According to reports, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston met up in secret during the Toronto Film Festival, where Brad Pitt is promoting Burn After Reading and Jennifer Aniston is promoting her recent break-up with John Mayer or a new haircut or something. Seriously, we haven’t bothered to check.

Anyway, this Brad Pitt/ Jennifer Aniston dinner might not have happened – in fact, it’s more likely that Brad and Jennifer went to great lengths to studiously avoid each other – but let’s report the dinner as fact anyway. That way we might anger Angelina Jolie enough to stop thumping out a baby with a stupid name every couple of minutes. We’re doing you a favour, really.

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have moved on with their lives so much in recent years that sometimes it’s hard to remember that they were even married at all. Brad Pitt, of course, has since found love with Angelina Jolie and become one half of The Child-Catchers It’s OK To Tolerate, while Jennifer Aniston has managed to find love with a fat bloke, the Kwik-Save Brad Pitt and a 12-year-old boy for about three seconds each respectively.

But even though they were married, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston still haven’t seen each other since their divorce. There may be genuine reasons for that – like the way that Jennifer Aniston might resent Brad’s new family with Angelina Jolie, or the way that Brad Pitt might be freaked out by Jennifer Aniston spending about a year wailing about how miserable she was after the divorce.

Either way, what this means is that you’ll never see Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston in the same place together. Unless they’re in Toronto.

Oh, you know how it is. You’re lonely, on the road promoting a movie that’s bound to be something of a letdown and suddenly you catch a glimpse of the person you used to be married to at a film festival. You let the alluring spirit of Toronto – the Paris of South-Central Ontario, filled with grand monuments to romance like the Toronto-Dominion Bank Tower and Yonge Street – get to you, and the next thing you know you’re reliving old times over a dinner so crackling in undiluted sexual tension that even the waiters are scared to interrupt. The Daily Mail reports:

Rumours are circulating today that the former Friends star had a business dinner with her ex-husband, Brad Pitt, last night at the festival. If true, it would be the pair’s first known meeting since their bitter divorce in 2005.

A business dinner? That sounds unbelievably sexy. Oh Yonge Street you minx, why do you trigger so much uncontrolled desire in people that they end up making hot and heavy awkward conversation together during business dinners with each other?

Of course, what’s probably more likely is that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston’s staff spent the entire film festival breaking their backs to make sure that neither Brad nor Jennifer got within 500 yards of each other in case Aniston ended up trying to smash her shoe heel into Pitt’s skull, but let’s not pay any attention to that – Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston totally had dinner together this weekend!

Fingers crossed now that Angelina Jolie tries to get her own back on Brad Pitt by going to the KFC with Johnny Lee Miller. That’ll learn everyone.

You know, a friendly dialogue over the falsities of society entangled throughout Anna Karenina, a little chat over motifs of enigmatic love and philosophies of death in War and Peace – it happens every day. No, really. Just ask Mel Gibson and Britney Spears. These two were all chummy-like over dinner at a Russian restaurant over the weekend that has a unique selection of Russian books on the premises.

You see, Mel Gibson is trying to help Britney Spears, so of course they got together for an evening of laughs and Russian literature. And everyone knows that it takes one sometimes embarrassingly drunken nutter to save another sometimes embarrassingly drunken nutter. 

We once had a bit of a crush on Mel Gibson during our formative years. There may have been a time when we carefully snipped his picture out of magazines and placed them on our bedroom wall in a decorative collage, but we’d never admit it. And to tell you the truth, we probably wouldn’t say no to those dreamy blue eyes today – drunken, racially-charged rants notwithstanding – if he wanted to save us from our own self-destructive behaviour and general state whacked-out insanity. So it’s no wonder Britney Spears has been spending time in the company of Mel Gibson, who reportedly wants to show support and guidance to Brit.  

Of course, nothing romantic between Mel Gibson and Britney Spears is going on. The mere thought of such an idea causes our brain to thrash itself against our skull until it settles into a protective coma-like state. Although, if a romantic connection was happening, we wouldn’t have to find any other topics to write about for weeks. That’s some blogging gold, right there.

But alas, Britney Jean Spears and Mel Columcille Gerard Gibson, who used to be neighbours, dined with family and guests at the Studio City restaurant Romanov in a platonic (i.e. boring) manner, for two hours. A source/sell-out random person who sold a cheese pretzel to one of them had this to say about the meeting: 

“Mel and his wife Robin clearly saw a woman in crisis and wanted to extend themselves in any way possible. There's just a handful of people in the world who understand the kind of intense attention that Britney goes through, and how to raise a family with some semblance of privacy and how to keep one's family intact and out of the limelight. There are no expectations, there is no agenda. It's simply an act of human kindness – one neighbor reaching out to the other." 

That’s sweet of the Gibsons, but two whole hours with Britney Spears? What on earth could Mel Gibson and Britney Spears ever talk about for two hours? Perhaps these two were meeting because: 

1) a Crossroads/Beyond Thunderdome project is in the works. Mel will step in as Tina Turner’s character while Britney takes on Master Blaster with whips made from locks of her shaven hair and her still intact womanly virtue.

2) they are gathering together for strength as the last two surviving people in Hollywood that haven’t converted to Scientology.

3) they’ve been possessed by aliens and are wearing Britney and Mel disguises and meet in secret to plot world domination. Or in other words, they’ve converted to Scientology.   

We're torn between the possible reasons, so we'll just go back to not caring at all. It's what we do best.    

Read more: 

Britney's Surprise Dinner Companion: Mel Gibson - People