Articles tagged with: Danny Gokey
American Idol Socks It To Gokey
So now we know who the American Idol finalists are. And now we know that one of them isn't Danny Gokey. Thank heavens. Despite being a leading contender to win American Idol from the get-go, thanks to his unique combination of tragic backstory, inability to scream properly and having a face like a remedial-level semi-melted walnut, last night saw poor old Danny Gokey ejected forever. Gokey's goodbye sets up a thrilling American Idol final between Adam Lambert and Kris Allen that, if we know American Idol, will be 16 hours long and drive everyone to the brink of tedium-induced suicide. Joy.
So now we know who the American Idol finalists are. And now we know that one of them isn't Danny Gokey. Thank heavens. Despite being a leading contender to win American Idol from the get-go, thanks to his unique combination of tragic backstory, inability to scream properly and having a face like a remedial-level semi-melted walnut, last night saw poor old Danny Gokey ejected forever. Gokey's goodbye sets up a thrilling American Idol final between Adam Lambert and Kris Allen that, if we know American Idol, will be 16 hours long and drive everyone to the brink of tedium-induced suicide. Joy.
American Idol: Simon Cowell Is A Stroppy Little Madam
God, is American Idol still going? Yeesh. We want it to end now. And it's not just us - Simon Cowell does too. Or we assume he does, based on his pissy demeanour throughout last night's American Idol. Last night, faced with the nightmarish proposition of Kris Allen singing One Republic, Adam Lambert singing U2 and - God help us all - Danny Gokey singing scat, Simon Cowell decided that the best way to get through American Idol was by being an arsehole. We're not making that up. Danny Gokey sang scat. Frankly we're surprised Simon Cowell didn't punch anyone in the face.
God, is American Idol still going? Yeesh. We want it to end now. And it's not just us - Simon Cowell does too. Or we assume he does, based on his pissy demeanour throughout last night's American Idol. Last night, faced with the nightmarish proposition of Kris Allen singing One Republic, Adam Lambert singing U2 and - God help us all - Danny Gokey singing scat, Simon Cowell decided that the best way to get through American Idol was by being an arsehole. We're not making that up. Danny Gokey sang scat. Frankly we're surprised Simon Cowell didn't punch anyone in the face.
American Idol: See You Later, Iraheta
We have some breaking news. Apparently America likes speccy idiots who scream like bellends and are rubbish. It must do. Because on last night's American Idol Danny Gokey - the man with a face like a remedial-level bespectacled foot who had performed Aerosmith's Dream On in the style of a traumatised burns victim - wasn't eliminated. Instead, Allison Iraheta was told to pack her bags and instantly leave the public consciousness. Allison Iraheta did OK on American Idol, and she's young - she's got the rest of her life to consistently fail to reach the same heights before dying embittered and resigned.
We have some breaking news. Apparently America likes speccy idiots who scream like bellends and are rubbish. It must do. Because on last night's American Idol Danny Gokey - the man with a face like a remedial-level bespectacled foot who had performed Aerosmith's Dream On in the style of a traumatised burns victim - wasn't eliminated. Instead, Allison Iraheta was told to pack her bags and instantly leave the public consciousness. Allison Iraheta did OK on American Idol, and she's young - she's got the rest of her life to consistently fail to reach the same heights before dying embittered and resigned.
American Idol: Rock Night Or Suck Night Or Whatever
When you think rock, chances are you think Slash. And then when you think Slash, you think silly silly hat. Anyway, last night was American Idol's Rock Night, and Slash was drafted in to be the guest mentor. Did he do his job? In the sense that he made one of the contestants sound like a wounded dinosaur being forced to participate in a violent bout of prison sex, then yes. Slash did his job extraordinarily well. So which of the American Idol contestants will be eliminated tomorrow? The American Idol judges didn't force their opinions on anyone. At all. Ahem.
When you think rock, chances are you think Slash. And then when you think Slash, you think silly silly hat. Anyway, last night was American Idol's Rock Night, and Slash was drafted in to be the guest mentor. Did he do his job? In the sense that he made one of the contestants sound like a wounded dinosaur being forced to participate in a violent bout of prison sex, then yes. Slash did his job extraordinarily well. So which of the American Idol contestants will be eliminated tomorrow? The American Idol judges didn't force their opinions on anyone. At all. Ahem.
American Idol Goes Disco, Because It Hates You
Ah, American Idol Disco Night - a tradition right up there with visiting elderly relatives and hereditary bowel disease. Honestly, why? Whose idea is it to keep bringing Disco Night back to American Idol? If it isn't someone who has a financial interest in those cross-channel ferries than run a nightclub service to Calais every month with music by a middle-aged local radio DJ then we'll be surprised. American Idol Disco Night is terrible. So what happened on last night's American Idol? Some people with funny haircuts sang some uninteresting disco songs in a mediocre way. Don't you watch American Idol?
Ah, American Idol Disco Night - a tradition right up there with visiting elderly relatives and hereditary bowel disease. Honestly, why? Whose idea is it to keep bringing Disco Night back to American Idol? If it isn't someone who has a financial interest in those cross-channel ferries than run a nightclub service to Calais every month with music by a middle-aged local radio DJ then we'll be surprised. American Idol Disco Night is terrible. So what happened on last night's American Idol? Some people with funny haircuts sang some uninteresting disco songs in a mediocre way. Don't you watch American Idol?
American Idol Double Elimination: Monobrow & The Dullard Out
First the good news - after months of endless faffing, American Idol has finally started eliminating finalists. Now for the bad news. Jorge Nuñez was eliminated from American Idol last night. Jasmine Murray also got the boot, but it's the loss of Jorge Nuñez that stung the most. Not because he's a good singer, you understand. but because all the cheap-shot monobrow jokes we thought up about him will have to go to waste. Still, Danny Gokey and Scott MacIntyre are still there, so at least we can still use our cheap-shot blindness and dead wife jokes. Hooray for American Idol!
First the good news - after months of endless faffing, American Idol has finally started eliminating finalists. Now for the bad news. Jorge Nuñez was eliminated from American Idol last night. Jasmine Murray also got the boot, but it's the loss of Jorge Nuñez that stung the most. Not because he's a good singer, you understand. but because all the cheap-shot monobrow jokes we thought up about him will have to go to waste. Still, Danny Gokey and Scott MacIntyre are still there, so at least we can still use our cheap-shot blindness and dead wife jokes. Hooray for American Idol!
Look! Here’s Your American Idol Top 13 Hate-Targets!
Tonight, the top 13 American Idol contestants take part in the first of this year's soul-destroying live finals. So, you know, hooray for that. The American Idol finalists are gently being eased into the competition, because tonight is Michael Jackson night and therefore all they need to do to impress the judges is squeak a lot and, if possible, turn into either a giant plasticine rabbit or quite a nice car. However, there's just one thing wrong here - we don't actually know who any of the top 13 American Idol contestants actually are. So we suppose we should bloody find out, then...
Tonight, the top 13 American Idol contestants take part in the first of this year's soul-destroying live finals. So, you know, hooray for that. The American Idol finalists are gently being eased into the competition, because tonight is Michael Jackson night and therefore all they need to do to impress the judges is squeak a lot and, if possible, turn into either a giant plasticine rabbit or quite a nice car. However, there's just one thing wrong here - we don't actually know who any of the top 13 American Idol contestants actually are. So we suppose we should bloody find out, then...
American Idol: Randy Jackson Wants A Boy To Win Or Something
American Idol is really hotting up at the moment, what with all that singing and crying and blah blah blah. But the big question is, who's going to win? It'd be sensible to ask the American Idol judges. But who? Not Simon because his teeth might burn a hole into your retinas. Not Paula because you'd want a legible answer and not the new judge because she looks so much like the photographer from Just Shoot Me that it honestly freaks us out. So that leaves Randy Jackson. And he says a boy will win American Idol. So that's that.
American Idol is really hotting up at the moment, what with all that singing and crying and blah blah blah. But the big question is, who's going to win? It'd be sensible to ask the American Idol judges. But who? Not Simon because his teeth might burn a hole into your retinas. Not Paula because you'd want a legible answer and not the new judge because she looks so much like the photographer from Just Shoot Me that it honestly freaks us out. So that leaves Randy Jackson. And he says a boy will win American Idol. So that's that.
