Directing a Twilight film is a big job. Are you faithful to the book? Can you make Robert Pattinson look vaguely human?

Do you hate Twilight with such a passion that the thought of it alone makes you want to sick up some blood into a nun’s eye? If you’ve answered yes to all of these questions then you’re perfectly suited to be a Twilight director. Just look at Twilight 3 director David Slade – before he was hired he wrote on Twitter that he wouldn’t watch Twilight drunk, on acid or at gunpoint.

Which, we think, means that we’re directing Twilight 4.

In a way, Twilight and Twitter are virtually identical. For starters they both share the same first syllable. Secondly, they’re both wild phenomenons that aren’t really as good as everyone says they are. Secondly, fans of both can only speak in short sentences – in the case of Twitter this is because there’s an unbreakable 140-character limit to each entry, and in the case of Twilight it’s because everyone who likes it has clinically got the mental age of a bloody toddler.

But we’re digressing. If you write about Twilight on Twitter then chances are your average Twitter entry is either something like this: ‘OMG ROBERT PATTINSON’S HAIR LOOKS LIKE ANGEL’S BREATH!! I’M INVOLUNTARILY URINATING **SO HARD** RIGHT NOW!’ or something like this: ‘Twilight drunk? No, not even drunk. Twilight on acid? No, not even on acid. Twilight at gunpoint? Just shoot me.’

If you wrote the last one, then that’s kind of regrettable, because it means that you’re David Slade and you wrote it before you realised that you’d be directing Twilight 3 later this year. MTV explains:

Slade’s Twitter page, which has now been deleted, once contained some biting remarks about Twilight. And back in November, when Slade was on the WJFK’s BDK Movie Show, he discussed the Twitter post. “So, yesterday we were trying to find a movie to see, and we’d seen all the good ones. And … having directed a vampire film and really gone for something completely different to the kind of romantic, you know, repressed-hormone teen-vampire movie, we really weren’t interested in seeing Twilight.”

This all leaves David Slade in quite the sticky situation – now that everyone knows how he feels about Twilight, he can expect a heavy backlash at any moment. Especially with the hardcore Twilight fans – remember the fuss they made when Taylor Lautner was almost fired? This’ll be exactly the same, so brace yourselves for a million online petitions to replace David Slade with someone more sympathetic to the needs of Twilight‘s female teenage audience, like one of the Jonas Brothers or a Bratz doll or something.

Still, at least David Slade has had the decency to admit that he doesn’t like Twilight – a sentiment that we suspect he shares with the bulk of the Twilight crew, at least 50% of the principle Twilight cast and most of the people who watch Twilight once they’ve grown up a bit and learnt the difference between good and bad.

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