Fashion designers are a funny breed aren’t they? No other profession is full of characters that are religiously followed and praised for their movements. Do you monitor the work your local builder does? Course you don’t you arrogant tool. Do you keep up to date with what a professional footbal- oh.
All you have to do is say the name Marc Jacobs and people who know their stuff will tell you that you won’t be able to fill a wardrobe full of his creations for less than £30. That’s more for the fashion ‘working class’ like us, who’ll have to stick to Primark onesies and tear-stained sweatshirts.
A jumper from Marc Jacobs is likely to set you back £400+. All because people are morons and pay the price for organic, free range camel pubes. You know, as opposed to those ones you get from battery camels.
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The stars of Twilight are starting to realise that breaking away from Twilight will be harder than they thought.
Look at Robert Pattinson. His new film Remember Me limped into the lower quarters of the weekend box office on Sunday precisely because he wasn’t playing a creepy old vampire who keeps trying to have it off with schoolgirls. And, admit it, it’s only a matter of time before Taylor Lautner gives up acting to become a full-time dancer for gay chatline commercials.
But Kristen Stewart? She knows that the only way to secure an audience for herself post-Twilight is to dabble in half-hearted lesbianism every now and then. That’s why – ahead of her new film where she kisses Dakota Fanning – Kristen Stewart has called Lady Gaga ‘hot’. It’s controversial – not because of the lesbian implications, but because only an idiot would think that Lady Gaga is hot.
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That Kristen Stewart is such a lucky girl – she gets to kiss all the hotties. Robert Pattinson. Taylor Lautner.
Dakota Fanning. Honestly, she’s – hang on! Dakota Fanning? The creepy four-year-old from War Of The Worlds? What the hell is Kristen Stewart doing kissing Dakota Fanning? Doesn’t she realise that Dakota Fanning a) is a girl, b) is about four years old and c) permanently carries the grim, haunted expression of a girl who’s just been asked to show a policeman where daddy touched her on a doll?
Oh, it was all for a non-Twilight related film? Phew, that’s good news. At least this way nobody will actually end up seeing it.
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The Runaways is an important film for Kristen Stewart – it’s her chance to show that there’s more to her than sparkly vampires.
It’s important for Dakota Fanning, too. But for different reasons. You see, if the newly-released The Runaways trailer is anything to go by, the film is Dakota Fanning’s chance to prove that she can waggle her boobs around in an unsettlingly sexy piece of lingerie. That’s Dakota Fanning. Who, last time we checked, was about four years old. Yikes.
You can watch the new The Runaways trailer after the jump – complete with full hecklerspray scene-by-scene analysis – but remember: if you do watch it, you’ll probably end up on some sort of pervert register. She’s four years old, for crying out loud.
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If you’re a 14-year-old girl with an unhealthy crush on Robert Pattinson, we have two pieces of news for you.
One: don’t worry, you’ll grow out of it soon. Two: you should probably start practising how to make your eyes all big and haunted, because mimicking Dakota Fanning has just become your best shot at sneaking onto the New Moon set to launch yourself at Robert Pattinson and tear at his face and scream and cry.
That’s because Dakota Fanning has become a New Moon castmember, ending months of… no, not speculation. What’s the word? Teenage incontinence? Yes, that’s it.
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The headline’s comparative – if you’re 14 years old, that means Dakota Fanning is really excited about Twilight 2.
But if you’re not then Dakota Fanning could completely ignore Twilight 2 and she’d still be more excited than you. Because, as a normal person with a normal person’s idea of the difference between good and terrible, you couldn’t be less excited about Twilight 2 if it came with a written confirmation that the final scene would involve Robert Pattinson being kicked in the testicles by a furious mule.
Anyway, Dakota Fanning is more excited than that. Because she’s almost definitely going to be in Twilight 2 now.
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As popular as Twilight was, it didn’t really fill anyone’s quotient of spooked-out kids who put the willies up everyone.
Teenagers with comically bad haircuts, yes. But Twilight just didn’t have as many freakishly intense, frighteningly composed big-eyed children who look like they crawl out and eat your thoughts at night as we expected. But that doesn’t matter, because Dakota Fanning could be in Twilight 2 and she’s exactly that.
According to reports, Dakota Fanning will play Jane in New Moon, a vampire who ‘creates illusions of pain’. We’ve seen Hide And Seek, so we know she’s great at that already.
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