Articles tagged with: defence
R Kelly Trial: Is It R In Video? Is The Girl Who She Says She Is? Who Am I?!
It's an age-old defence and one that many, many people have relied on throughout the ages to help them avoid being shouted at, dumped, ignored or sent to prison on alleged charges of having sex with an underage girl and filming it: "It wasn't me." Even Shaggy relied on it at one point, though the dolt did ruin the get-out clause for the rest of us by making it public knowledge. Now, as fate would have it and as the mole/artifact argument would have us believe, the man in the video being examined in the R Kelly child sex trial isn't actually R himself. It is, as the defence have stated, a lookalike.
It's an age-old defence and one that many, many people have relied on throughout the ages to help them avoid being shouted at, dumped, ignored or sent to prison on alleged charges of having sex with an underage girl and filming it: "It wasn't me." Even Shaggy relied on it at one point, though the dolt did ruin the get-out clause for the rest of us by making it public knowledge. Now, as fate would have it and as the mole/artifact argument would have us believe, the man in the video being examined in the R Kelly child sex trial isn't actually R himself. It is, as the defence have stated, a lookalike.
R Kelly Kiddy Porn Trial: That’s Not A Mole, Idiots, That’s An Artifact
It's obvious to everyone with any sense that it isn't R Kelly in the sex tape at the centre of his child pornography trial. Really, it isn't. R Kelly has a caterpillar-shaped mole on his back, you see, and the man in the R Kelly sex tape doesn't have a caterp... oh wait, yes he does. Bum. However, just because R Kelly and the man in the sex tape appear to have similarly-shaped birthmarks on the same part of their backs, it doesn't make R Kelly guilty of anything. That's because, according to a defence analyst yesterday, there aren't any moles on the R Kelly sex tape at all - only artifacts. What's an artifact? God knows. Let's go!
It's obvious to everyone with any sense that it isn't R Kelly in the sex tape at the centre of his child pornography trial. Really, it isn't. R Kelly has a caterpillar-shaped mole on his back, you see, and the man in the R Kelly sex tape doesn't have a caterp... oh wait, yes he does. Bum. However, just because R Kelly and the man in the sex tape appear to have similarly-shaped birthmarks on the same part of their backs, it doesn't make R Kelly guilty of anything. That's because, according to a defence analyst yesterday, there aren't any moles on the R Kelly sex tape at all - only artifacts. What's an artifact? God knows. Let's go!
R Kelly Kiddy Porn Trial: Wait, Now He Didn’t Do It?
This R Kelly child pornography trial is getting awfully confusing - one minute someone's saying he did it, then another's saying he didn't. Oh, who to believe? Well, since R Kelly's defence began yesterday with testimonies from the accused sex tape victim's relatives, all claiming that it wasn't her who R Kelly was having it off with, our microscopic attention span means we'll have to side with them. So that's it, R Kelly definitely didn't have sex with the 14-year-old girl that everyone thinks he had sex with because the very few members of her family who didn't say that R Kelly definitely did have sex with her say he didn't. We can't believe it was this obvious all along.
This R Kelly child pornography trial is getting awfully confusing - one minute someone's saying he did it, then another's saying he didn't. Oh, who to believe? Well, since R Kelly's defence began yesterday with testimonies from the accused sex tape victim's relatives, all claiming that it wasn't her who R Kelly was having it off with, our microscopic attention span means we'll have to side with them. So that's it, R Kelly definitely didn't have sex with the 14-year-old girl that everyone thinks he had sex with because the very few members of her family who didn't say that R Kelly definitely did have sex with her say he didn't. We can't believe it was this obvious all along.
R Kelly Kiddy Porn Trial: Secret Mystery Defence Witness Alert!
It takes a lot to upstage a video of a 13-year-old girl urinating for a grown man, but the R Kelly child pornography trial may have hit the jackpot. Because yesterday at the R Kelly child pornography trial... not much happened. Not much happened because the judge halted the trial for a day. And the judge halted the trial because a brand new ultra-mysterious secret witness for the defence has just descended onto the scene. According to R Kelly's defence, nobody knew this witness even existed until 9am yesterday morning when it received a phone call. It's exciting, dramatic stuff and not even the judge knows what's going on. We can't wait! We want to be profoundly disappointed by the inevitable anticlimax now!
It takes a lot to upstage a video of a 13-year-old girl urinating for a grown man, but the R Kelly child pornography trial may have hit the jackpot. Because yesterday at the R Kelly child pornography trial... not much happened. Not much happened because the judge halted the trial for a day. And the judge halted the trial because a brand new ultra-mysterious secret witness for the defence has just descended onto the scene. According to R Kelly's defence, nobody knew this witness even existed until 9am yesterday morning when it received a phone call. It's exciting, dramatic stuff and not even the judge knows what's going on. We can't wait! We want to be profoundly disappointed by the inevitable anticlimax now!
