Sacked Velvet Revolver singer and My First Nazi Gollum dollset life model Scott Weiland is going to jail.

In what’ll cap off a particularly rubbish opening third of 2008 for him, Scott Weiland has been sentenced to eight days in jail for crashing his car drunk in Los Angeles last November – a charge that he can add to another DUI from 2003, some drug offences from the 1990s and a domestic violence charge from 2001.

Still, eight days in jail isn’t that bad – it’s lucky that the judge didn’t take Scott Weiland’s music into consideration when reaching the sentence, otherwise he’d have been given life. In solitary confinement. On a dung heap. Up a farty dragon’s bottom. On the moon.

These are uncertain times for Scott Weiland. His wife has burnt all his clothes, his Velvet Revolver bandmates have sacked him for being a weirdo and his entire future rests on a Stone Temple Pilots reunion – something that ranks slightly below ‘smashing your kneecaps in with a rusty golf club’ on the List Of Things You’d Happily Spend Your Money On.

What Scott Weiland needs is a constant – some routine in his life that’ll straighten out his priorities for a while. And if Scott Weiland’s constant could be located in a giant building full of little tiny rooms, and angry men with suspect hygiene inside those little rooms, then that be even better.

Which is great, because Scott Weiland is going to jail. True, we didn’t ask that his constant smells like it was painted with a million gallons of stale elephant urine, but that’s just a lucky bonus.

After crashing his car dunk in November, Scott Weiland has been sentenced to eight whole days in jail, as People reports:

Former Velvet Revolver singer Scott Weiland was sentenced Monday to eight days in jail for a second DUI conviction following a Nov 11 arrest. Weiland, who was not present at the Van Nuys, Calif. court, was represented by an attorney who entered a no contest plea on the singer’s behalf. He was also ordered to complete an 18-month alcohol education class and pay nearly $2,000 in fines.

On reflection, that’s not so bad – Scott Weiland knows as well as anyone that if he actually spends longer than six or seven seconds in jail then it’ll be a particularly harsh celebrity sentence, plus the fine isn’t prohibitively large and the alcohol education class will only be a problem if Scott Weiland falls outside of the boundaries of normal human intelligence. He was in Stone Temple Pilots, though, so let’s not rule that possibility out entirely.

However, along with jail, the fine and the stint at booze-school, Scott Weiland was also sentenced to four years probation. That might prove to be more problematic, since Scott’s current record for staying out of trouble is about three and a half seconds.

But let’s worry about that when we need to, because a DUI jail sentence is just what Scott Weiland needed to re-establish his rawk credentials. Well done Scott, you’re now officially as rock and roll as Nicole Richie. Live the dream!

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Scott Weiland Sentenced to Eight Days in Jail – People

It's outrageous – all Michelle Rodriguez wants to do is find beauty in a jail cell and the sods keep setting her free before she can properly find it.

Although Michelle Rodriguez started her 180-day jail sentence for probation violation just over a fortnight ago, it has been reported that she was last night set free for good behaviour. In total Michelle Rodriguez served just 17 days of her six-month sentence.

Michelle should count herself lucky – one day longer and she'd have had to suffer through a full 10 percent of her sentence. Imagine how hellish that would be.

Remember when Michelle Rodriguez went to jail for six months a couple of days before Christmas? Aside from the fact that it meant policeman could work over Christmas without a lairy mannish-looking woman from the Dominican Republic stumbling up to them and ordering them to put a gun to her fucking head, what do you remember most about it?

Was it, say, that Michelle Rodriguez was found to be ineligible for either work furloughs or house arrest and had to – absolutely had to – serve out the entire six months of her jail sentence, all of it, from beginning to end, with not even a sniff an early release?

Funny that, because that's what we remember about it, too.

Not that anything like that matters, though, because Michelle Rodriguez's 180-day sentence for skipping community service from a previous conviction and drinking with a SCRAM anklet has been cut to just 17 days, and she was released last night. People reports:

Michelle Rodriguez was released from the Lynwood, Calif., jail Wednesday night after serving just 17 days of her 180-day sentence… The 29-year-old actress got out at 7:50 p.m., according to her official web site.

17 days? 17 measly days? That's rubbish. Honestly, what's a decent self-respecting female inmate like Michelle Rodriguez supposed to accomplish in 17 poxy days? That's only enough time to get you a brown belt in shiv-fencing at best, plus it's nowhere near the amount of time that Michelle Rodriguez's body needed to build up an immunity to the biro-ink tattoo performed with a spit-sterilised needle that she was planning to give herself. 

Still, Michelle Rodriguez's early jail release hold an important moral for all of us – if you're going to break the law, then do it in Los Angeles. And it helps if you're the shit one from Lost as well.

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Michelle Rodriguez Out of Jail – Early! – People 

Dear stereotypical Islamic terrorists, you might want to think about launching a harebrained, not entirely convincing terrorist attack on Los Angeles sometime within the next 48 days.

Why? Because it's literally the only chance you'll have of doing it without Jack Bauer chasing you, shooting you, kicking you out of the back of trains and never ever urinating not even once. That's right – Kiefer Sutherland is in jail. Yesterday Kiefer Sutherland was sentenced to 48 days in jail following his DUI arrest earlier this year, and then immediately started his sentence. And, unlike Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan or Nicole Richie, Kiefer Sutherland is expected to complete his jail sentence in full, something that Kiefer would have probably avoided if he'd thought to release an ill-judged pop CD, star in a terrible reality TV show or go without underwear when getting out of cars now and then.

What with the writers' strike still trudging along in Hollywood, season seven of 24 has been delayed indefinitely. And without a day job that involves blowing up the bloke from Babe on an oil platform or watching Little Lord Fauntleroy get blinded by a bomb, it's not like Kiefer Sutherland had anything particularly interesting to do anyway, so that's why he's in jail.

OK, technically the reason why Kiefer Sutherland is in jail is because he was arrested for drink-driving in September, capping off an impressively irresponsible run of four arrests for exactly the same thing, but you get the idea. And yesterday Kiefer Sutherland had to face the music.

At 5:30pm local time, just two hours after his 48-day jail sentence was confirmed in court, Kiefer Sutherland turned up to Glendale City Jail to begin his sentence. And, in typical fashion, not even the prison officers could stop themselves falling in love with adorable Mr Sutherland – like jail spokesman Officer John Balian, who said:

"Mr. Sutherland is very polite and humble. He was very cooperative during the booking process."

Spending 48 days in jail should be a breeze for Kiefer Sutherland, though. Like other celebrities, he'll be spending his sentence alone in a two-man cell and will get to move about the prison freely doing laundry and kitchen duties for the duration of his time inside. All that plus Kiefer should get the chance to brush up on his torturing skills each time a nonce tries to attack him from behind with a pebble in a sock.

But it won't all be fun fun fun. The timing of Kiefer's sentencing is terrible because it strips the world of one of the most-loved yuletide traditions, the sight of Kiefer Sutherland attacking a Christmas tree with his entire body. That's like Christmas without Santa or figgy pudding or that slightly disappointed feeling when you open presents that you don't want.

The biggest problem, however, will come after Kiefer Sutherland is released from jail. Once the 24 writers come back off strike, they're going to have to quickly work out a way to explain how Jack Bauer came to get a spidery tattoo reading 'I Love Glendale Prison Dec 07' scrawled all across his face two-thirds of the way through a telephone conversation with Chloe O'Brian.

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Kiefer Clocks Into Jail - E! Online