Articles tagged with: david banda
Madonna’s Son Doesn’t Recognise Madonna’s Son’s Dad
The best thing about Madonna going to Malawi this week is Malwai getting to see what a leotarded vagina looks like. No, wait, that's disgusting. What we meant to say was that the best thing about Madonna going to Malawi this week is that her adopted son David Banda can meet his biological father Yohane for the first time since Madonna took him out of the country. Because, really, what's the worst thing that can happen? David Banda not recognising Yohane and asking him who he is and why he's so poor through an interpreter? Oh, that actually happened? Awkward.
The best thing about Madonna going to Malawi this week is Malwai getting to see what a leotarded vagina looks like. No, wait, that's disgusting. What we meant to say was that the best thing about Madonna going to Malawi this week is that her adopted son David Banda can meet his biological father Yohane for the first time since Madonna took him out of the country. Because, really, what's the worst thing that can happen? David Banda not recognising Yohane and asking him who he is and why he's so poor through an interpreter? Oh, that actually happened? Awkward.
Madonna Hunts Another Orphan, For A Son Or Boyfriend
We've always maintained that African orphans are like Pringles, in that you can fit several of them in a tube. No, wait, that's wrong. We meant to say that once you pop, you can't stop. Just look at Madonna - she's already popped one African orphan. Adopted. We meant adopted. Just to clear that up, Madonna has in no way ever exploded a parentless African child. Those are just nasty, unfounded rumours. Let's start again. Having already adopted one orphan from Malawi, Madonna is said to want to adopt another one. There, that wasn't so hard, was it? Honestly, sometimes...
We've always maintained that African orphans are like Pringles, in that you can fit several of them in a tube. No, wait, that's wrong. We meant to say that once you pop, you can't stop. Just look at Madonna - she's already popped one African orphan. Adopted. We meant adopted. Just to clear that up, Madonna has in no way ever exploded a parentless African child. Those are just nasty, unfounded rumours. Let's start again. Having already adopted one orphan from Malawi, Madonna is said to want to adopt another one. There, that wasn't so hard, was it? Honestly, sometimes...
Madonna Gets To Keep Her Adopted Malawian Boy-Slave
Break out the overpriced Kabbalah water and whatever the hell it is that makes Madonna's arm all veiny and crap - Madonna's won her adoption case! It's been close to two years in the making, but today a Malawi court finally made Madonna's adoption of her three-year-old Malawian son David Banda official. At last - now the courts are off her back, Madonna can finally force little David to work backbreaking chore-filled 21-hour days around the house without worrying that he'll get taken away. We're just kidding. It's disgusting to assume that Madonna only adopted a poor Malawian boy to use as a dirt-cheap houseboy. She did it because now she can go out and carry him around and everyone will look at him instead of noticing how weirdly immobile her face looks these days.
Break out the overpriced Kabbalah water and whatever the hell it is that makes Madonna's arm all veiny and crap - Madonna's won her adoption case! It's been close to two years in the making, but today a Malawi court finally made Madonna's adoption of her three-year-old Malawian son David Banda official. At last - now the courts are off her back, Madonna can finally force little David to work backbreaking chore-filled 21-hour days around the house without worrying that he'll get taken away. We're just kidding. It's disgusting to assume that Madonna only adopted a poor Malawian boy to use as a dirt-cheap houseboy. She did it because now she can go out and carry him around and everyone will look at him instead of noticing how weirdly immobile her face looks these days.
Madonna’s Big Custody Showdown Shelved Yet Again
Madonna's a busy lady, what with her old lady crotch about to go on a world tour and all. And that means that nobody's allowed to mess Madonna around. Nobody, that is, except the Malawi High Courts. Today was the day when Madonna was supposed to discover whether or not she'd gained permanent custody of David Banda, her adopted Malawian son. But it didn't happen - the court has delayed its final ruling until next week. That's not ideal for Madonna, but it's even worse for David Banda, who outgrew his tiny soiled lightless holding pen that Madonna keeps him in about 15 months ago and just wants to eat something other than hay.
Madonna's a busy lady, what with her old lady crotch about to go on a world tour and all. And that means that nobody's allowed to mess Madonna around. Nobody, that is, except the Malawi High Courts. Today was the day when Madonna was supposed to discover whether or not she'd gained permanent custody of David Banda, her adopted Malawian son. But it didn't happen - the court has delayed its final ruling until next week. That's not ideal for Madonna, but it's even worse for David Banda, who outgrew his tiny soiled lightless holding pen that Madonna keeps him in about 15 months ago and just wants to eat something other than hay.
