Dane Bowers - HecklerSpray

Dr Heckler Says: Our Celeb Pals Get Sad On Twitter, We Say All the Right Things.

August 7th, 2012 By Sophie Hall

Alright, another hollerin’ at the back. So then. What the hell is going on here? And why do we still visit this wretched website, and why do our children all live in cabins where they currently do not have phone connections? – We hear you cry! ?Don’t worry, we’ll give you a leg up.

So, we've all had our run-ins with the ol? Twitter dot com over the past couple of years, haven't we? ?O, the scandal that have been caused! O, the incensed exhales we have expended! O, The Macarena! It was all going so well.

Alas as it came to stand, somewhere down the line, the social networking database has met with disaster, and heartache, like in that film The Social Network, about the other social network. Then in came the cruel side of Twitter: The superinjections, the brain of Natalie Cassidy, and of course the having of an Alan Sugar Twitter account.

Paranormal Activity III Has Premiere In Big Brother House & No-One Famous Turns Up

October 20th, 2011 By Michael Park

Premieres for big blockbusters usually take place in cinemas with names like ODEON, CINEWORLD, GRAUMAN’S or BOGNOR REGIS CINEMASCOPE but it seems that the makers of Paranormal Activity are positively itching to associate their horrifying, overdone claptrap with Channel 5’s flagship horrifying, overdone claptrap.

And, as such, the premiere of Paranormal Activity III took place in front of a star-studded audience inside the Big Brother compound proving once and for all that crossover episodes are never as realistic as you hope.

It had been expected that Channel 5 would take the opportunity of having a scary film playing in the compound to systematically murder all of the housemates and celebrities who were assembled inside and the world (100 people whose remotes were broken) watched on with bated breath, waiting for the axe-murderer to be released into the house.

Katie Price Loves Harold Shipman & Wrote A Book But She’s Never Said Anything Purely For Publicity’s Sake

July 28th, 2011 By Sophie Hall

You really think you have the energy to hear this? Sure about that, are we? Let's just take this slow, just in case. Let's not get lodged inside something dark and unyielding and then regret it afterwards (Extract from Antony Costa?s Bedroom Memoirs, 2008) So. Katie Price has written another book.

You should know the drill by now, because of that time you accidently walked into a Newsagents and bought Heat Magazine regularly for two years. Just in case you don't ? here?s the situation we're facing. After having had some sex with Dane Bowers, Peter Andre, Katie Waissel, and most recently a hired homosexual gentleman ? Katie Price?s career as a businesswoman was for some reason being somewhat overlooked. It was then that Katie discovered her greatest talent ? ringing someone up and asking them to write a book for her. A great author was born (but that’s not relevant).

Today saw the launch of Katie?s latest literary delight in the shape of ?The Comeback Girl?. A story about something, or other. Pssh. Bloody pretentious Pulitzer fodder, if you ask us.

Celebrity Big Brother: Final Week, Who’ll Win?

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

There was another Celebrity Big Brother double eviction on Friday night, with Sisqo and Stephen Baldwin getting the chop.

Frankly we’re heartbroken. We had high hopes that Stephen Baldwin would end up winning Celebrity Big Brother. He was Celebrity Big Brother‘s Jedward. He could have gone on to release a cover of Ice Ice Baby with Vanilla Ice had he won. But no, you people made sure that would never happen. You idiots.

Still, this is the final week of Celebrity Big Brother and, like it or not, someone’s got to win. Let’s find out who it’ll be…

Celebrity Big Brother: Heidi, Katia & Sov Up

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Oh thank God for that. This time last week it looked as if Celebrity Big Brother had got its mojo back.

It hadn’t, of course. Now it’s clear that the closest thing to a celebrity in the Celebrity Big Brother this year is a woman who was on Coronation Street for a short amount of time a year ago, the audience has fallen away again, with people only tuning in out of a mixture of snow-induced tedium and profound self-loathing.

However, Celebrity Big Brother is still going – with Heidi Fleiss, Katia Ivanova and Lady Sovereign first up for eviction – so we’d better see how all the housemates are doing, right? Hooray for everything…

Celebrity Big Brother 2010: This Year’s Band Of Cack-Awful Dullards

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Celebrity Big Brother is here again, for the very last time. Oh, at least try to look excited, would you?

Because when it’s gone, it’s gone for good. And where will you get to see barely-famous Z-listers debasing themselves in a series of horrific ways for a comparatively meagre amount of cash when it’s over? What? Hotel Babylon? Oh.

But anyway, as is our wont, we’ll be dipping in and out of Celebrity Big Brother over the next few weeks to keep you up to date about whatever dreary self-promoting nonsense the housemates happen to be getting up to. But before that, let’s look at this year’s collection of Celebrity Big Brother subnormals, shall we?

Peter Andre Joins Elite Celebrity Group…

August 7th, 2012 By Josh Burt

It was a great day for romantics when Peter Andre managed to?croon his way into Jordan’s sleeping bag out there?in the Australian jungle.

She was playing impossible-to-get, he was making up songs called Lady, Please, Just Let Me Touch Them, and singing them directly to her without once breaking eye contact. Their eventual marriage came as no surprise. And neither, unfortunately, has their split.

Jordan has ruined many a great man along the way. So, Andre, once you’ve stopped crying, you will hopefully appreciate the great shoulders you are now rubbing alongside…

Four Horrendous Popstar Decision Makers

March 25th, 2009 By hecklerspray staff

It must be excellent being part of a successful young pop group.

You get to travel the world, stopping occasionally to jump around on stage, then, in the evening, you can wile away the hours brainlessly passing groupies around, necking gin. You don’t have to think for yourself, which makes certain popstar decisions near impossible to understand.

Below are four maniacs who decided to brave the world on their own, only to realise that they’d probably just made a massive mistake…