent retching we were waiting for. The foamy white ones are our favourites, too.

Sure, we all get to have the thrill of infectious skin disease image searching, but guess who’s out there with real-life infectious skin disease. Amy Winehouse, that’s who. She’s got impetigo on her face. So, yes, there is legitimately, clinically something wrong with her face that doesn’t have to do with the brutal thwomping of drugs and alcohol, or eyeliner wings that look like they’re desperately trying to get her face to take flight. Who knew?

If we had paid any attention to Amy Winehouse’s face lately, we might have noticed the painful-looking lumps on her face that don’t seem to have any relation to beatings from her husband of any kind. Those lumps are the direct result of a bacterial infection to Amy Winehouse’s face. Ouch. Okay, that sucks, but Amy, that’s why you don’t slowly rub your hoard of recently-acquired Grammy Awards all over your face for hours at a time, weeping softly and whispering sweet nothings of tenderness, which have caused open sores to become infected with bacteria.

It all seems legit, though. Amy Winehouse’s rep confirmed the situation:

'Amy has been diagnosed with impetigo, which she has been told can be highly contagious. Because of that she has been put on antibiotics and may have to stay home alone for the next few days.'

It only seems logical that with her past and current lifestyle, it’s probably just best to assume that Amy Winehouse is a walking cornucopia of highly contagious diseases at any given time, and anyone in the same time zone as her should take antibiotics as a precautionary measure.

At any rate, it’s a good thing for Amy Winehouse that this impetigo junk was nipped in the bud. Amy probably didn’t even notice the new pustules of infection amongst the usual smattering of self-harm scars until the critters began to come down out of her bride of Frankenstein hive hair and poke at the sores. Otherwise, the infection might have spread all over her body and turned her into a reclusive hermit holed up in her apartment, never to be heard from again.

We dare to dream.

Read more: 

Amy Winehouse's Skin Disease – Marie Claire