Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
Celebrity dregs Kerry Katona has posed in her grundies to show-off the fact that she now weighs marginally less than a manatee.
The mother-of-four blames her previous weight gain on the see-food diet; she saw it, she swallowed it, claiming to have gorged on ?bread and cheese?.
‘Bread and cheese’, in this instance we hope, actually means she scarfed down insane amounts of pizza and Ginster?s pasties.
By now, you should be back in the office and have run out of hilarious Christmas anecdotes about racist comments made by elderly relatives at the table, or how a pet urinated over the turkey. Like everyone, over-consumption via endless cheese-boards, chocolates and booze made everyone that little bit chubbier than they?d like, come 2012. So how do we combat this?
Whilst some might try and physically try and cry out the fat, others resort to more realistic methods.
Look at any supermarket shelf and you\’ll be able to pick up an exercise DVD featuring completely unqualified instructors. From TOWIE to Babestation, they can all allegedly help us tone our cellulite. If you think it's just the public who buy into fat melting DVD?s, you'd be wrong. Even reality show/model/super-injunction celebrity Imogen Thomas uses them. However, she's been criticised for wanting to do so.
This just in: Kelly Osbourne can fit into fashion sample sizes and she has become as gleefully smug as she is thin.
Isn’t that just wonderful. The reality star, who lost an alarming amount of weight after being on Dancing With The Stars this year, has been on several shows talking about how she lost weight.
Mostly, Kelly credits not being a pig and lifting her buttocks off the sofa, one at a time, and working out for 30-minutes-per-day.
So, less pies. More butt lifting. Got that?
What do we know about Perez Hilton? He’s more annoying than a wasp trying to give you paper cuts. He’s as camp as Christmas. He’s had a variety of daft haircuts. He’s a blogger who has somehow managed to befriend some A-listers. He fat.
WHOA!
Wait a minute! Fat? How about fat and sexless?
Well, if we’re talking about Perez Hilton in 2007, then that would most certainly be true. Apparently, he only got one shag during that year, which prompted him to go on a diet.
The first week on January is traditionally the week of going to the gym twice and hoping it’ll offset 12 months of compulsive doughnut abuse.
But not if you’re Oprah Winfrey. Oprah Winfrey knows that she’s turned into a lardy old gutbucket lately, and she’s determined to get slim again.
And Oprah Winfrey plans to do this by not abusing food any more. And by ‘abusing’ food, Oprah means ‘keeping it in her cupboard for any longer than she has to before stuffing it into her gob and rolling around the floor snorting like an animal’. We can’t see it working, to be honest.
Going directly against the orders of Michael Bay, Megan Fox seems to be doing exactly the opposite to piling on some poundage.
Whereas the explosion-loving director ordered every young boy in the world’s wet dream to put some weight on for Transformers 2, the actress has revealed that she instead decides to clean herself out with vinegar.
No, we have no idea either.
But, reports have flooded in on all the websites you would hope to print them – namely the ones aimed at already-image-conscious young teenage girls, who are now likely to think that drinking vinegar is a viable dieting option. What a great example these Hollywood types set each and every day.
From DIETPIXIE – Someone please give Jack Black a cheeseburger.
Why? Well, for starters, shoving it in his big, fat chops might shut him up.
Secondly, it could be the only way we can stop him from doing nude scenes.
That’s right – nude scenes!!
‘Nude scenes’ and ‘Jack Black’ – if ever there was four words that should not appear together in the same sentence it’s that right there.
And you’ll be disgusted to know that the Kung Fu Panda star has done them before (In Margot at the Wedding – just in case you are some twisted freak and want to check him out.)
FROM DIETPIXIE – Tom Cruise has welcomed the recommencement of Victoria Beckham and Katie Holmes’ friendship, but only if the ‘d’ word is banned.
Yep, that’s right. Posh Spice and the better half of TomKat are forbidden to discuss diets, in case Katie ends up becoming as thin as Victoria.
TomKat are hoping to start babymaking in the near future, just like the Beckhams, and Tom is worried that Katie will become too obsessed with her diet and fitness regimes.
Oprah Winfrey’s name has become synonymous with yo-yo dieting over the years.
From one extreme of crash liquid diets to the other extreme of “yo, pass me that box of Ding Dongs“, Oprah’s weight has inexplicably become a fascinating topic to people. Actually, take out the word ‘weight’ from that sentence and you’ve still got a mighty true statement, but nonetheless, Oprah is going to do a 21-day vegan detox diet.
Does this mean we have to see her strut out to show off her new skinny outfits like she always does after a diet? Wait, we don’t watch anyway, so who really gives a lovely toss?
