Articles tagged with: Denise Richards
Breaking News: Denise Richards Cannot Sing
There's not a lot to explain here, really. Denise Richards cannot sing. She cannot sing. Denise Richards literally cannot sing. In fact, all there is to say here is that Denise Richards was asked to sing Take Me Out To The Ball Game during the 7th inning stretch of a Chicago Cubs game at Wrigley Field on Friday, and she obliged. But she obliged in a way that may have caused widespread irreversible bleeding deafness. So instead we'll show you the video after the jump, along with a list of five things that Denise Richards sounds like when she sings...
There's not a lot to explain here, really. Denise Richards cannot sing. She cannot sing. Denise Richards literally cannot sing. In fact, all there is to say here is that Denise Richards was asked to sing Take Me Out To The Ball Game during the 7th inning stretch of a Chicago Cubs game at Wrigley Field on Friday, and she obliged. But she obliged in a way that may have caused widespread irreversible bleeding deafness. So instead we'll show you the video after the jump, along with a list of five things that Denise Richards sounds like when she sings...
WEBTHUMP! Friday 24 April 2009
10 - Teachers and human poo. Not porn, weirdly - Komonews 9 - American newsreaders are cool. No, not cool. What's the word? - PopEater 8 - Denise Richards has got quite big boobs. HAHAHA, WE GET IT! - FunnyOrDie 7 - LION IN A BATHTUB! - Winsconsinhistory
Charlie Sheen Has Twin Boys To One Day Fight Over
Say what you will about Charlie Sheen - that he's a lumpen, one-note actor who lucked into success, for instance. But you can't fault his timing. That's because Charlie Sheen and his wife Brooke Mueller have chosen now to give birth to twin boys named Max and Bob. Why is that significant? Because it synchronises nicely with his ex-wife Denise Richards' stint on Dancing With The Stars. So congratulations to Charlie Sheen, and good luck to Denise Richards, who'll be so attention-seeking this week that her routine will climax with a spontaneous combustion that splatters guts all down Len Goodman's suit.
Say what you will about Charlie Sheen - that he's a lumpen, one-note actor who lucked into success, for instance. But you can't fault his timing. That's because Charlie Sheen and his wife Brooke Mueller have chosen now to give birth to twin boys named Max and Bob. Why is that significant? Because it synchronises nicely with his ex-wife Denise Richards' stint on Dancing With The Stars. So congratulations to Charlie Sheen, and good luck to Denise Richards, who'll be so attention-seeking this week that her routine will climax with a spontaneous combustion that splatters guts all down Len Goodman's suit.
Get Ready For The Breakdowniest Dancing With The Stars Ever!
As good as Dancing With The Stars is, we've often felt that it hasn't teetered on the brink of emotional breakdown enough. But lucky old us. The Dancing With The Stars producers have listened to our unspoken wishes and signed such a bewilderingly diverse array of celebrities for its new season that we're honestly convinced that Len Goodman will end the final with a broken nose, several deep gashes to his face and a kitchen knife poking out the back of his skull. How scary is the new Dancing With The Stars? Steve-O scary. Lil' Kim scary. Jewel scary. Scary.
As good as Dancing With The Stars is, we've often felt that it hasn't teetered on the brink of emotional breakdown enough. But lucky old us. The Dancing With The Stars producers have listened to our unspoken wishes and signed such a bewilderingly diverse array of celebrities for its new season that we're honestly convinced that Len Goodman will end the final with a broken nose, several deep gashes to his face and a kitchen knife poking out the back of his skull. How scary is the new Dancing With The Stars? Steve-O scary. Lil' Kim scary. Jewel scary. Scary.
Denise Richards: It’s Unemployment
The world is split into three: one group hates Denise Richards, one group likes Denise Richards and the other group doesn't care if Denise Richards lives or dies. Sadly, none of these groups watch Denise Richards: It's Complicated. The group that likes her won't watch it because they don't like how she's portrayed in it, the group that hates her won't watch it because they hate her and the group that doesn't care won't watch it because ultimately they're quite sensible. And that's why Denise Richards: It's Complicated is getting cancelled. Personally we blame the title. Denise Richards: It's Complicated is both vague and untrue. Denise Richards Exceeds The Most Negative Aspects Of Her Reputation While Simultaneously Doing Her Best To Prove The Opposite would have got the viewers flooding in. But, no, nobody ever listens to us.
The world is split into three: one group hates Denise Richards, one group likes Denise Richards and the other group doesn't care if Denise Richards lives or dies. Sadly, none of these groups watch Denise Richards: It's Complicated. The group that likes her won't watch it because they don't like how she's portrayed in it, the group that hates her won't watch it because they hate her and the group that doesn't care won't watch it because ultimately they're quite sensible. And that's why Denise Richards: It's Complicated is getting cancelled. Personally we blame the title. Denise Richards: It's Complicated is both vague and untrue. Denise Richards Exceeds The Most Negative Aspects Of Her Reputation While Simultaneously Doing Her Best To Prove The Opposite would have got the viewers flooding in. But, no, nobody ever listens to us.
Charlie Sheen Earns More Than You
It really isn't very nice reading stories about those acting types and how much they actually earn for what they consider 'work'. Now sure, if it's someone like the Baler losing ridiculous amounts of weight (or putting it back on to be Batman), or generally any kind of actor that's willing to put their body on the line and actually change themselves physically or mentally to help their performance, then fair enough. But when you're Charlie Sheen? Come on. You don't really deserve that much for your acting talent, do you? Sure, you were entertaining in 'Hot Shots', but does that mean you should be able to command $825,000 (about £420,000) per episode of 'Two and a Half Men', thus making you the highest paid TV actor in the US? Apparently it does. Colour us confused.
It really isn't very nice reading stories about those acting types and how much they actually earn for what they consider 'work'. Now sure, if it's someone like the Baler losing ridiculous amounts of weight (or putting it back on to be Batman), or generally any kind of actor that's willing to put their body on the line and actually change themselves physically or mentally to help their performance, then fair enough. But when you're Charlie Sheen? Come on. You don't really deserve that much for your acting talent, do you? Sure, you were entertaining in 'Hot Shots', but does that mean you should be able to command $825,000 (about £420,000) per episode of 'Two and a Half Men', thus making you the highest paid TV actor in the US? Apparently it does. Colour us confused.
Yay! Here’s Another Denise Richards/ Charlie Sheen Spaz-Out
By our calculations it's been three seconds since Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen last had a humiliating wibble in public. And that means, you guessed it, it's time for another one. And this one is serious! Denise Richards has trotted off to court to request an emergency order restricting Charlie Sheen's access to their children. According to Denise Richards, there's a serious issue in Charlie Sheen's home that could have an adverse effect on the children. Since this is Charlie Sheen we're talking about, we've whittled the possible causes for concern down to a) whores, b) drugs or c) DVD copies of Two And A Half Men. For the children's sake we can only pray that it's not the latter. They're just children, for crying out loud.
By our calculations it's been three seconds since Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen last had a humiliating wibble in public. And that means, you guessed it, it's time for another one. And this one is serious! Denise Richards has trotted off to court to request an emergency order restricting Charlie Sheen's access to their children. According to Denise Richards, there's a serious issue in Charlie Sheen's home that could have an adverse effect on the children. Since this is Charlie Sheen we're talking about, we've whittled the possible causes for concern down to a) whores, b) drugs or c) DVD copies of Two And A Half Men. For the children's sake we can only pray that it's not the latter. They're just children, for crying out loud.
Denise Richards’ Neighbours Despise Her And Her Fancy TV Cameras
Several years ago hecklerspray was gifted a beautiful video camera from a nice Japanese tourist that was afraid to chase us into a hazardous construction zone.
It was a nice camera too. It had an on and off button, a lens cap attached by a string, and as of 15 minutes after we got it – cement dried and smeared down the side. That was from the construction zone.
Our first project with the new toy was to film a typical day in the life of our grandmother. She cooked eggs, sewed a blanket, bathed with a wash cloth using stagnant water from the kitchen sink, and choked a neighbour with a hammock while accusing them of newspaper-theft.
She took to that camera pretty well. Nanners was photogenic too - and she more than convinced us the media had her all wrong. Yup – she’s a real Denise Richards. Don’t tell Richards' neighbours that, though. If they find out there’s another one their heads might explode.
They’re quite sick of her you know.
Several years ago hecklerspray was gifted a beautiful video camera from a nice Japanese tourist that was afraid to chase us into a hazardous construction zone.It was a nice camera too. It had an on and off button, a lens cap attached by a string, and as of 15 minutes after we got it – cement dried and smeared down the side. That was from the construction zone.
Our first project with the new toy was to film a typical day in the life of our grandmother. She cooked eggs, sewed a blanket, bathed with a wash cloth using stagnant water from the kitchen sink, and choked a neighbour with a hammock while accusing them of newspaper-theft.
She took to that camera pretty well. Nanners was photogenic too - and she more than convinced us the media had her all wrong. Yup – she’s a real Denise Richards. Don’t tell Richards' neighbours that, though. If they find out there’s another one their heads might explode.
They’re quite sick of her you know.
