No, because the producers of Smallville have struck upon another idea for a confusing, myth-raping TV show about a young superhero. Robin. Yes, Robin from Batman and Robin. But set before he met Batman. So basically a TV show about an annoyingly earnest little boy without any superpowers, then.

Still, that’s not going to stop the show from being made. It’s even got a name already – The Graysons. So, to correct our earlier mistake, this Robin programme will be a TV show about an annoyingly earnest little boy without any superpowers that sounds like it’s a bad 1970s sitcom. Can’t wait.

The Dark Knight has been such a barnstorming success that it’s already started a wave of frenzied speculation about who’ll appear in Batman 3. Some people want Johnny Depp as The Riddler, some people want Cher as Catwoman – but nobody, nobody at all, has even entertained the idea, even for a second, that Robin will be in Batman 3.

And it’s sort of easy to see why. As Batman’s overenthusiastic glass-half-full little helper, Robin is essentially Batman’s Scrappy Doo, except he does gymnastics, is considerably gayer and would be marginally more difficult to drown in a binbag. Robin is rubbish. Robin is so rubbish that the last lot of Batman movies went toxic the second that Robin was even mentioned.

However, Smallville is coming to an end soon – which is good, because it was starting to run the risk of being an allegory for puberty about a 40-year-old man who still lives with his parents – and CW needs something to replace it with. And people liked Smallville, right? And Batman. People like Batman. And Robin’s part of the Batman mythology, isn’t he? So why not make a Smallville-style TV show about the early years of Robin?

Why not? Because it sounds crap, that’s why not. But a little thing like common sense isn’t going to stop a gold-plated idea like this, as MSNBC reports:

The producers of CW’s “Smallville,” along with “Supernatural” exec producer McG, have a pilot in the works based on the Batman’s sidekick Robin, called “The Graysons,” Variety reports. “The Graysons” will reportedly chronicle the life of a young Dick “DJ” Grayson before he suited up to fight crime with the Dark Knight as Robin.

Do you see what they’ve done there? They’ve decided to call Robin DJ, because naming him after a cool job will easily make up for the fact that he’s a rubbish underdeveloped moon-faced infant gymnast who may as well be played by the little girl from the Narnia movies in a TV show set long before he developed a secret identity and became even halfway interesting.

But maybe The Graysons won’t be as bad as we’re making out. Maybe The Graysons will be just what television audiences need – a Littlest Hobo-style TV show about a family of nomadic gymnasts who travel from town to town, always managing to defeat local criminals by utilising their gymnastic skills.

It’s an excellent idea, and we can’t wait for episode one, where Robin goes after a gang of handbag-snatching hoodlums armed with only his eternally sunny mindset and a long satin ribbon attached to an industry regulation glassfibre rhythmic gymnastic stick.

However, Beverly Hills 90210 shouldn't get used to holding that title, because a show that looks set to be even lamer has been announced – a modern-day Beverly Hills 90210 spin-off. 

That's right – the CW network is resurrecting Beverly Hills 90210, Frankenstein-style. However, the Beverly Hills 90210 spin-off doesn't have a cast or a writer yet – it only exists as an idea in the mind of a particularly evil television executive who we're hoping is quite tall. That way he'll be more likely to knock his head on a low ceiling beam and give himself some sweet sweet amnesia.

Spin-offs are never a particularly wonderful idea, as anyone with memories of Joey, Saved By The Bell: The College Years or the short-lived Knight Rider spin-off about KITT hilariously trying to raise an adorably ramshackle gang of endearingly dysfunctional multiracial adoptees will attest.

But worse than regular spin-offs are spin-offs from woefully vacuous 1990s shows about obscenely well-off la-di-da youngsters bimbling around Los Angeles in chinos and pikey stonewash denim jackets. But, despite our near-biblical warnings, some moron has decided to make a Beverly Hills 90210 spin-off anyway, as Reuters reports:

The CW network is developing a contemporary spinoff of Aaron Spelling's seminal 1990s teen soap "Beverly Hills, 90210," sources said. Details on the project — including which if any of the characters on the original series will make the transition to the spinoff — remain sketchy. The spinoff, which is close to getting a writer, has been put on the fast track by the network. It is expected to decide whether to order a pilot by the end of the month.

By the end of the month? These people are actually going to wait a full 19 days to give into the screaming in their heads and stabbing pain in their stomachs that they encounter when they even think of making a Beverly Hills 90210 spin-off?

Look, CW, we know it looks tempting. After all, none of the original Beverly Hills 90210 stars are doing much these days apart from crashing their cars and stealing other people's husbands, and giving employment to waifs and strays like them might make you feel good for a minute or two. But look at Melrose Place – that was a Beverly Hills 90210 spin-off so bad that the star might have sort of but not really tried to kill herself this week.

Do you want that on your conscience? Do you? Oh, what the hell, go and make the bloody show anyway – it's not like other networks are paying attention to the dangers of making awful spin-offs. Not only do we have the Family Guy Cleveland spin-off to look forward to this year, but Fox is also developing a spin-off from Prison Break set in an all-female prison. And if it thinks we're going to fall for the old 'lesbian jailbird' ruse again, well, it's sorely mistaken. Right boys?

Boys? Oh, for God's sake, pull your trousers back up boys. You're just embarrassing yourselves.

Read more: 

"90210" spinoff on fast track – Reuters