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Dancing On Ice

Dancing On Ice: Ellery Hanley Wobbles Off

by Stuart Heritage

Oh Dancing On Ice, how could you do this to us? First you get rid of Todd Carty and now Eller Hanley too?

Ellery Hanley was voted off Dancing On Ice last night, and for a very good reason – although he could easily beat you in a fight, his ice skating is dreadful. To be fair, Ellery’s routine last night to Come On Eileen had some good points. It’s just that none of them happened to include ice skating. Truly, the man was awful.

So, Ellery Hanley’s out, but here’s the Dancing On Ice rundown for Melinda Messenger and Donal MacIntyre…

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Dancing On Ice: Jessica Taylor And Ray Quinn (Again)

by Stuart Heritage

Here it is again, the fourth and final installment of this week’s Dancing On Ice contestant rundowns.

But before we get into any of that, did you know that both Philip Schofield and Holly Willoughby are now on Twitter? It’s true, and it’s fuelled our desire to see Dancing On Ice completely Twitterfied by the end of the series. There’s still a long way to go, though. Twitter.com/baldyskeletorjudge doesn’t even exist yet. For shame.

Anyway, here’s the Dancing On Ice rundown for Jessica Taylor and Ray Quinn…

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Dancing On Ice: Coleen Nolan & Zoe Salmon

by Stuart Heritage

Oh, the Dancing On Ice midweek lull. How we hate you.

Last week’s show is now fading from memory, and we still have over half a week before the next one begins. What will it bring? Who’ll skate well? Who’ll skate badly? What desperately pre-rehearsed facial expression will Skeletor Judge pull when everyone boos his name? How many times will Holly Willoughby say ‘thank you’ to the judges within the space of one sentence? More than five? We just can’t wait to find out.

In the meantime, though, here’s the Dancing On Ice rundown for Coleen Nolan and Zoe Salmon…

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Dancing On Ice: Ellery Hanley & Roxanne Pallett

by Stuart Heritage

You know, the more we think about it, the more annoyed we are that Dancing On Ice got rid of Todd Carty on Sunday.

Because, really, what fun is left to be had from Dancing On Ice now? The opening Torvill And Dean dance number? Um, no. The catty banter between the judges? We’d rather be smashed in the face with a hammer. The distant possibility that Donal MacIntrye is going to scar his face really quite badly? Oh yes. That.

So here’s our Dancing On Ice rundown for Ellery Hanley and Roxanne Pallett…

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Dancing On Ice: Todd Carty Gone! NOOOOOO!

by Stuart Heritage

Right, our last reason to watch Dancing On Ice has now vanished for good – Todd Carty’s been voted off.

Don’t you people understand? Todd Carty was meant to be the glorious popular underdog all through Dancing On Ice, and he was supposed to win it. And he was supposed to make a mockery of Dancing On Ice and kill it off forever. But, oh no, you have to go and make it all about ‘skating’, don’t you. Bleurgh.

Anway, here’s part one of this week’s Dancing On Ice rundown, for Melinda Messenger and Donal MacIntyre…

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Dancing On Ice: Jessica Taylor & Ray Quinn

by Stuart Heritage

If it’s Thursday, it means it’s our last Dancing On Ice rundown of the week. And we’ve saved the best for last.

By ‘best’ we obviously mean ‘most likely to win’. Because, let’s be fair, they’re hardly the best examples of people, are they? A woodstained monosyllabic northerner and a boy that looks like a character from a wartime propaganda cartoon? Oh, do come on.

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Ladies and gentlemen, the Dancing On Ice rundown for Jessica Taylor and Ray Quinn…

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Dancing On Ice: TODD CARTY! Plus Others

by Stuart Heritage

Time for another Dancing On Ice rundown. You can thank us however you want, although we do prefer cash.

But first – the Dancing On Ice judges. Has anyone else noticed that Ruthie Henshall seems to be gunning for Skeletor Judge’s crown as most deliberately nasty judge? Time after time she’s given the lowest marks of any of the Dancing On Ice judges. Thank heavens that Ben From Lost Judge is still there to balance it all out. Phew.

Anyway, here’s our Dancing On Ice rundown for Zoe Salmon, Roxanne Pallett and Todd Carty…

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Dancing On Ice: Melinda Messenger & Coleen Nolan

by Stuart Heritage

As well as being the show where everyone decided that they didn’t like Michael Underwood, Sunday’s Dancing On Ice was special for another reason.

And that was the return of Christopher Dean. For the last few shows Christopher Dean had been out of action with an injury, so he had been unable to open the show with a fancy skating routine. But on Sunday, he and Jane Torvill were back doing what they do best – dressing up like a gay waiter and a chavvy single mother respectively. Hooray!

Anyway, here’s our Dancing On Ice rundown for Melinda Messenger and Coleen Nolan…

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Dancing On Ice: Michael Underwood Crashes Out

by Stuart Heritage

Our Sunday evenings won’t be the same anymore – we won’t have to hear a whiny bloke moan about his ankle any more.

That’s right, Michael Underwood is out of Dancing On Ice. We think we know why, too – and it has nothing to do with his Dancing On Ice routine to Kiss last night, either. No, the reason is because Michael managed to drop his partner on her face during rehearsals yesterday. Break your own bones, that’s fine, but trying to break someone else’s and you’re out, sunshine.

So, with Michael Underwood gone, here’s our Dancing On Ice rundown for Donal MacIntyre and Ellery Hanley…

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Dancing On Ice: Ray Quinn’s Going To Win, The Little Sod

by Stuart Heritage

It’s the fourth and final day of this week’s hecklerspray Dancing On Ice rundown, so you’ve got a few days off before it all starts again.

So what are we most looking forward to on Sunday’s Dancing On Ice? Well, Todd Carty, obviously. And that’s about it. Oh, and the empty sensation that we’re wasting our lives. Those two things. Mainly the second one, now we come to think of it.

Anyway, here’s our Dancing On Ice rundowns for Zoe Salmon, Jessica Taylor and Ray Quinn…

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