Say what you like about Kelly Osbourne, but… no, seriously. Say whatever you like. We’re not Kelly Osbourne so we’re not going to defend her. That’s because she’s rather fond of doing it for herself.
See, Kelly has had a privileged but awkward upbringing, and so, as some coping mechanism, developed a really loud mouth.
If you go after her, she’ll probably huff and puff and yell your house down. So, when an ex of hers starts slating her on twitter, she’s not likely to take it lying down is she? Especially when she’s still grieving over the loss of her friend, Amy Winehouse.
Read More >>>
What do you do when you’re feeling lonely? If you’ve got a partner away on business, the easiest thing to do is go camping and shit in a hedge. Right? We say that because this is precisely what Justin Bieber has decided to do while Selena Gomez is away with work.
The foetal singing sensation is pining for Selena who is in London promoting some crap or other, while wondering why all those seemingly nice young women persist in wishing she was dead.
Of course, the best thing to do when deprived of the one you love is to deprive yourself of absolutely everything. No electricity, no toilets, proper bed to sleep in… and bears. Bears who want to eat the spine out of you. Wouldn’t it be awful if Justin B got attacked by a ravenous bear? Think about it. Terrible.
Read More >>>
Dog owners are idiots. They dote on their flea-bitten shit-factories like they’re proper members of the family, despite the fact they do no work around the house, demand food and walkies and are only good for blaming your flatulence on.
Not that dog owners would ever let on. They look into their idiot dog’s eyes and mistake stupidity for some kind of human empathy. ‘My dog understands me and is always there when I need them!’ Dogs are always there, period. They’re after food or a piss, not a heart-to-heart. Dogs probably don’t even have hearts. Just more shit.
Of course, the rest of us perfectly sensible humans have to put up with people when their dogs die. We suffered like Jesus on the cross when Jennifer Aniston’s dog passed-away, and now, we are required to do the same for Kelly Osbourne who has lost the only thing in her life that she felt was an intellectual equal.
Read More >>>
It has been a truly rubbish week for Cameron Diaz.
First her father Emilio dies suddenly of pneumonia at 58 years young – a truly traumatic experience that no daughter should have to go through.
It’s in times like these we turn to the ones that love us the most for support; our family; our friends; our dashingly handsome Glaswegian boyfriend called Gerard Butler.
Oh, no, wait – screw that last one, because it turns out he’s left her to mourn here alone. And as we cry away a river of pain, the uncaring media report sightings of him publicly tonguing some Z-list TV celebrity.
Fucking men!
Read More >>>
Legendary actor Charlton Heston has died, aged 84.
The Oscar-winning actor had been suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. A family spokesman said he passed away on Saturday night at his home in Beverley Hills, California.
During his career, the actor, famed for his muscular build and booming baritone voice, won an Oscar for his role In Ben Hur, let rip at a bunch of monkeys for destroying the Statue of Liberty ‘You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!’.
He raised a rod over his head as Moses in The Ten Commandments and parted the Red Sea, and was seen controversially mimicking the Moses-pose in Michael Moore’s Bowling For Colombine, this time as President of the NRA, challenging any detractors of his to pry the rifle “from my cold, dead hands”.
Read More >>>
Charlton Heston RIPLegendary actor Charlton Heston has died, aged 84.
The Oscar winning actor had been suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. A family spokesman said he passed away Saturday night at his home in Beverley Hills, California.
During his career the actor, famed for his muscular build and booming baritone voice, won an Oscar for his role In Chariots of Fire, let rip at a bunch of monkeys for destroying the statue of liberty ‘You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!’. He raised a rod over his head as Moses in The Ten Commandments and parted the Red Sea, and was seen controversially mimicking the Moses-pose in Michael Moore’s Bowling For Colombine, this time as President of the NRA, challenging any detractors of his to pry the rifle “from my cold, dead handsâ€.
Before Heath Ledger and Jeremy Beadle there was Pimp C – the rapper who died mysteriously in December.
But now a coroner has officially declared that Pimp C's cause of death was down to drinking too much cough syrup. Honestly.
Incidentally, one of Pimp C's best-known songs was Sippin On Some Sizzurp, all about how nice it is to drink loads of cough medicine at one. It's an irony not seen since Steve Irwin recorded the Baton Rouge Jigg gangsta classic Fightin With Some Stizzrays.
Read More >>>
If you discovered that Ike Turner died of something boring like pneumonia or old age or a heart condition, you'd be pretty upset.
After all, this is Ike Turner – inventor of rock and roll and wife-beater extraordinaire – we're talking about. Surely Ike Turner's death had to be as spectacular as his life.
Well it was, provided that 'Massive Cocaine Overdose' is spectacular enough for you. And, unless you were hoping that Ike Turner's death was caused by a giant robot from outer space exploding him with its death rays, hopefully this will do.
Read More >>>
