They may be able to talk the talk – but can they really walk the walk?
Hollywood movies are littered with so-called tough guys. But take away their stunt doubles, green screens and fake guns and what do you have left? Nic Cage? He’s just a lanky streak of piss. Mel Gibson? Give me a break. Mark Wahlberg? Don’t make us laugh. Tom Cruise? Now you really are taking the piss.
Well, hecklerspray has come up with a list of Hollywood actors we think really could mix it with the best of them. These are Hollywood hardmen who really did live up to the name.
Enjoy! And if you have a problem with our choices, we’ll be waiting outside…
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The world of entertainment has lost another of its true greats, adding yet another name to the list of death in the last few months.
Following the hysterical splurge of affection for a man who just the day before was being mocked around the clock on Michael Jackson‘s death, through the shameful ignorance shown by the general populace on Steven Wells‘ death and after the rather embarrassing position David Carradine seemed to get himself into – before dying in said position – we have been left shocked by yet another loss.
Ozzy Osbourne‘s dog has been eaten by a coyote.
It’ll be alright – wipe away the tears.
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If Michael Jackson meets David Carradine in heaven – as unlikely as that’d be – he should expect a great big hug.
Why? Because thanks to Michael Jackson’s death, the world has forgotten about David Carradine and how he died in a Bangkok hotel cupboard wearing a lady’s wig, a set of fishnet stockings and a shoelace that was somehow tied and his neck and penis at the same time. So that’s good.
But David Carradine is back in the news again – a private pathologist has stated that he probably died of asphyxia. Funny, we had money on the cause being embarrassment.
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Masturbation, quite clearly. But that hasn’t stopped his family from putting forward the theory that he was killed. By a Kung Fu gang.
Think of the most embarrassing moment of your life. Think of it, relive it, be there right now.
Bad, huh? Now fast forward a bit and imagine your 72-year old body being found in a Bangkok hotel room closet, naked but for a shoelace tied around your shrivelled old winky.
Puts that bachelor’s party into perspective, doesn’t it?
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David Carradine died exactly how he lived. That’s presuming, of course, that he lived naked in a cupboard with a shoelace tied around his willy.
Anyway, due to the circumstances of David Carradine’s death, dignity isn’t exactly in ready supply right now. It’s difficult to reflect sensibly on Carradine’s extensive body of work while knowing that he probably died during a bizarre wanking accident. Still, though, basic decency tells us that we should respect the dead however they died.
Alternatively, if you’re a Thai newspaper, you can just print pictures of David Carradine’s naked corpse. It’s sort of the same.
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There was no doubting David Carradine’s pedigree. He was an iconic actor. He had an iconic personality. People loved him.
So, following his death yesterday, which of these things will David Carradine most likely be remembered for? Sadly, it looks like it won’t be any of them. Not the way he almost single-handedly brought kung-fu to a western audience. Not his electrifying presence on stage and screen. Not his phenomenal charisma.
No, it looks as if David Carradine will be remembered for the being the old man who tied a shoelace around his willy and wanked himself to death. Bummer.
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Sad news – David Carradine, star of Kung Fu and Kill Bill, has been dead in a Thai hotel room. He was 73.
Details are still emerging about the death, initial reports are mixed – the official word at this time is that Carradine died of natural causes, although it’s also being suggested that he may have taken his own life. He was in Bangkok filming his latest movie Stretch.
According to David Carradine’s personal manager Chuck Binder has been first to pay tribute to the actor, calling the news “shocking”, while noting “He was full of life, always wanting to work… a great person.”
