Press Release Purgatory: Dina Lohan’s Shoes On an average day, hecklerspray gets inundated with hundreds of emailed press releases. Some are good, most are boring and a tiny minority are so awful they actually defy definition. Welcome to another edition of Press Release Purgatory, where we show you some of the mind-curdling crap we receive. THIS WEEK: Dina Lohan's new shoe collection, which is entitled Shoe-Han. Yes, you read that right. Shoe-Han. We hate our lives. Read the press release in full after the jump...

Lindsay Lohan Gets Burgled For Some Reason If a number of items described as 'tatty', 'mangy' and 'reeking of cigarettes' start appearing on eBay, you know why. It's because Lindsay Lohan has been robbed. According to reports, Lindsay Lohan is shaken following an apparent burglary at her home this weekend. We know - Lindsay Lohan's apparently got stuff worth stealing. Who'd have guessed? Although Lindsay wasn't at home at the time, the thieves broke into her safe, swiping bags, clothes and jewellery in the process. Also reported stolen was Lindsay Lohan's dignity, but that might just be an insurance fiddle - because, honestly, that thing's been missing for years.

Lindsay Lohan’s Ma & Pa Now Attention-Seeking In Court Lindsay Lohan may have the age and profound emotional maturity to function away from her parents, but she's not the only Lohan kid. Sadly Michael Lohan and Dina Lohan managed to find a couple of synchronised windows between all those prison sentences and rampantly selfish partying to fit a bunch more pregnancies in after Lindsay. And, since Michael Lohan and Dina Lohan have since divorced, it's time for some petty court-based squabbling. Michael and Dina Lohan have been in court arguing over custody of their kids Ali and Dakota. It's an important time for those little darlings - who'll be their primary guardian? The woman who whores them through reality TV shows or the man who slags them off in print for being whored through reality TV shows? Who are we kidding, those lucky kids win either way!

Ali Lohan In Bullied For Being Lindsay Lohan’s Sister Shock Ali Lohan has it harder than any of us know - she's suffered so much just for being Lindsay Lohan's sister. Being famous by association has ruined Ali Lohan's school life - she's been home-schooled ever since she was bullied by classmates because of who she was. And, for someone as naturally shy and limelight-intolerant as Ali Lohan, that bullying must have really hurt. How do we know this? Because Ali Lohan's been blabbering on about it to help promote her forthcoming reality TV show that's all about Ali Lohan and her aggressively relentless pursuit of fame. Crikey, this Lohan stupidity gene really is stronger than any of us could have possibly imagined, isn't it.

Dina Lohan Honoured for A Bang-Up Job of Keeping Her Daughter Alive

Remember watching those nature filmstrips in grade school that showed monkeys eating their young?

Remember thinking, "wow, now there is some exemplary parenting that should be honoured with the presentation of an award"? Of course you do.

The same principle applies for Dina Lohan, Lindsay Lohan’s mommy dearest, who is being given an award for her strides in mothering, or something. Just to be clear, then. This is Dina Lohan. The mother of Lindsay Lohan. Honoured with a mothering award. Animals who eat their young.

The circle of life at its finest, everyone.

Lindsay Lohan’s Mum: ‘You Will Not See My Daughter’s Vagina!’ Lindsay Lohan's mum, Dina Lohan, has dismissed reports that her daughter will be getting her fanny out for upcoming independent film Florence. The news has no doubt brought a tear to the eye of a million lonely lads who, if Dina is to be believed, will have to make do with what Lindsay has put out for their consumption already – as if that wasn’t enough. But who cares about those wankers? Spare a thought for the producers of the film: you jerk-offs have only lost out on another chance to be titillated - the producers have lost the entire plot to their film!

Lindsay Lohan’s Mother Gets Horrifying Reality TV Show

If you ever got the feeling that Dina Lohan's sole aim in life was to live vicariously through Lindsay Lohan's fame and notoriety, then think again.

Because now Dina Lohan is a star in her own right. Not a film star or a music star like Lindsay Lohan is, though, it's even better than that - Dina Lohan is going to be become a reality TV star.

E! has finally announced the production of Dina Lohan reality TV show Living Lohan. It's a wake-up call for all parents really - if you constantly push your young children into a life of showbiz until they eventually crack and become drug-addled, rehab-addicted global jokes, then maybe you can be like Dina Lohan and get a shitty reality TV show that hardly anyone's going to watch anyway too. Live the dream, parents!

Dina Lohan: ‘Look At Lindsay Lohan’s Naked Boobs! They’re Awesome!’

Several things must have gone through Lindsay Lohan's mind as she posed for those naked photographs, like "I hope they dial down my bright red pubic hair with an airbrush" and "what will my mother think?"

But, although she was right to worry about the first one, Lindsay Lohan has no reason at all to fear the latter, because her mother Dina Lohan bloody well loves the naked Lindsay Lohan photos that were published earlier in the week.

That's good to see - Dina Lohan's endorsement of Lindsay Lohan's nude photoshoot is not only heartwarming, but it's also softened her up for all those Lindsay Lohan Hot Bitch XXX Dildo Slut Action DVDs that Lindsay will be reduced to starring in by 2010.