The only reason, and we do mean the only reason, we’d ever be seen following Simon Cowell all over town is if we’d gotten reliable word that there’s a fist-sized diamond lodged somewhere inside him, and he’s carrying a lunch-pale chock full of old fruit.
If that were the case, we’d follow him alright – but still only if he looked kinda like he was walking with his knees hinged together. He’d never know we were tailing him though – because we have three different disguises to choose from. Two of them are Russian themed, and the third is a girl-Bugs Bunny.
Not everybody is so stealthy – like the paparazzo who stuck a tracking device on Cowell’s undercarriage.
