This is the second week of us throwing open the floodgates of the internet to you people. Seen something exciting, interesting, plain weird or even just funny enough to draw a snort of laughter from Christopher Biggins? Well, give Dep Ed Michael a shout and he’ll put them in here and allow people to bask in your browsing glory.

10. Oldie-but-a-goodie this week comes from @sianrosanna. It’s Cake Wrecks.

9. Here’s a good old BBC show by Jonathan Meades in which he goes around Scotland’s football towns. The ones that wouldn’t show up on a Sat Nav.

8. @CheShA knows as well as we do that you all want to see Captain Kirk’s masculine fighting style. Why not learn it yourself?

7. Baseball! Everyone’s heard of it, thanks to Kevin Costner’s awareness-raising film ‘Field Of Dreams’ but what’s it actually all about? Who gives a flying spanner? @_Cabble found this video of the World Series logo flying out of an umpire’s arse. BEAT THAT, CRICKET!

6. You lot really adore kittens, don’t you? Is it their inability to grasp grammar or their cute, fuzzy faces? Who cares. @Janikakakaka sent in some kittens on album covers.

5. In what could be a confession, @jacksonliam sent us this story about a man that wants to spill his filthy man-seed in every Starbucks in New York. That’s 298 Starbucks.

4. @MelReeve told us about badly placed stickers. We can’t help but feel some of these may have been deliberate.

3. Life! Death! Top Tips! We can’t remember who sent us this but it’s bloody great.

2. Our favourite Republican nuthouse Herman Cain has gone on Jimmy Kimmel Live to say he hasn’t been touching women up. He didn’t. Republicans don’t believe it. It makes them horny.

1. A review of Immortals by @JM_Underwood. To be fair, he didn’t send this to us because that would be massively narcissistic and we don’t encourage that kind of nonsense here. We can’t ever show you it though. Because the film is so laughably terrible, John’s review was removed from the site under the terms of the embargo. Here at hecklerspray, we’re not bound by that embargo so we’d like to say, not only is Immortals a terrible film but we demand justice for John’s review.

From now on, Webthump will be a collection of the best things that you, yes you, the readers have found on the internet. Exciting stuff!

All you have to do to get your name in lights is tweet the best thing you’ve seen on the internet recently at our scumbag deputy ed Michael (@GreatCollapso). It’s as simple as that.

Let’s get started then, shall we?

10. Ever wondered what Suri Cruise thinks of the world of fashion? Err… well… you can find out here. (Thanks to @sianrosanna)

9. The cast & crew of Doctor Who do I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) by The Proclaimers. We desperately wanted to hate it but… y’know… (Cheers @zoefell)

8. Yes, that’s right folks, it’s another fucking cat video. In this one, a tiny ickle kitten has a nightmare. D’awwwwww. (Sent in by @Tasty_Face)

7. There’s a face… in a TESTICULAR TUMOUR?! (Uncertain thanks to @_Cabble)

6. Sure, Hallowe’en might be long gone but that doesn’t mean we can’t show you Pumpkin Zombies. (A?i?, @abitof)

5. Here’s a proposal for some kittens in an office or something. The internet fucking loves kittens. (via Some Chump)

4. David Thorne of 27b/6 just won’t stop tormenting poor ol’ Simon. It’s just like Ricky Gervais & Karl Pilkington. Only funny. (Sent in by @OrlaDoherty)

3. Are you a nob’ead? You might not be, it’s not really any of our business. Still, watch this video. (Much obliged, @CheShA)

2. Number two will forever be dedicated to Herman Cain until the day he either dies or takes over the world. The mad bastard has warned people to keep an eye on China- they might be developing nuclear weapons. (Danke schoen @thermoso)

1. Without a doubt, the current best thing on the internet is a spoof twitter account for Shippam’s Paste. Mmmmmmm tasty paste. (Tip of the hat to @RebeccaWho)

Over the last few years David Tennant has firmly established himself as the most irritatingly wacky gonk-faced Doctor Who ever.

But all good things have to come to an end at some point, and that’s why David Tennant yesterday confirmed everyone’s worst fears – he’s making four more Doctor Who specials. No, that’s not it. We meant to say that after making his four Doctor Who specials, David Tennant is going to leave Doctor Who.

It was a sad announcement, and it’s left Doctor Who fans profoundly upset. But at the same time, the news has also kickstarted speculation over who’ll become the next Doctor Who. Finding an actor who can encapsulate David Tennant’s bravery, enthusiasm and range of zany facial expressions won’t be too hard, though, and we hear that fictional 1980s cartoon puppy Scrappy Doo is top of everyone’s wishlist.

Doctor Who has been good for David Tennant. Before he landed the role, he was just a lanky Scottish actor who could effortlessly pull a number of faces that made him look as if his balls were being tasered.

But now? Now he’s Doctor Who he has it all – fame, money, a crowd of people constantly mistaking him for Richard Hammond, a distantly incesty girlfriend – but that isn’t enough. Because of Doctor Who, David Tennant has got to play Hamlet with the Royal Shakespeare Company, albeit a wacky Hamlet who we assume interrupts his famous ‘To be or not to be’ speech 14 times to pull a face like Kenneth Williams being bummed by a goat.

And once you’ve played Hamlet, you can hardly be expected to chase some alien wheelie bins around Cardiff with Catherine Tate again, can you? And that’s why David Tennant has decided to leave Doctor Who at the end of next year. Reuters reports:

“I’ve had the most brilliant, bewildering and life changing time working on Doctor Who,” said Tennant, who described the part as the “best job in the world.” “I have loved every day of it. It would be very easy to cling on to the Tardis console forever and I fear that if I don’t take a deep breath and make the decision to move on now, then I simply never will. You would be prising the Tardis key out of my cold dead hand.”

So what happens now is anybody’s guess. A new Doctor Who will have to be picked for a start, which means that James Nesbitt should probably start talking to boxy robot dogs as training. But before the new Doctor Who is introduced, David Tennant still has to make four specials to be broadcast over next year. Will they remain standalone and episodic, or will they be take the form of one long, doom-laden story that builds up to Tennant’s death? That remains to be seen.

One thing’s for certain, though – if he’s leaving Doctor Who, David Tennant has probably scuppered plans for that Doctor Who movie. We’d be sad, but anything that keeps Catherine Zeta Jones unemployed is probably for the best in the long run.

Let’s play a game of News Gets Worse. We’ll start – David Tennant is keen to make a Doctor Who movie in the next few years.

That’s not terrible news – David Tennant will get to be in a film, it’ll increase the international visibility of Doctor Who and it’d be a lovely gift for all the British fans who’ve stuck by Doctor Who through thick and thin. But now let’s play News Gets Worse: outgoing Doctor Who showrunner Russell T Davies wants Catherine Zeta Jones to play the Doctor’s assistant in the movie.

Actually, Catherine Zeta Jones in a Doctor Who movie isn’t as bad as it sounds. After all, she already has great chemistry with 900-year-old men… because she’s married to Michael Douglas! And she’d never be frightened of evil creepy wrinkly aliens like Davros… because she’s married to Michael Douglas! Honestly, we’ve got a million of these.

Doctor Who has been the making of David Tennant. Without Doctor Who to boost his publicity he’d have never played Hamlet, appeared on that Derrin Brown show or got to shag his own daughter. Honestly, David Tennant has a lot to thank Doctor Who for.

However, despite all this David Tennant is bored with Saturday teatime television. He wants to be a moviestar. He wants to be approached by lust-crazed supermodels, not acne-covered teenage boys asking him questions about the atmospheric conditions of Gallifrey. Trouble is, the BBC knows that if David Tennant leaves Doctor Who they’ll have to replace him with the bloke from the Yellow Pages adverts and it’ll be crap.

That’s why an uneasy compromise has been reached. According to reports, David Tennant will remain on Doctor Who for a fifth series so long as he gets to star in a Doctor Who movie.

Great. A Doctor Who movie. Just like rubbish Canadian one starring a McGann from 1996. Or, worse still, that confusing Titanicy thing with Kylie from Christmas. On paper, the Doctor Who movie isn’t going to be anything other than awful.

Or is it? Russell T Davies, the man credited with reviving Doctor Who, has come up with an ingenious idea to give the Doctor Who movie a drop of old-school glamour. He wants a big Hollywood star to play Doctor Who’s assistant. Perhaps the biggest Hollywood star, in fact – Catherine Zeta Jones.

Yes, Catherine Zeta Jones. From the 2007 chef-based romantic comedy No Reservations. She’s still famous, right? Digital Spy reports:

Davies, who was born in Swansea, said he would like the Welsh actress to star in a big screen adaptation of the cult BBC show. He said: “Being from Wales myself, I would love to have Catherine Zeta-Jones as a companion for The Doctor.”

OK, enough is enough. Unless casting Catherine Zeta Jones as The Doctor’s assistant is part of an ingenious ploy to make Catherine Tate look good in comparison, it’s never going to work. What’s she going to do, bring all the fizz to the role that she did in Blue Juice? Of course not. Let’s just do the decent thing and kick the idea of a Doctor Who movie in the head now before anyone gets too excited, OK?

Plus, if a Doctor Who movie gets made, it’s a grim inevitability that it’ll be followed up by a Torchwood movie. And, really, the cinema is the one place we go to shelter from the ridiculous ubiquity of John Barrowman. Please don’t take that away from us.

Fact: all women want to sleep with David Tennant, even though it’s quite likely that he keeps pulling his tedious ‘look how zany I am’ faces during intercourse.

And by ‘all women’ we literally mean ‘all women’. All women want to rub offal with David Tennant, even ones he’s related to. Even his own daughter. Even David Tennant’s own daughter wants to have it off with David Tennant.

What? Oh, OK, not David Tennant’s actual daughter, but the girl who plays David Tennant’s daughter on Doctor Who. Apparently Tennant and his 23-year-old Doctor Who co-star Georgia Moffett are secretly doing it. And without the whole incest angle to go on that’s pretty dull. She’s young enough to be his daughter, does that count?

We’re not gigantic fans of Doctor Who round these parts, but it seems clear to us that the show is hell-bent on self-destruction at the moment. Remaking Titanic with Kate Winslet‘s part played by a facially-paralysed midget was bad.

Casting Catherine Tate – the only human who pulls more self-consciously wacky faces than David Tennant himself – so that if you now watch an episode of Doctor Who on mute it looks like a serious drama about two people silently trying to use their tongues to dislodge wads of pork from between their teeth was worse.

But now Doctor Who has a daughter. A long-lost daughter. A long-lost daughter who’s never been referred to in 45 years and who does high-kicks and backflips and has a perky go get ‘em attitude to life. Basically, at some point in the past, Doctor Who fathered Scrappy Doo. Think of a worse idea. You can’t, can you?

But while Doctor Who’s daughter seems like a cynically focused-grouped way of scoring yet another Doctor Who spin-off – like Torchwood and K-9 and The Sarah Jane Adventures and The Remarkable Escapades Of That Extra Who Stood Near A Bus Stop For Two Seconds Once In 2006 – at least it’s made David Tennant happy.

That’s because David Tennant and Georgia Moffett, the 23-year-old actress who plays his on-screen daughter Jenny, are totally doing it. Hello reports:

Love has blossomed on the set of the latest series of Doctor Who between the star of the show, David Tennant, and 23-year-old actress Georgia Moffett. A friend of the actress has confirmed that Georgia, who has a six-year-old son, has been out on a series of dates with David, and that the pair have been meeting at each other’s homes in order to avoid being spotted by fans of the show.  “It started with some friendly dinner dates but it has progressed quickly and they are now in a serious relationship,” the friend revealed.

Awww, how sweet is that? We’ve always maintained that nothing is more romantic than when a man falls in love with a girl who’s 14 years younger than him and plays his own daughter on a family TV show. It’s just adorable.

Of course, this relationship between David Tennant and Georgia Moffett might affect the future episode that she was scheduled to appear in, because the sexual chemistry between the two of them might bubble up and put the country off its chips. Especially if David Tennant has his way and makes it so that the final scene of the episode shows the Doctor regenerating.

All over his daughter’s tits.

Sorry.