Cynthia - HecklerSpray

A-Rod Settles His Divorce, Which Is No Fun At All

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Hands up who wanted the Alex Rodriguez dissolve into pointless messy public accusations and talk of sordid sex with Madonna – oh, right, you all did.

Well tough luck, because Alex Rodriguez doesn’t care about what you want at all. In fact, Alex Rodriguez hates you so much that rather than drag the divorce from his estranged with Cynthia out for months and months of hateful squabbling, he’s decided to quickly and privately reach a confidential settlement with her instead. The great big tosspot.

Still, at least now that Alex Rodriguez is properly divorced he’s free to chase after his soulmate Madonna. Or, if Madonna still hasn’t left Guy Ritchie yet, the nearest alternative – the wizened old lady who lives near him and sits on the park bench playing with herself all day. Go hit that, A-Rod.

A-Rod’s E-Vorce From C-Rod Progressing in a Dull Fashion

March 24th, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

Divorce is never a fun thing – a lot of us have experienced it either first hand or through parents.

So it’s a good thing that celebrity divorces are full of such fun and delights to keep us all entertained, helping us forget that the whole experience can be physically and mentally exhausting, as well as devastating on an emotional level.

Thank Thor then, as it would seem that A-Rod’s divorce is something of a trailblazer when it comes to this new breed of entertaining divorces, or e-vorces, as we’re not really going to call them. And for once it’s not all down to the involvement of Madonna.

A-Rod Divorce Now Includes Lots Of Stuff About Spies

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Megastars, religion, brainwashing, oddly-placed swearwords – what else could Alex Rodriguez’s divorce possibly be missing?

Oh yeah, that’s right – marital espionage. Luckily Alex Rodriguez’s soon-to-be ex-wife Cynthia has cottoned onto this and decided to accuse Alex of having her followed and tapping her phone.

If it’s true and Alex Rodriguez has been spying on Cynthia’s movements, it’s a pretty low thing to do. Imagine if Cynthia secretly bugged Alex – he wouldn’t like it very much, would he? Of course, it’d be easy for him to tell – if Cynthia was eavesdropping all the conversations between A-Rod and Madonna, then she’d have ended up being brainwashed into joining a spurious-looking religion as well. Foolproof.

A-Rod’s Wife Gets All Divorcey, Sort Of Blames Madonna

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Marriages come to an end for all sorts of reasons, but one of the biggest is suspecting that your husband's been brainwashed into having sex with a gap-toothed 50-year-old.

And that appears to be the thing that's brought an end to the marriage between Alex Rodriguez and his wife Cynthia. She's just filed for divorce from Alex following claims that he's been involved in a bunch of secret extramarital Kabbalah nooky sessions with Madonna.

Madonna denies any romantic involvement with Alex Rodriguez, but it seems like Cynthia isn't taking the bait. She'll win her man back, that's for sure – she just needs to become the sort of woman that A-Rod likes these days first. Just watch him come running back once she's botoxed her face into total paralysis and had several metres of grotesque artificial vein surgically implanted under the skin of her arms!