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Win The Very Bathtub Whitney Houston Died In!

by Kris Silver

Are you the sort of person that slows down on the road when you see an accident up ahead, contorting your neck into all sorts of positions that were hitherto reserved for those that practiced the Karma Sutra, in the hope that you may catch a glimpse of what was once a person, just like you, but is now nothing more than an empty bag of bones spread across a dashboard?

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Whitney Houston Had Death Premonition Before She Died, Usefully

by Mof Gimmers

Whitney Houston apparently wanted to see Jesus just before she died, which has seen people noting that she probably knew the ‘end was near’, which is incredibly useful really seeing as she went and actually died over the weekend.

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It’s Okay Everyone! Celine Dion Knows Exactly What Killed Whitney Houston! Call Off The Cops!

by Mof Gimmers

No-one knows how Whitney Houston died yet. There’s all kinds of swish scientific tests going on so we, the general public, can be told unequivocally that she is, officially speaking, definitely dead.

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Whitney Houston’s Death Prompts Awkward Shuffling Of Feet From The Media

by Mof Gimmers

Once again, hecklerspray finds itself in the awkward position of reporting on the untimely death of a celebrity we actually liked, but mocked the build-up. This always happens and, crucially, won’t stop happening.

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Naomi Watts To Play Princess Diana: Royalists And Ring 2 Fans Unite In Grief

by Sophie Hall

Right. Here’s the future. In the year 200andGoogleitbecausewedidnot, once all the disinfectant from Leona Lewis’ Olympic Opening Ceremony Performance has sterilized Britain, there is to be some exciting news. Naomi Watts is going to do exactly what Meryl Streep has just done here in 2012.

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Aaron And Nick Carter, Now Very Much Crying With Awful Grief

by Mof Gimmers

And now, some news that should leave you feeling utterly confused and unsure of how to feel. Basically, this will either sadden you or make you wonder whether you should give the slightest shit about it all. And it involves Nick and Aaron Carter.

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Paris Jackson And Justin Bieber To Shag With Unswerving Predictability

by Mof Gimmers

When Michael Jackson was alive (he’s very much dead these days), he ended up getting married to Lisa Marie Presley. It was weird. The King Of Pop shacking up with The King Of Rock ‘n’ Roll’s daughter. Mixing pop royalty like that… it’s incestuous and odd. And guess what is going to happen? That’s right, [...]

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Demi Moore’s 911 Emergency Call Is Early Contender For Christmas No1

by Mof Gimmers

As well you know, Demi Moore’s suffering and being rushed to hospital after seizures from alleged narcotics, is simply not enough for us. The fact she’s so unhappy is fine and all, but we need more. Like what? We all need to hear her cry for help. It’s not good enough knowing that she was [...]

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Michael Jackson’s Glee Episode Is Imminent (Don’t Let Him In A School!)

by Matthew Laidlow

Americans have loads of stuff that’s essentially just for them, but occasionally seeps into the cultural mindset of others. Even though its just rounders for men, they call it the “world series” even though only American teams compete. Then there’s the general extra injection of happiness and excitement that all Americans possess. Even going to [...]

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Demi Moore Needs a Nap In Hospital Because She’s Probably About To Die

by Euan L Davidson

You can’t fault Demi Moore’s record. Some terrible, terrible films aside, some people forget that she put up with really, really Republican gunslinger Bruce Willis’ penis for a considerable amount of time, before taking on Ashton Kutcher in his most elaborate “Punk’d” episode so far. Fresh from divorcing the “Butterfly Effect”, um, star (well, he [...]

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