Articles tagged with: Demi Moore
Demi Moore is the world's prettiest bag of bones in a designer outfit. She is also the prettiest person married to Ashton Kutcher. So, will you guys bloomin' stop saying that her skinny face and stunning body need to be Photoshopped to be fabulous? Because they don't! Demi is even willing to sue over claims that her legs and torso were airbrushed for W magazine. She and her lawyers are chomping at the bit - but don't worry, their anger isn't really directed towards you. Demi was caught in the middle of a really tiny scandal a few weeks back. It was about as scandalous as being accused of dying away grey hairs. But she insisted on making a mountain out of a molehill. Not an actual mole, mind you. Otherwise that would need Photoshopping/ surgically removing too, like it did for Sarah Jessica Parker. Then we'd be caught in one long uroboros-style scandal that would never, ever die.
Remember the name Susan Boyle - in ten years she'll probably be the answer to a pub quiz question or something. Or a major Broadway star. No, we were right first time - Susan Boyle will be the answer in a pub quiz. And the question will be 'what was the name of the funny-looking woman from Britain's Got Talent who made everyone jizz in their pants because she sang a terrible song in a mediocre way?' That's right, everyone. Thanks to Britain's Got Talent, Susan Boyle has won Demi Moore over and might appear on Oprah. Literally on Oprah. The pervert.
Being Rumer Willis is probably one of the hardest jobs in the world - there's that moronic name, for starters. And the genetic fluke that's means she looks like a wartime cartoon of Mussolini. And, worst of all, Rumer Willis has to deal with her mother Demi Moore larking around with Ashton Kutcher like a scene from a bad MILF porno. We don't feel sorry for Rumer Willis because she has to put up with Ashton Kutcher's gormless babbling, though - we feel sorry for her because she had a crush on Ashton as a child, and is therefore probably clinically insane.
For all the pomp and achievement around Barack Obama's inauguration today, he's bound to feel a little trepidation. Obama is inheriting a country that's in its worst state for decades, and the wave of expectation which took him to the White House is so perilously high that he's bound to disappoint great swathes of those who voted him in. Before too long, Barack Obama is going to need a friend. And a friend is what he's got in Eva Longoria, who's pledged to plant 500 trees on hs behalf. So that'll be a great big bloody weight off his mind, then.
It is a widely known fact that hecklerspray has a great thirst for scientific research.
That’s why it peaked our interest to learn that a recent scientific study showed that when people hear the words ‘Demi Moore’ and ‘leech’, 97.624% (p < 0.05) automatically think ‘Ashton Kutcher’.
Although such results are can hardly be classified as breakthrough findings, it explains why the vast majority of the world recoiled in disgust at hearing Demi Moore proclaim that she gets her blood sucked by leeches.
Be at ease, folks. Demi Moore is referring literally to leeches, not an intimate relationship with her husband.
Wow, are you really still wearing that infuriating red Kabbalah string on your wrist and drinking that bottled Kabbalah water? That is so five minutes ago. Kabbalah’s out, you know.
And how can we be so sure it’s out? Because two of the religion’s biggest celebrity zealots, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, seem to have abandoned the Kabbalah ship.
That’s what we’d have done, too. Kabbalah doesn’t have near as nice a ship as the Scientology cruise ship, Freewinds, anyway.
