Usually when hecklerspray attends job interviews with a resume in-hand, the interviewers ask us things like “That thar piece a paper say you know how to dig graves?”

Which it doesn’t – and it never has. For years the only thing our resume has had printed on it are the words me, work and good. So far no takers, likely due to the economic climate.

Our resume is probably in need of a makeover – once we have our absolutely real degree in advanced Beatles-ology from Liverpool Hope University – that’s probably when potential employers will stop pushing us out of things.

Art degrees are probably gonna start to look pretty good on a resume now that they’ll no longer be soaking in the absolute bottom of the useless barrel. They really were the bottom, you know – the worst of the worst. They’d sit shamefully down their stewing in the sour juices trickling down to them from slightly less embarrassing degrees like ‘Social Science’ and ‘French.’

If you had an art degree, chances are anyone to whom you slid your resume across a big oak desk would look at it, and then remained puzzled the rest of the day as to why you chose a blue and yellow fresco background to print things out on. Seriously, that crap might work at a craft supply store – but you’re graduated now! Time to look responsible! Time to use straight-forward fonts!

Don’t worry though. Your chances of getting hired have just increased slightly. That’s because if an employer is trying to pick between two resumes – yours and one that says ‘Majored in the Beatles,’ well let’s just say you might have your pick of cubicles.

The Beatles have suddenly become a bona fide graduate degree – we’re serious here. Don’t believe us? Then just you read what we found on Liverpool Hope University’s own website:

“Liverpool Hope University has launched a brand new MA in The Beatles, Popular Music and Society, the first of its kind in the world. The new course, which can be studied both full and part time, covers four modules with specific issues relating to The Beatles and Popular Music, consisting of four 12-week taught modules, plus a dissertation…

“…’Forty years on from their break-up, now is the right time and LIverpool is the right place to study The Beatles. This MA is expected to attract a great deal of attention, not just locally but nationally and we have already had enquiries from abroad, particularly the United States.”

We’ve heard popular classroom activities will be playing that one Beatles-infused video game, and drawing what you think Heather Mills’ missing leg might look like this very second. We would pencil sketch a motorcycle boot covered in worms.

There are actually jobs you can get with that Beatles degree, you know. For instance, maybe you could work at a bagel shop. If not, maybe the school will help you find some post-scholastic employment. We’ve not heard if they actually offer any sort of job placement after you walk across their stage, but we’re guessing not.

By that point they’ll have packed all the tuition you gave them into a suitcase and gone somewhere to launder it.

Because that’s what you do with stolen money. You launder it.

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This is a bit of a secret, so keep it under your hats, but apparently Paul McCartney is quite good at music.

That’s not because Paul McCartney was one of the principle songwriters in the world’s biggest-ever band, mind you. No, it’s because Paul McCartney has now been given an honorary Doctor of Music degree from Yale University. Just an honorary one, mind you – Paul McCartney isn’t that good at music.

Despite the token nature of the doctorate, Paul McCartney’s new title means that he now gets to fist-fight Dr Fox to determine who has the most pointlessly hokey medical-sounding title. Careful, Sir Paul – Foxy fights dirty, plus you’re really bloody old. The odds aren’t looking great.

If you’d fallen off a ladder and snapped your leg in 16 places, who would you want rushing to help you – an actual doctor or a wobbly-headed old man who looks more and more like your dead grandmother with every passing day and once wrote a song about some happy frogs?

Of course you’d want the froggy old man, because real doctors are inherently untrustworthy and there’s a chance that the old man would amputate your leg, marry you then divorce you a few months later and give you millions of quid. But only if he’s Paul McCartney, mind you – it’s less likely to happen if he’s the scary old granny tramp who sleeps outside Argos and scream-sings an improvised song called Happy Frogs (Crawling Out Of My Arse) at strangers all day.

Anyway, this is all just a long-winded way of saying that Paul McCartney is Yale University’s newest honorary doctor of music. The Associated Press reports:

Yale said the 65-year-old McCartney awakened a generation, giving a fresh sound to rock and roll and to rhythm and blues. Yale University President Richard Levin evoked some of the songwriter’s most memorable lines. “Here, there and everywhere,” Levin said, quoting a line from a Beatles song, “you have pushed the boundaries of the familiar to create new classics. We admire your musical genius and your generous support of worthy causes.”

Levin then added “Plus you aren’t dead like John Lennon. Seriously, he’d have got this title years ago if he was still alive.”

However, after the year that he’s had – what with his divorce from Heather Mills and his heart surgery and his multitude of alleged sexual liaisons with women young enough to be his daughter – Paul McCartney needed cheering up, and if it took an ego-boosting but ultimately worthless publicity stunt by an American university to do so, then so be it.

Plus, for all his awards and record sales and increasingly legendary status as a musician and songwriter, Paul McCartney never gained any formal qualifications for his music, but at least that can change now. Paul McCartney is now a genuine music graduate, which means he can now follow the path of millions of music graduates before him.

That’s so long as Superdrug will employ a Saturday boy his age, of course.