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Dancing On Ice

Dancing On Ice Betting Odds: Chris Fountain To Win (Again)

by Stuart Heritage

The Dancing On Ice semi-finals take place on Sunday, and we couldn’t be more excited if you spoon-fed us to a billy goat.

The Dancing On Ice semi-finals are always an exciting time, though – it’s where the creme de la creme of celebrity ice-based dancing show off what they’ve learnt with one final push to get them into the final. It’s where we’ll bid farewell to the ice dancer who couldn’t quite make it. It’s where, oh who are we kidding, it’s where we can celebrate only having to watch one more episode of Dancing On Ice for another year.

But who’ll win Dancing On Ice this year? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Chris Fountain, with help from Paddy Power…

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Dancing On Ice Betting Odds: Suzanne Shaw To Win?

by Stuart Heritage

We bring you today’s Dancing On Ice betting odds in a triumphant mood, because we’ve just figured out something fantastic.

Last wee we whined that Dancing On Ice had a funny little obsession with bombastically telling everyone that each week is even more serious than the last, and that we wanted the show to have a silly opening for once. And what did we see on Sunday’s Dancing On Ice? A silly opening. Dancing On Ice listens to us! We feel so powerful! Now, this Sunday we want to see Philip Schofield present the entire show in a giant sombrero. Dancing On Ice, it’s over to you.

But who’ll win Dancing On Ice? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Suzanne Shaw, with help from Paddy Power…

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Dancing On Ice Betting Odds: Will Gareth Gates Win?

by Stuart Heritage

It goes without saying that our favourite ever themed episode on Dancing On Ice is Props Night, because it offers the best opportunity for the stars to injure themselves.

But what did the Dancing On Ice contestants have to play with on Sunday? A hat? An umbrella? A table? Dear oh dear, these were some shit props. If Dancing On Ice ever makes it back for a fourth series, let’s make Props Night serious. We want to see celebrities dance with a hod full of bricks, an angry dog and a swarm of wasps. At once. Deal? Is that a deal, Schofield?

Anyway, who’s going to win Dancing On Ice? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Gareth Gates, with help from Paddy Power…

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Dancing On Ice Betting Odds: Greg Rusedski Out, Who’ll Win?

by Stuart Heritage

Greg Rusedski was knocked out of Dancing On Ice during yesterday’s quarter-final – an especially good innings for someone so utterly lacking in dancing ability.

Greg Rusedski managed to pull his best routine yet out of the bag on Sunday, with a performance to Goodbye Yellow Brick Road starring a table and a broom. We say his best routine yet, but Greg somehow managed to drop his broom right at the start like some kind of clumsy janitor with a giant chin. Still, compared to the messes that all his other routine, Greg’s dance yesterday was a masterpiece, even though he basically just twirled a broom about for a bit. But enough’s enough.

Who’ll win Dancing On Ice? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Zaraah Abrahams, with help from Paddy Power…

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Dancing On Ice Betting Odds: Chris Fountain

by Stuart Heritage

Dancing On Ice returns to our screens on Sunday, and there’s just one question in our minds ahead of it.

Which part of Holly Willoughby’s body is she going to let dangle out of her frock this time? She’s let her boobs and her back dangle out now, which by our reckoning only leaves her belly button and bumhole. What’s it going to be? Belly button or bumhole? Sadly, Paddy Power hasn’t got round to opening its Belly Button Or Bumhole betting market yet, so we’re just going to have to bleat on about that Hollyoaks goon instead.

Who’ll win Dancing On Ice? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Chris Fountain, with help from Paddy Power…

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Dancing On Ice Betting Odds: Suzanne Shaw

by Stuart Heritage

On Sunday’s Dancing On Ice, Holly Willoughby told us that “This week, things get serious.”

Sound familiar? It should do, because if you listen to Dancing on Ice, then things have been getting serious ever since that cleaner woman was still it. We thought things were already serious, but now we hear that things only got serious on Sunday? We can’t tell you how embarrassed that makes us feel. The only way that Holly Willoughby can fix this mess is for her to open this week’s Dancing On Ice by announcing that things are getting significantly less serious this week, and that everyone’s basically just going to dick around for an hour. Then we’ll feel better.

Who’ll win Dancing On Ice? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Suzanne Shaw, with help from Paddy Power…

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Dancing On Ice Betting Odds: Zaraah Abrahams To Win?

by Stuart Heritage

If you saw Dancing On Ice on Sunday, you’ll have noticed that nobody mentioned the night’s theme. Well, we’re here to tell you that the Dancing On Ice theme was, in fact, Everyone Is Rubbish Night.

Honestly, Sunday’s Dancing On Ice represented the highest density of cock-ups in an hour since Denis Norden skidded around a stage coated with vaginal lubricant while trying to present It’ll Be Alright On The Night 184. Greg fell over, Linda almost got dropped on her head, Zaraah looked terrified and Chris Fountain didn’t injure himself so badly that he had to leave the show. Like we said, a disaster all round.

But who’ll win Dancing On Ice? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Zaraah Abrahams, with help from Paddy Power…

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Dancing On Ice Betting Odds: Linda Lusardi Bombs Out

by Stuart Heritage

If you heard a desperate wail at about 9pm last night, chances are it came from a middle-aged man distraught that Linda Lusardi had got knocked out of Dancing On Ice.

Having got her best score of the series last week, Linda Lusardi was buoyed up with confidence for last night’s routine to Suddenly I See – something she displayed by knackering her partner’s wrist and almost slicing his ears off in rehearsals, and then scrabbling around upside down trying to grab at his trousers like a surprisingly niche prostitute during the actual routine itself and the skate-off. Still, at least Linda Lusardi managed to get one reference to her tits in before she went home – so at least it wasn’t a completely upsetting day for the middle-aged Lusardi fans.

So now there’s no more Linda Lusardi, who’ll win Dancing on Ice? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Greg Rusedski, with help from Paddy Power…

If you heard a desperate wail at about 9pm last night, chances are it came from a middle-aged man distraught that Linda Lusardi had got knocked out of Dancing On Ice. Having got her best score of the series last week, Linda Lusardi was buoyed up with confidence for last night's routine to Suddenly I See - something she displayed by knackering her partner's wrist and almost slicing his ears off in rehearsals, and then scrabbling around upside down trying to grab at his trousers like a surprisingly niche prostitute during the actual routine itself and the skate-off. Still, at least Linda Lusardi managed to get one reference to her tits in before she went home - so at least it wasn't a completely upsetting day for the middle-aged Lusardi fans. So now there's no more Linda Lusardi, who'll win Dancing on Ice? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Greg Rusedski, with help from Paddy Power...
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Dancing On Ice Betting Odds: Gareth Gates To Win?

by Stuart Heritage

Dancing On Ice being on a Sunday now has ruined us. Now we spend all weekend with our nose pressed against a clock screaming “Hurry up! Hurry up Dancing On Ice!” and then, when Dancing On Ice is over, the weekend is as well. Rubbish.

But, ahead of Sunday’s new Dancing On Ice, do we have any clues about what the show will contain? No. No we don’t. If we did even the slightest amount of research beforehand then maybe we would, but we didn’t so we don’t. So instead we’ll just guess that Sunday’s Dancing On Ice is Scandinavian Death Metal Night and the required element involves kitten sacrifice. It’s probably right.

Who’ll win Dancing On Ice? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Gareth Gates and Chris Fountain, with help from Paddy Power…

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Dancing On Ice Betting Odds: Suzanne Shaw To Win?

by Stuart Heritage

The idea of Dancing On Ice is just so brilliant, isn’t it?

It’s like watching normal celebrities dance, but on a slippery surface with huge metal blades strapped to their feet. That’s great – but it’s not perfect. The number of ways for celebrities to injure themselves could be increased so easily. Dancing On Ice is good, but Dancing On Spinning Ice With Landmines And Circular Saws That Randomly Swing Across Your Path is clearly better. We hope you’re writing this down, ITV.

Anyway, who’s going to win Dancing On Ice? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Suzanne Shaw, With help from Paddy Power…

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