dead celebrities - HecklerSpray

Awesome Or Off-Putting: The Mystery Of The SS Ourang Medan’s Dead Crew

March 25th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, myths, ancient artifacts, religion, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

The SS Ourang Medan was a Dutch cargo ship that sent out a distress call, but by the time help arrived the entire crew were dead with their eyes open, staring ahead with a look of incredible horror on their faces. As she was about to be towed to land the ship exploded, and sank to a watery grave – refusing to give up any answers as to what happened on her salty decks.

Simon Cowell Gets All ‘Whoops’ About Paula Abdul’s Dead Stalker

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

American Idol loves its theme nights – we’ve previously had Beatles Night, Big Band Night and Ironically Let Taylor Hicks Win Night.

But the forthcoming American Idol will be groundbreaking. That’s because it’ll be the first American Idol theme season – and the theme is ‘everybody be really nice to all the contestants, even if they’re clearly awful, in case more of them show up dead outside Paula Abdul‘s house’.

Actually it’s not. Simon Cowell has spoken about the death of Paula Abdul’s obsessed fan and has decided that, though sad, he’s still going to be a bastard to everyone he meets. Hooray!

Michael Crichton: An Appreciation

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Sad news – author Michael Crichton has died after a battle with cancer, it has been announced. He was 66.

While some will say that Michael Crichton’s legacy will be Jurassic Park, the best-selling novel that was turned into movie phenomenon; or ER, the TV series he created from his own experiences as a doctor; or even Westworld, the movie he directed that was exactly the same as Jurassic Park except with a bald-headed robot cowboy instead of dinosaurs, they are respectfully wrong.

Mr Blackwell Dies, Nauses Up Everyone’s January

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

There’s only one reason why we even slightly enjoy coming back to work after our Christmas break, and that’s Mr Blackwell.

For the last 35 years, the highlight of January has been Mr Blackwell’s worst-dressed list – a bewilderingly written, mostly-alliterative rhyme-heavy blizzard of celebrity nastiness that couldn’t have sounded any more camp if it was read aloud by a talking buttplug in a feather boa at a Cher concert.

But Mr Blackwell won’t be writing a worst-dressed list for 2009, because Mr Blackwell has died of complications from an intestinal infection. It’s a sad day for sure but, who knows, maybe one day scientists will find some of Mr Blackwell’s blood inside a mosquito that’s been trapped in amber and splice his DNA with frogs to create a theme park where all the exhibits run around telling you that your blouse looks crap.

Mel Gibson Punches Lethal Weapon 5 Dead

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Mel Gibson might have questionable tastes when it comes to religion, politics and hairdressing, but you can’t deny the man one thing.

And that’s that he definitely knows when he’s too old for something. Like Lethal Weapon 5, for example. There had been talk that a Lethal Weapon 5 script was written and ready to go, and that everything hinged on Mel Gibson’s approval but, according to director Richard Donner, Mel Gibson wants nothing to do with it.

So that’s that – there absolutely isn’t going to be a Lethal Weapon 5. We can therefore rule Mel Gibson out of making any belated sequels to his movies from now on. Unless he got our script for What Women Want 2, that is. We think it’d be right up Mel Gibson’s alley because, in this one, the thing that women want is the extermination of the Jews.

Paul Newman’s Dead – What Does Arnold Schwarzenegger Think?

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

This weekend, the world lost Paul Newman to cancer – a sad but hardly surprising piece of news, given his age and ill health.

However, although he may have physically passed away, Paul Newman will never really die – he’ll live on forever in our hearts and minds with both his indelible, iconic movie roles and also his yummo salad dressing.

When someone as legendary as Paul Newman passes away, it’s only natural for other celebrities to share their memories of the deceased with everyone. So, as such, we’ve decided to pass on perhaps the most relevant tribute of all – Paul Newman’s co-star in Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid, The Sting and Termintor 3: Rise Of The Machines, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

David Foster Wallace Dead At 46

March 25th, 2009 By C J Davies

Kind of outside the hecklerspray remit, this, but a sizeable chunk of you seem like a literary bunch and might not have heard yet: writer David Foster Wallace has been found dead at his home in California.

Wallace was reportedly found by his wife on Friday evening. He had committed suicide.

He was best known for his sprawling 1996 epic Infinite Jest – an epic satirical panorama which simultaneously enthralls, infuriates and excites. It’s without doubt one of the most remarkable books published in … well, forever … and if you haven’t tackled it yet you should run out and buy yourself a copy.

More Batman 3: Eckhart Says Two-Face Is Dead Dead Dead

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Judging by the ridiculous flurry of Batman 3 speculation lately, you’d be forgiven for thinking that every single human on Earth would a role in it.

But hold your horses, buster. Aaron Eckhart isn’t going to be in Batman 3. That might sound like common sense, seeing as how his character Two-Face stacked it to death off a building at the end of The Dark Knight, but apparently a handful of internet ninnies have decided that Two-Face didn’t die at all, and that both he and his silly voice will return for Batman 3.

And that’s why Aaron Eckhart has come forward to declare once and for all that Two-Face is definitely 100% dead. But don’t worry, disappointed Aaron Eckhart fans – he might not be returning for Batman 3, but copies of his 2007 Catherine Zeta Jones cookery-based romantic comedy No Reservations are still available to buy or rent on DVD. Yes, we thought that’d please you.

Don LaFontaine, Croaky Trailer Voiceover Man, Is Quite Dead

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Is your voice so husky, growling and croaky that it borders on the emphysemic? It is? Great – Hollywood’s got an opening for you.

That’s because Don LaFontaine has died. You know Don LaFontaine – he’s the man who has done the voiceover for every single movie trailer in the history of time. The man with the voice so intimidatingly authoritative that if he slipped the phrase ‘now take off your trousers’ into a trailer, cinemas everywhere would end up full of shivering confused people in their knickers. Yeah, him. He’s dead.

It’s being reported that Don LaFontaine died of complications arising from pneumonia, but let’s hope he hasn’t gone to heaven. Chances are his voice would have made God’s sound weedy and effeminate in comparison, and we hear that God gets really quite vengeful when he thinks someone’s got a bigger willy than him.

Dr Dre’s Dead Son Gets A Toxicology Test

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

The death of Andre Young Jr – the 20-year-old son of Dr Dre – has shocked many, mainly because nobody seems to know why he even died.

Andre Young Jr was found dead on Saturday morning. However, the auopsy carried out on his body offered no clues into his cause of death. And that means that everyone involved will have to go through an uncomfortable wait while a toxicology test is carried out.

As sad as this obviously is, the parallels between Dr Dre’s son and Anna Nicole Smith are painfully clear. In short this story will probably go on forever, with weird scary clown facepaint videos and a lengthy investigation into the paternity of Andre Young Jr’s bab… no, wait, it’s nothing like Anna Nicole Smith’s death. Sorry.