Sometimes a piece of news comes along that makes us genuinely confused – people, get ready for that news.

You know Cynthia Nixon from Sex And The City? She’s got fans. Actual fans. Not people who say that they like her to be ironic, or because they think that liking Sarah Jessica Parker would be too obvious. She’s got fans. The sort of hysterical logic-defying fans who’d storm onto the set of Sex And The City 2 just so they can be close to her.

It’s weird. But at least they weren’t Kim Cattrall fans. That would have really freaked us out.

The first Sex And The City movie was a box office phenomenon, taking hundreds of millions of dollars and easily becoming the most successful movie about four funny-looking middle-aged transvestites in the history of cinema. And because of its success, the world is now full of lonely women who think that drinking cocktails and saying the word ‘fabulous’ a lot makes them look impossibly sophisticated, when in fact they still look exactly like the depressed, unloved recruitment consultants that they actually are, only slightly more desperate.

But we digress. These women all like to compare themselves to one of the major Sex And City characters. They might compare themselves to Sarah Jessica Parker, the eloquent and fashion-conscious leader of the gang. Or they might prefer to align themselves with Kristin Davies, the conventionally beautiful prude with an alarming sideline in possible sex tapes. Or maybe Kim Cattrall, the outrageous drunk one who’ll sleep with anyone because it stops her from confronting the realisation that she’s going to die miserable and alone.

Or, the other one. There is another one, right? The ginger lesbian who nobody really likes? Yeah, her.

Well here’s something startling – Sex And The City 2 started filming in New York this week and, if reports are to be believed, the biggest fan draw so far is the ginger lesbian who nobody really likes. In fact, the hysteria surrounding Cynthia Nixon was so enormous that one of her scenes had to be pulled. The San Francisco Chronicle reports:

Filming for the “Sex and the City” sequel had to be halted on Wednesday after hysterical fans tried to overpower security to get closer to Cynthia Nixon… A source tells New York Daily News, “People were screaming and trying to push past guards. The fans were just too much. Security looked legitimately concerned for her (Nixon’s) safety.”

We honestly can’t get our head around this. Fans going crazy for Robert Pattinson we can understand, because his fans are all teenage girls and screaming and crying and loss of bladder control are what teenage girls do whenever they’re not talking too much or cutting themselves. But Cynthia Nixon? 43-year-old ginger hard-to-like lesbian Cynthia Nixon, star of Sex And The City and hardly anything else? Look, we know a lot of famous people have died recently, but there’s no need to lower your standards that much, is there?

Anyway, as a result of this bewilderingly inexplicable Cynthia Nixon hysteria, security has been stepped up for the remainder of the Sex And The City 2 shoot. And, when the inevitable Sex And The City 3 happens, fans won’t be able to get anywhere near its stars. Admittedly that’s because everyone will be so old by then that the entire movie will be set in a convalescent hospital for sufferers of chronic osteoporosis, but that’s hardly the point.

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All of a sudden everyone’s bisexual, everyone.

The Big Brother people, Megan Fox, the one from Black Eyed Peas – everyone. Unfortunately, we’re not impressed one jot, because, frankly, being bisexual is a doddle. The ones we really look up to are the lesbians. And to prove it, here’s a list of the greatest lesbians walking the earth…

Jodie Foster

Jodie Foster kept us all umming and ahhing for years about the state of her lesbianism, before casually outing herself during an awards ceremony acceptance speech. It was a move akin to OJ Simpson admitting murder at a parent’s evening. She gives lesbians a good name by not conforming to dungareed stereotypes, and having an air about her that suggests bisexuality is totally out of the question. Women only for this chick, fellas.

Martina Navratilova

Of course, now we all know that at least fifty per cent of women tennis players are actually married or going out with one another, but it took Martina to open our eyes to the sexual side of the lady’s tour. In amongst the drippy young things with their fluttering eyes and puff ball skirts, there she was, steely eyed, and cock out. Metaphorically speaking.

Cynthia Nixon

Otherwise known as the ginger one from Sex in The City, Cynthia was probably fourth choice to most regular viewers. Unless, of course, you happen to be a lesbian, in which case she probably topped the list. Why? Because she’s a bloody great big lesbian, just like you are. Although she’s a ginger one.

Alex Parks

For those who can’t remember, Alex was the foghorn voiced lesbian who won Fame Academy a few years ago. She is a fine example of a lesbian who managed to break free from the shackles of her youth, and shine like a bright lesbian star. Unfortunately, that star has totally faded, and now she’s just another washed up lesbian who could have had it all, but has nothing. Just her lesbian friends, and her own lesbianism.

Sinead O’Connor

The lesbian jury is still out on the extent of Sinead O’Connor’s lesbianism. She’s been married more than once to BLOODY MEN, she’s had something like four kids. But in an interview in 2000, she said “I actually am a lesbian.” Would a non-lesbian say that? Would they? We’re not sure.

Portia de Rossi

Even though she’s got blonde hair and a great body, Portia de Rossi isn’t just being lesbian to turn her boyfriend on, she actually is a lesbian! In fact she’s so lesbian that she decided to gay marry Ellen DeGeneres, who is a famous American lesbian. Two lesbians. Married.

Lindsay Lohan

Child star, drugs, then lesbian. That’s your Lindsay Lohan.

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Thanks a lot Carrie Prejean. You’ve spent the last month blathering on about gay marriage and look at the consequences.

The main consequence is that we’ve been forced to remember that Cynthia Nixon exists. Cynthia Nixon, the ginger one off Sex And The City famous for being a) a lesbian and b) not even in anybody’s list of top five Sex And The City characters, has got engaged to her girlfriend.

See? Even Sex And The City stars can have same-sex marriages. Except Sarah Jessica Parker – it’s so hard to find a mutant horse/woman hybrid who isn’t married these days.

Despite all this hoo-hah about Miss California, the truth is that gay marriage is progress. Just look at Cynthia Nixon from Sex And The City. If she’d been born a few centuries ago, her desire to get married to a woman would have seen her burnt at the stake as a ginger, not especially popular witch.

But now? Now Cynthia Nixon has announced her engagement to longtime girlfriend Christine Marinoni and nobody bats an eyelid. Like we said, it’s progress in action – even ginger lesbians get to experience the long, flat, joyless, gnawing, sex-free trudge to the blissful freedom of death that is marriage. One day, in around 20 years’ time, Cynthia Nixon is going to be sitting in her lounge in silence, thinking genuinely murderous thoughts about her wife because she sometimes picks her ear and wipes it on her trousers, and she’ll thank the gay rights movement, we tell you.

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Cynthia Nixon, the only lesbian in the principle Sex And The City cast – all the others appear to be pre-op transgender males, by the way – is getting engaged to Christine Marinoni and that is that. MSNBC reports:

Cynthia Nixon announced her engagement to girlfriend Christine Marinoni on Sunday at a rally for gay marriage, a source on the scene told Access Hollywood. According to the source, the “Sex and The City” star told the crowd at the Love, Peace and Marriage Equality rally in New York City that she became engaged last month.

This is a groundbreaking announcement for two reasons, really. Firstly, this is the first time that Cynthia Nixon has announced her engagement to a person who she won’t eventually come to resent because they’ve got a penis, and secondly this is bound to be the precursor to the only lesbian honeymoon sextape in history that nobody would ever watch, not even if you paid them and held their immediate family at gunpoint. So, you know, congratulations for that.

But how will Cynthia Nixon’s engagement affect the production of Sex And The City 2? If the answer to that question is anything other than ‘it has caused the production of Sex And The City 2 to be postponed indefinitely’ then the true answer is ‘not nearly enough’.

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Why? Rather than wanting to spend money on all kinds of stupid trailers and posters and crap, they’ve just sent the Sex And The City stars out to depress all of us with harrowing personal anecdotes until our resolve has been weakened to the extent that we’d actually consider watching the Sex And The City movie, that’s why.

In this edition: Cynthia Nixon, the ginger one from Sex And The City who’s really a lesbian, had breast cancer 18 months ago. Let’s go!

This summer, movies are going to have to battle harder than ever for the hallowed box office number one spot. There’s an Iron Man movie, a Batman movie, an Incredible Hulk movie, an Indiana Jones movie, a Narnia movie, a Star Wars movie and all manner of other movies shouting to be heard above the din.

But the Sex And The City movie doesn’t have that problem. Sex And The City has fought the promotional war on three fronts so far. First came the stunt casting, with Jennifer Hudson and the mayor of New York all signing up for extended cameos. Then came all the ‘leaked’ photos from the Sex And The City set. But that was just the beginning.

Because hidden up Sex And The City’s sleeve was a promotional device so fiendish that we’re surprised nobody has tried it first – all the Sex And The City stars started to divulge their innermost secrets, however shameful or embarrassing they are. For starters Sarah Jessica Parker revealed how upset she was when she was called the world’s ugliest woman, and then that was swiftly followed up by the Kristin Davis sex photos. Hard to beat, huh?

Not a jot, because Cynthia Nixon – who plays Miranda in Sex And The City – has just announced that she had treatment for breast cancer recently. And, as we all know, cancer beats both nudity and odd facial dimensions by quite a margin.

Cynthia Nixon revealed her cancer story to Nightline, as BBC News reports:

“I didn’t want paparazzi at the hospital while I was going through this,” said Nixon, who said that one of the few people she shared the news with was partner Christine Marinoni. The 42-year-old told the ABC network programme that she felt a diagnosis of breast cancer was likely as her mother had suffered from the disease. “I felt scared. I thought, ‘Oh, I don’t want this to be happening’. I was very cognisant of if it’s going to happen, this is the best way for it to happen, that it’s found so early and we can just get right on it,” said Nixon.

As horrible as going through a scare like that sounds, Cynthia Nixon apparently responded well to the course of radiotherapy and surgery that comprised her breast cancer treatment, and she’s fighting fit once again.

So with Sarah Jessica Parker, Kristin Davis and now Cynthia Nixon relieving themselves of their darkest secrets, that just leaves Kim Cattrall. Kim’s kind of left it a bit late – if she’d have jumped in earlier she could have said any old crap about herself and it would have done, but now she’s let Cynthia Nixon jump in ahead of her, she has to top cancer.

The big question is, can she do it? We’re not sure she can, not unless she used to keep slaves and had a side job as a back-street abortionist that she can tell us about.

Let’s just pray that she did, for the Sex And The City movie is counting on it.

Read more:

Nixon reveals secret cancer fight – BBC