That’s right, run away you insignificant ants or end up flatter than a Shove Tuesday pancake under our massive squiddy feet. This week – Dawn Of The Dead and The Marine…  

This week we start with a mix of the old and the new, as we have just finished watching George A Romero’s classic zombie flick Zombi, also known as  the seminal Dawn Of The Dead, from 1978 on imported Blu-ray. There really is nothing wrong with this granddaddy of all horror movies – the picture is crisp, the soundtrack is crazy with a compilation of stock musical scores and cues and we found ourselves really rooting for the survivors holed up in the shopping mall, including Ken Foree, who later went on to play the dad in Kenan & Kel, weirdly enough.  

OK, so the zombies are a bit clunky compared to the recent remake and they seem to just stand there and get punched in the face, but that’s how zombies used to be and there are some moments that are more slapstick than survival horror.  Trivia fans note: there are five different cuts and versions of the movie, and the Blu-ray we watched was the 127-minute US theatrical version which is supposedly the definitive cut, although when you become obsessed with Dawn Of The Dead – and you will – we would recommend getting hold of the Ultimate Edition on DVD as it packs in the US theatrical cut, the extended version and the European versions.  

Do you remember when Jean-Claude Van Damme was in good old-fashioned ass kicking movies like AWOL, Kickboxer and Blood Sport and then sort of stopped doing them? Well, we can officially announce that he has been replaced by John Cena, former WWE champion and the new wooden-acting kid on the block. The story of The Marine is painfully simple; John Triton (Cena) and his missus are driving in the country and, lo and behind, she is kidnapped by some ne’er do well diamond thieves led by T100 himself Robert Patrick. Obviously that is a bad move as Johnny boy goes on a one-man-army rampage through the swamps beating the crap out of the baddies and blowing up stuff whilst looking rugged and sexy to get his bird back. Brilliant late 80s action that's a bit silly. Well, it was never going to be Schindler’s List was it?   

[story by Simon Woodley] 

Oh, and the fact that Hollywood hasn't come up with any original ideas for years. And when they do they want to make the most of it. But sometimes sequels can actually eclipse the original.

It's certainly rare. For every Godfather Part II there is a Speed 2, Ocean's 12 and Another 48 Hours waiting in the wings. For God's sake, this was going to be a a top 10, but we could only think of five.

But anyway, here goes:

5. The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

Irvin Kershner

Geeks all around the world have been battling with this tricky question for years (or is that light years?) Is The Empire Strikes Back better than Star Wars?

Frankly, get a life.

We would say, as a kid, we probably preferred the original. It's got more action in it; it's got less Yoda talking nonsense in it; and, let's face it, you never forget your first love. But as we get older we start to appreciate the second film a lot more.

There's more Darth Vader; it has the bit in the snow; and it has Boba Fett in it (Don't start, Fett was only added to Star Wars later.)

It's a much darker film, and we can remember as a kid being angry when it finished, which is usually a good sign.

Of course, if we'd have known then that it was going to finish with a teddy bears' picnic (bloody Ewoks!) we would probably have been grateful.
 

4. Terminator II: Judgement Day (1991)

James Cameron

More thrills, more spills and more terminators. It's as simple as that.

You have all the best elements of the first one, but with better special effects. No argument as far as we're concerned.

In fact, the only thing bad about Terminator II: Judgement Day is that it led to the turd that is Terminator 3.
 

3. Dawn of the Dead (1978)

George Romero

After annoying all of the sci-fi fans, we may as well try and irritate the horror fans too.
Okay, there is no denying that Night Of The Living Dead is a true horror classic.

However, Dawn of the Dead is far more shocking, it's funnier and you get to see all of the gruesomeness in colour. Bonus.
 

2. Aliens (1986)

James Cameron

This is another one that has been argued over for far too long.

Okay, look Aliens is just better. It's got more action, more stunning death scenes and more, errr, Aliens.

Why go for one face-sucking, stomach-bursting alien (alright, so that's strictly two) when you can have an army of them?

Case closed. No, argument won.

However, we do feel a bit unclean for nominating two James Cameron films.
 

1. The Godfather II (1974)

Francis Ford Coppola

This was a tough one. Huge fans of the original Godfather.

But the fact that you have got two of possible the finest screen actors around for the price of one just swings it for us.

Al Pacino is, as always, brilliant. But Robert De Niro, who isn't always so brilliant (The Fan and Analyse This anyone?), just shades it.

And anyone who wants to argue could find themselves sleeping with the fishes.

You might call them B-movies, hidden gems, cult classics or the just plain odd, but if it involves zombies, blood, guts, slashers, deviants or all of the above then we are in. That’s how we roll, punk!

Today we're looking at nothing but remakes, in particular Dawn Of The Dead and Psycho…

Before he did the fantastic 300, Zack Synder took on a pretty steep challenge by remaking Dawn Of The Dead. It could have gone so horribly wrong, especially as generations of horror fans love the original so much, but there are some really great moments with the super-speedy undead tearing around the mall. The merry band of survivors, too, are really well cast with mostly unknowns; the main star of the gang being Sarah Polley, who has a definite ouch moment when she wipes out and smashes her head against the bath.

If you are a proper geek, the director’s commentary is well worth checking out, as is the soundtrack that features Johnny Cash and Richard Cheese. We watched the movie on the DVD that has been around for ages, although a HD-DVD release is also available.

If Dawn of the Dead ranks among the best remakes ever, which it does, then Gus Van Sant’s remake of Psycho must surely be the worst and probably the most pointless.  

Pretty much a shot-for-shot redoing of Alfred Hitchcock’s original, we really felt like there was no point to it all and the casting of Vince Vaughn as killer tranny nutcase Norman Bates is questionable as you are constantly expecting him to do something Wedding Crasher-ish. Never happens. We would advise horror fans to just watch the original, then Rear Window.

However, there is still the tension of the original Psycho, the voiceovers at the start and the infamous shower scene are still there but, having seen it in black and white so many times before, it was weird in glorious technicolour.  

In other news, the Resident Evil trilogy is just released on Blu-ray, which is very exciting as it is one of the better movies based on a videogame. Well worth checking out.   

[story by Simon Woodley]