David - HecklerSpray

Big Brother Final! Who’s Going To Win? Dogface? Oh, Right

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Tonight’s the big night! After approximately most of our entire life, this series of Big Brother will end tonight.

We jest – in all seriousness Big Brother has actually had one of the best years on record. But nobody cares, because hardly anyone watched it and it’s dying soon anyway so what’s the point? Huh? What’s the bloody point point of anything any more?

Anyway, which of the remaining Big Brother housemates will end up winning the prize money, releasing a fitness DVD and embarking on a disastrous pop career? Time to have one final look, we suppose…

Big Brother: Bea Or Marcus Or David Out Tomorrow Or Something

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

There’s another Big Brother eviction tomorrow! We haven’t been counting, but we’re fairly sure this might be the thousandth one of the year.

But who cares, because tomorrow either Bea or Marcus or David will be evicted from the Big Brother house. And really it could be any of… oh, who are we kidding? It’ll be Bea, won’t it? By a mile. Bea’s going to be evicted from the Big Brother house by a mile. She definitely will. Definitely.

But, hey, let’s play dumb and look at the chances of all three of them for the sake of tradition…

Big Brother: Well Look At That, Freddie’s Been Evicted

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

On Friday’s Big Brother, the impossible happened – the previously invincible Freddie was evicted.

Why? We have two theories. The first is that Marcus is a stronger competitor and the public identifies with him more readily. The second is that everyone saw Freddie scream and wail and convulse last week because Bea moved 10 feet away from him and realised that he was a monumental tosspiece.

Anyway, here are the Big Brother competitors who’ve caught our eye this week – Bea, Lisa and David…

Big Brother: Noirin’s Out, And She’s Taken Her Idiot Boyfriend With Her

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Yeah, well done Big Brother – this gimmick of bringing in the housemates’ partners is working a treat, isn’t it?

Remember when Karly‘s boyfriend was brought in, then Karly was evicted, then her boyfriend did a runner immediately afterwards? Well guess what – Noirin‘s boyfriend was brought into the Big Brother house last week, then Norin was evicted, then her boyfriend did a runner immediately afterwards. We don’t know what to say – other than that the Big Brother producers should probably get Lisa‘s girlfriend in pronto.

But now Noirin’s gone, here are the Big Brother housemates who’ve caught our eye this week…

Big Brother: Dear God, There’s More Of Them

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Friday’s Big Brother was a rollercoaster – specifically a new type of rollercoaster that goes on forever and is comprised of all lows and no highs.

If you missed it, here’s what happened – first, five new housemates were brought in to liven things up, including Karly‘s boyfriend. And then Karly was evicted about 30 seconds later. And then the new housemates were told they had to try and get two other housemates nominated or else they’d all be up for eviction. Or something. By that point Big Brother had been for for about seven hours and we were losing the will to live, frankly.

Anyway, let’s meet the new Big Brother housemates…

A Posh and Becks Musical Coming to a Theatre Probably Nowhere Near You!

March 24th, 2009 By hecklerspray staff

The world just can’t seem to get enough of David and Victoria Beckham.

With riveting daily appearances of the couple leaving some restaurant, and David modeling undies on banners that are so huge you can actually see his junk from space, it’s no wonder the world in obsessed with the Becks.

Luckily, Ireland has come to provide us with more Beckham madness. A Posh and Becks musical is coming to Dublin. Yes, two straight hours of a man unsuccessfully trying to feed a crouton to a broomstick is finally a reality!

Jennifer Lopez Has Two Big-Arsed Babies On The Way

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

As Jennifer Lopez is so fond of reminding us, she used to have a little now she got a lot – but it seems that she was discussing the contents of her over-stuffed womb all along.

That's because Jennifer Lopez isn't just pregnant, but pregnant with twins. David Lopez broke the news of Jennifer Lopez's impending twins during an interview on a Spanish-language TV show.

Although let's not forget that the Spanish word for 'twins' and the Spanish word for 'underwhelming singing voice' are very similar, so there's a good chance that David Lopez was merely providing a randomly-timed, somewhat harsh critique of Jennifer Lopez's performance style for the Spanish-speaking community.