custody battle - HecklerSpray

Charlie Sheen And Brooke Mueller Agree Custody Deal That Doesn’t Involve Suitcases Of Cocaine Or Anything Fun

June 2nd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Remember when Charlie Sheen was worth writing about? Okay, it looked like he was going to die and everything, but we don’t care about him emotionally. We just want to mock a stranger’s misfortune right?

So he went about the world saying dumb things about his tiger blood, his fondness for porn actresses and the fact his penis is a cucumber filled with E.Coli or something.

Since then, he went on tour and got in a custody battle, poking him into becoming a massive, massive bore. Even the woman he was in the legal wranglings with, Brooke Mueller, went to rehab and failed to make Sheen vaguely interesting again.

Charlie Sheen Upsets Ex With Rehab Joke And Threatens To Tour The World

May 9th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Charlie Sheen’s Violent Torpedo Of Truth tour has been hobbling around America, confusing and dumbfounding people and making people too thick to think titter every stinkin’ time he wheels out the whole ‘Uh, winning!‘ thing.

Until now, this dreadful spectacle has been confined to the boundaries of mainland America… but not for long. That’s because Sheeno is planning on hauling his pasty backside all over the world where, with any luck, he’ll find out just how tiresome humans find him.

And while he’s at it, he’s violating terms of his custody agreement, which could see him hilariously losing the right to see his long-suffering kiddiewinks. Defeat, it would appear, is most certainly an option.

Charlie Sheen Gets Lifeline From Denise Richards In Now Boring News Item

April 19th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Remember when Charlie Sheen was fun to write about? Remember that? He had people cowering in cupboards, suitcases of cocaine and had a nervous breakdown before our very eyes. And now? He’s gone from meme to admin. How terribly dull.

Instead of standing on rooftops waving a machete around, he’s involved in a boring tour and tangled up in a load of boring court tape.

And so, to provide some brief distraction, his ex wife has gone into rehab and another ex, actress Denise Richards, has appeared from nowhere to say that she’ll look after Sheen’s children for a bit. Yes. We’re writing about babysitting.

Halle Berry’s Ex, Gabriel Aubrey, Seems To Be A Jealous Little Chump

February 17th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

So, Halle Berry has been accused by some of being a dirty racist for believing in the ‘one drop theory’, while her ex, Gabriel Aubrey has also been accused of being a racist because he wants everyone to say his daughter is white.

Personally, we don’t care what colour it is. We just want it to grow up into a nutter like Nicole Richie or Lindsay Lohan. Rich kids always end up jerks, right? Even the ones who make amazing pop records like ‘Whip My Hair’. Willow Smith – destined to be a dead-eyed narc fiend or cult leader.

Anyway, we’re talking about Halle Berry. Apparently, her and Aubrey (who sounds like a ’30s country singer) are still at loggerheads, acting like children (possibly vaguely racist children if you believe they’re that sort of thing) and… well… this is just about the most interesting thing Berry has ever done. Ever.

Kim Kardashian Unhappy To Get Caught Up In Halle Berry Custody Case While Ex Allegedly Insists That Not White Baby Is White

February 4th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Halle Berry’s custody case is one of the most boring stories to hit the headlines, ever. Much like her career actually. And so, to liven the whole thing up, Kim Kardashian’s name is being thrown around for absolutely no reason at all.

That’s how low this story has sunk.

With accusations of racisms blowing around about Halle’s ex, Gabriel Aubrey, the whole sorry scenario has got people wringing their hands and worrying about the poor, poor child involved. Waa waa. Worse still is that this child is being thought of a completely forgettable by celebrity no-mark, Kardashian. Seriously.

Halle Berry’s Ex, Gabriel Aubry, Is Being Accused Of Being A Massive Racist

February 3rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Yesterday, we talked about what a gigantic spoilsport Halle Berry is. She selfishly decided to act like an adult and not air her filthy linen in public, leaving us to guess why she was worried about the safety of her daughter when with her ex-bloke, Gabriel Aubry.

Well, no thanks to Halle, but rather, a load of scurrilous rumours and hearsay, it seems we have an answer!

Yessireebob, people are pointing at Gabriel Aubrey and muttering “great big dirty racist git” under their breath.

We Hate Halle Berry Because She Only Gives You Half The Gossip About Custody Scrap

February 1st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Halle Berry is a well fancied woman. That’s because she looks like a white man designed her, ironing out all the blackness out of her, save only her tone. And she’s really boring. She’s such a crashing bore that sometimes, we prefer conducting conversations with the dead flies on our windowsill.

And so, with a rare moment of drama in her life, we find our Halle having a fight with her ex-husband!

That’s right! Berry is throwing all that amicable split nonsense out of the window in favour of an ugly brawl and may well just start trash talking in the press! Hopefully, years of built-up resentment will come erupting from her little mouth with such venom that the sky will go pink with embarrassment.