Decoded - HecklerSpray

Kanye West Isn’t Like Those Other Rappers – He Stands Dumbly In The Occupy Wall Street Protest!

October 12th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Kanye West is a man so needy that it actually makes the planet we stand on wince. That said, it is kinda fun to have this celebrity waltzing around with ideas that he’s the next Picasso rather than the standard fodder of self aggrandising rapper from the streets chat.

As such, Kanye is always keen to point out to everyone that he does things a little different. He’s a real curate’s egg of a man.

And he took himself down to by With The People and protestors at the Occupy Wall Street movement in New York City this week. And there, he showcased the classic ‘I’m not doing any interviews, to promote myself’ thing.

Cher Lloyd Makes Instantly Forgettable But Inevitable No.1 Called ‘With Ur Love’

October 11th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

After ‘Swagger Jagger’ saw release, everyone with ears hooted in derision. Cher Lloyd was the latest in a long line of pop stars showcasing the fact that, we as a species, have finally run dry of melodies.

However, against all the odds, flying in the face of decency, the track went to number one, making Crosby Stills & Nash fans cry into their morning hemp flakes.

And now Cher Lloyd is going to do it all over again with a song called ‘With Ur Love’. Sadly, the ‘Ur’ doesn’t stand of Underground Resistance. Jarring promotional video is over the jump.

Adele Releases Video For Someone Like You, Which You’re Already Sick Of Hearing

September 30th, 2011 By hecklerspray staff

Imagine just for a second that you're Adele. You wake up to the contractual Lazy Susan of creamed pastries and important news.

As you separate your breasts from clapping together when you roll over to the eclair sideboard, you hear that someone on the X Factor is totally stealing your shtick and that song that you've rammed down so many throats that the Nation doesn't have a gag reflex anymore? Well the video is out. You?d probably have a celebratory glass of whole cream as you sit down to watch it.

Aaaaaaaaaaand, end scene. Well done everyone. Take five and grab something from the green room.

Cher Lloyd Wishes Tulisa Had Mentored Her Instead Of Cheryl Cole Who She Hates

September 22nd, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

The hype that surrounds X Factor 2011 is starting to finally quieten down. Unless you live Stateside, in which case, we apologise.

We've endured the taunts and teases about which judges would step in for Simon Cowell, Cheryl Cole, Kylie Minogue?s sister. Louis Walsh?s alleged nightclub incident could’ve seen him judging from the cells. The appointments of Tulisa and Gary Barlow made vague sense, but Kelly Rowland? She was basically the backing vocalist to Beyonce in Destiny?s Child.

Because the human race is full of bitter and twisted people, the majority of folk watching X Factor only bother with the audition stages. Here, we can prejudge people based on their appearance, clothing and back story. The judges have passed their verdict on thousands of hopefuls and now it's off to boot camp. Last year, Cher Lloyd found herself there and paired with Cheryl Cole. She might have been grateful for Cheryl?s guidance then, but times have changed. Cher would have preferred Tulisa from N-Dubz guiding her. Get your claws out.

Imma Let You Finish Beyonce, Once You Agree To Kanye Being Godfather To Your Unborn Baby

September 1st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Beyonce is pregnant. That’s great isn’t it? Unless you’d hoped that B and Jay Z were going to adopt you in some way. She’s 3 months gone! Wow. Wait. That means she was having sex when when Osama bin Laden got killed or Ratko Mladi? got arrested for genocide and war crimes.

It seems justice, death and open war-graves turn Beyonce on. Crikey.

While everyone koochy coos about this new baby, Kanye West is shouting “FIRST” in the comments, saying that he’s already decided that he’s going to be the godfather of this baby, regardless of what anyone else says.

Jay Z Makes You Feel Like A Skinflint With $50k Tip

August 18th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Do you leave tips in restaurants? If there’s a few of you, you all chuck a quid in each because that seems about right? Well, you’re nothing but a sickening tightwad because, when Jay Z leaves a tip, he really leaves a tip.

We’re not talking about a tip like “condoms make excellent fingerprint disguisers if you’re robbing a chemist” or anything like that.

We’re talking about Jigga going to some place and leaving them with a $50,000. Tell that to Mr Pink from Reservoir Dogs.

Decoded: Lady GaGa’s Warning In ‘You And I’ That You Should Never Mix Ice Cream With Fish

August 5th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Lady GaGa has a new video out again for us to all split into two camps about. One camp is the “Hurray! She’s weird and fresh! Just what pop needs!”, the other is the “Boo! She’s an idiot! An attention seeking idiot! Make her go away!”

This promo for ‘You And I’ will be no different as it features a sexually charged GaGa (or three) messing about with vomit, mermaids, quiffs and Heston Blumenthal.

What? Really? Yes. It’s all a warning about the perils of mixing fish with ice-cream.

Decoded: Jay Z And Kanye West’s Watch The Throne ‘Otis’ Promo

August 7th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Kanye West and Jay Z have got together to make supreme ego project, Watch The Throne. The first single taken from it is called ‘Otis’. Is that something to do with the people who make shopping centre escalators?

Of course it isn’t. That’s a stupid notion. But well done if you’ve ever noticed that mall escalators are made by a company called Otis. You’re as sad as we are.

No, this new track is called ‘Otis’ because it leans heavily on a sample taken from Otis Redding’s most famous track, ‘Try A Little Tenderness’. A little too heavily if you ask us. But what is the video like? Well, lets pull it to pieces shall we?

Cher Lloyd Hates People With Opinions. Except Example.

July 12th, 2011 By Joanna Bolouri

Last week our editor Mof made us all listen to Cher Lloyd’s ‘Swagger Jagger‘ causing a mixture of great sadness, violent outbursts?and?uncontrollable bleeding throughout the hecklerspray bedsit. ?Not a pretty sight.

So you can imagine our horror when we found out that another video has surfaced where she’s still attempting to convince us all she’s a really brilliant pop star by letting noises fall out of her mouth again while some poor fella is forced (paid) to play the guitar beside her in black and white.

We’ll let you be the judge of her new single ‘Superhero’ below but it seems that Cher cannot take any form of?criticism?whatsoever and is determined to answer critics on Twitter personally in some brattish attempt to get the last word.

Decoded: Cher Lloyd’s ‘Swagger Jagger’ Forces Pop Down Your Ear

August 7th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Cher Lloyd can’t do a thing right. We suspect it isn’t actually anything to do with her, rather, the machinery that surrounds her. Every single move made by the financiers seems to be one clanging mistake after another.

And so, painted into a corner with a neon sign flashing over her head saying ‘Unlikeable’, Cher Lloyd’s ‘Swagger Jagger’ video gets its premiere… and everyone hates it.

When we started writing this article, more YouTubers ?disliked? it than rated it. And of course, like all pop releases of note, we’re on-hand to dissect it with the cruelty scalpel.