death hoax - HecklerSpray

Lindsay Lohan Still Isn’t Dead, Surprisingly

July 15th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

Some death hoaxes – like the one about Matt Damon and the treasure hunt – are quite obviously fake.

And then there’s Lindsay Lohan. If someone was to tell you that Lindsay Lohan had died, whatever the story – be it a drug overdose or a car accident or a violent beating or a shark attack or exposure to a radioactive sex toy – chances are you’d respond by rolling your eyes and saying something along the lines of “This does not come as a surprise to me”.

Which might be why large swathes of the internet yesterday bought the rumour, spread on Wikipedia and Twitter, that Lindsay Lohan had died. Which is, of course, ludicrous – Lindsay Lohan has got so much left to give. Like, you know, that pornstar film she’s making. And that book she’ll self-publish after she inevitably replaces alcohol with hardline evangelical christianity. And… no, actually that’s it.

This Just In: Russell Crowe Still Not Dead

June 11th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

Deathaganza 2010 has really obliterated our celebrity stocks. We’ve lost that bloke from that band, for example.

And that woman’s husband. And the bloke who used to be in that that thing and the old lady from that other thing. Where’s it going to end? We’ll tell you where – you’ll end up being the most famous person on the planet. And that’s a disgrace because, seriously, look at the state of you.

But maybe we’re not there just yet. Russell Crowe hasn’t died, for one. But that didn’t stop one New York radio station from yesterday getting carried away and telling everyone that he had. But Russell Crowe definitely isn’t dead. His chances of winning a Grammy, yes. His soul, possibly. But his physical body is still very much alive.

Of Course Matt Damon Isn’t Dead, You Idiots

September 10th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

You may have read that Matt Damon died recently during a hunt for lost Mexican gold in the desert. Well, guess what?

He didn’t. Matt Damon is still alive. It’s shocking, we know. All the parts of the story seemed to add up – Matt Damon does look like the sort of person who’ll eventually end up dying, and his thirst for perilous Indiana Jones-style archaeological adventures is what people love him best for – but it was all a lie.

In fact, instead of dying in horrible circumstances, Matt Damon went to Italy. So at least the rumours were close.