David Copperfield - HecklerSpray

David Copperfield has Rich White People Problems

March 22nd, 2015 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

It’s days like this that make me thankful I don’t live in a swanky, Manhattan apartment, because you never know what kind of asshole is going to live in your building and have a giant indoor pool which might eventually burst and flood the whole damn building. The asshole in this particular scenario is David Copperfield, whose swanky ass pool recently burst (how does that happen?!) and flooded his whole NYC apartment building, leaving a bunch of rich folk with some damp shit.

When I first heard this story, I was like “David Copperfield must be a pretty shitty psychic if he didn’t see this coming”, then I remembered he was a magician, not a psychic. Miss Cleo could never afford an 8,000 square foot Manhattan apartment with a full size indoor pool. Miss Cleo would be lucky to afford a $10 blow up pool from Walmart to throw in a backyard in Queens.

David Copperfield ‘Extorted’ By Non-Magical Rape Claims

August 21st, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

There is a woman who claims she was raped by David Copperfield.

And although this is a very serious allegation, we heard she’s not 100% sure as he did so with an invisible penis. Obviously the magician is claiming the whole of this absurd as he probably has a wand that can magically make the necessary female anatomical parts appear on anything at any time. Like trees, for instance.

He also claims the would-be victim is up to a trick of her own – an extortion trick.

David Copperfield Knackers His Stagehand Up Something Proper

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

The sacrifices that David Copperfield has made for magic are huge – it’s meant that nobody can really trust him or his stupid haircut.

But, as great as those sacrifices are, they’re nothing compared to the sacrifice made by David Copperfield’s stagehand on Wednesday – he got sucked into a giant fan, broke his arm in three places and badly mangled his face up.

Still, at least David Copperfield was decent enough to visit the stagehand in hospital with a gift – a children’s magic set. Ah, all the fun of magic but with none of the screaming fear of death. What a gent!

David Copperfield Knows How To Pick Up Chicks In A Non-Magical Way

March 31st, 2009 By C J Davies

Nothing is sexier than magic.

Seriously. Why, only the other night hecklerspray was out having dinner with a lovely young lady. Things weren't going too well, but – boy oh boy – when we came back from the toilets dressed as Wizbit and clutching a Paul Daniels Magic Box Set, the sparks really began to fly.

You'd think, then, that illusionist-type David Copperfield would have no shortage of opportunities to extend his magic wand. We just bet he pulls off all sorts of tricks – like the famous Flutter Cards In Her Face So She Can't See How Much You Look Like A Used Car Salesman or his trademark Pull A Rabbit Out Of A Hat And Maybe She'll Forget You're Accused Of Rape. You'd think that, wouldn't you? Yes? Wouldn't you?

Well – you'd think wrong. Just like that time you put a bet on Kerry Katona to win Slimmer Of The Year.

It's claimed that Copperfield has some altogether more interesting methods, you see…

David Copperfield’s Big Grand Jury Investigation

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

We think we've finally worked out how David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear in 1983 – there's a chance he did it via a tricky combination of raping it, beating it up and then paying it $2 million to go away.

That's just a theory, mind you, and we're far too lazy to look on Wikipedia and see that he just did it with clever camera angles or something. We wouldn't want to get, say, a grand jury to investigate it. But when a real-life woman who isn't made of copper or 151 feet tall says that David Copperfield raped her, beat her and tried to pay her $2 million to shut up, grand juries are all over it. Following more revelations about David Copperfield's supposed July rape of an unidentified woman in the Bahamas, a federal grand jury in Seattle has launched an investigation into the claims. So by the time it's over we'll all be able to know if David Copperfield is a creepy rapist or just a good old-fashioned creepy magician, of which there are many.