And if Bono rang you up and said he wanted you to be artistic advisor for one of his gigs promoting this ‘One World One Dream’ ideal and he’d pay you a lot of money for it, so much so that the shame of working with U2 was totally rescinded, you’d no doubt quickly jump on board and put on one hell of a 3D laser-fest.

But what if it turned out that Bono, on his days off, in acquiescence to his idyllic showmanship, was financially supporting genocide in Darfur? And what if it turned out that, in the past, in an effort to reach this ‘One World One Dream’ ideal, he had ritualistically executed somewhere between 40 and 90 million of his own fans who didn’t quite ‘get it’? And what if he had scared the Dalai Lama away from his peaceful Tibetan home and into a friendship with Richard Gere? Would you still be happy to dazzle the world with your laser-show?

Of course, that’s all hypothetical; Bono doesn’t have any of those atrocities on his head; he has a whole host of his own to worry about. But the Chinese Government has apparently been funding the Darfur genocide and Steven Spielberg is the man it has hired to advise the artistic development of the 2008 Beijing Olympics, much to the annoyance of UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador and human rights activist/actress Mia Farrow.

 According to Mia Farrow:

"It has been nearly a year since Mr. Spielberg contacted President Hu about Beijing's role in the Darfur genocide. Given the deteriorating situation on the ground, we hope that Mr. Spielberg will waste no more time – and officially distance himself from the Games."

However, Andy Spahn, a representative for Mr. Spielberg, insists the director is doing all he can to help stop the atrocities in Darfur – even spearheading the campaign led by George Clooney and Don Cheadle to bring the world's attention to the crisis. Spahn told the New York Post:

"Steven left the set of his Indiana Jones movie to fly to New York to meet with the Chinese delegation. He is totally committed to stopping the genocide in Darfur."

In September 2004 US Secretary of State Colin Powell acknowledged the situation in Darfur to be ‘genocide’, before he and his government proceeded to do little to nothing about it. UN Coordinator Mukesh Kapila has said that it is "the world's worst humanitarian crisis," and he and the UN have gone on to write a number of very aggressive letters. So, amidst all this, how dare Spielberg work hand-in-hand with China. He hasn’t faced such uproar since he was asked to defend the plot of War Of The Worlds – and he had a bloody futile case then.

One way of looking at it is that there are very few countries in the world that don’t have a history with similar depravity – apart from maybe Finland. The US, after all, has had its fair share of embarrassing moments, with the Native Americans, the slave trade, Vietnam, Iraq and Justin Timberlake to name but a few.

Even in dear old England we’ve done some shit in Ireland that’ll never make it into our secondary school history syllabus. So would it not – in Mia's eyes – be a similarly offensive act to work in conjunction with the games if they were held in LA or London? Perhaps Spielberg is just taking in the bigger picture and is working with China to improve relationships and move into a better future for us all?

What do you think: A supporter of genocide, or merely a man of progression? Leave your comments below.

To find out more on the crisis in Darfur, visit www.miafarrow.org.

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SPIELBERG + FARROW ROW OVER DARFUR – Contactmusic

George Clooney has just been named as the UN's latest 'messenger of peace', where he's pledged in particular to use his fame to highlight the humanitarian snafu in Darfur. But why George Clooney?

It's obvious – George Clooney will be a good UN messenger of peace because he was once in a film called The Peacemaker, something that stands him in good stead to also become a UN messenger for slick Las Vegas heists and a UN messenger for rubber-nippled superheroes.

Although he's such a consummate moviestar that he'll even fall off a motorbike to draw attention to his films – and such a consummate salesman that the only products he hasn't appeared in adverts for are sanitary towels, weaponised nerve gas and Cillit BANG! – George Clooney is also a bloody brilliant humanitarian.

You see, it's not just enough for George Clooney to make a high-minded, barely-watched political thriller and just assume that it'll change the world. George Clooney also like to roll up his sleeves and and get his hands dirty, too. In the past George Clooney has spoken out about the war in Iraq, spoken out about corrupt lobbyists in the form of awful masturbation jokes, and spoken out about the atrocities committed when people try to take pictures of him too often. 

But mainly there's Darfur. George Clooney has been a long-time opponent of the widespread humanitarian crisis in Darfur, writing letters to politicians, making films and becoming involved with charitable organisations to try and force a change in the region.

And now George Clooney has been enrolled as a UN messenger of peace, so you can pretty much guarantee that that's all he'll ever talk about from now on. Reuters reports:

Academy Award winning U.S. actor George Clooney became a U.N. messenger of peace on Thursday, pledging to use his fame to "shine a light" on peacekeeping efforts, particularly in Sudan's Darfur… Clooney delivered the message to a news conference. "Millions are homeless, not from famine or disease or acts of God, but from a well armed militia intent on ridding the land of its people… It seems as if at times celebrity can bring that focus. It can't make the policies, it can't change people's minds really, but you can bring a camera where you go because they'll follow you and you can shine a light on it. That seems to be my job." 

Plus you get the best seats in restaurants and people send you free clothes and women want to have sex with you if you're a celebrity. But mainly the Darfur thing.

Of course, George Clooney isn't the first famous face to become a UN envoy. Geri Halliwell has also been there – you'll remember that she single-handedly stopped the spread of HIV in Africa by hosting screenings of her It's Raining Men video to put people off ever having sex again – and also Angelina Jolie is heavily involved in the UN.

In fact, wait. UN involvement? Weird closeness to Brad Pitt? Why, it's been so obvious – George Clooney wants to be Angelina Jolie. What next? Will George Clooney black his face up for his next role? Will he start adopting babies like he's on a trolley-dash? Will he make Jennifer Aniston cry?

Fingers crossed for all three. 

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George Clooney aims to shine celebrity light on UN – Reuters