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Dancer

Think you’re a good dancer? When shaking your ‘thang’ (Jeezis! We just said ‘thang’. Feel free to kill us now), do you adopt the third person and see yourself throwing wonderful shapes like you’re in Studio 54?

Alternatively, do you like to dance but are acutely aware of the fact that you’re fist-chewingly awkward, rattling around the dancefloor with all the grace and poise of a cat being forced into a bath?

Either way, there’s a man who exists on this awful planet of ours who will make a mockery of your stupid dancing. Seriously. Even though he’s moving around to some pretty lousy dubstep (the worst genre since trance was a thing, yet soon to be overtaken by ‘witch house’ which has made us laugh like flushing toilets), he will make your eyes pop out on stalks. Click over and watch a video that will make you never dance again.

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kevin-federlineRemember when K-Fed had a dancer’s body? Sure it was covered in bad tattoos, cornrows made without the aid of a mirror and a layer of congealed body grease, but still – it was a dancer’s body.

And he used that body to scoop up Britney Spears and steal her away to a life most view as exotic fantasy and wonder.

Well he’s not scooping things up with that body any more. Except burritos, corn chips, and maybe an entire half-pig flame-broiled and basted.

What we’re getting at here is the man has gained weight – and boy has he!

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