Just recently – just yesterday, in fact – it seemed to all that, like Kurt Cobain and Vincent Van Gogh before her, Britney Spears had reached the end of the line. The feeling was she had nothing left to give – and that all she needed now was one small, gentle push into death’s eternal release. Ahh.

But, unlike like Kurt and Vince before her, she has seemingly decided that she actually does have something more to offer and that she is going to tour the world, giving it out for about $100 dollars a ticket!

To all of us who’ve once thought ‘what if Kurt hadn’t died?’ the remainder of Britney Spear's life will no doubt offer the answers we’re after. Maybe nothing, maybe everything, will be justified.

The singer/dancer is said to be in training to hit the road again, which perhaps puts an end to previous ‘Britney’s next step’ rumours, such as becoming a regular on a TV sitcom, or playing the role of a deep-south mental patient on stage, but who knows – perhaps she could do all three?

Imagine if Kurt survived! He may have ended up as a regular on Friends? As Phoebe’s new boyfriend, who doesn’t quite fit into the group because he’s ‘like, so serious?’ and when Chandler makes a sarky remark about Kurt’s uptight demeanor he just gets up and executes them all and then himself. If only he’d lived. Like Britney has been and is doing! Woop-woop! 

A source tells the News Of The World:

"There will be no more on-stage blunders. Britney’s turned a corner and the world will be amazed with her. Things are looking up for Britney. She's finally focusing on her career again."

And the positivity doesn’t even stop there! Britney’s former manager, Larry Rudolph (sacked for trying to get her into rehab) has told Ryan Seacrest on his KISS FM radio show:

"I've seen her a few times over the past week or two. I've spent some time with her just socially. I've gone up to the house. I've sat with her. She's in great shape, I couldn't be happier to see the condition she's in. But this is not a time to talk about business with her. What she needs now is the public to be on her side and root for her, because she deserves it and that means a lot to her. I can't think of a situation where somebody's been set up for a bigger comeback than that girl."

Good for Britney Spears.

It seems all this attention we’ve been giving her is working after all. We told you we cared.

Read More – Britney's back…for $100 Million – NOTW

Read More – Britney's in great shape, says ex-manager – MSN 

According to Daniel, “Motherfucker was crazy,” and, “It was the drugs.”

“He tried like hell, though,” she says. “He’d wear you out. That man died trying to come.”

Well, this is joyous news. Nobody likes a drugged-up 70-year-old trying to come more than hecklerspray. And if anybody tries to tell you different, it’s a goddamn lie.

Daniel went on to regale GQ with a story concerning Mr. Brown that is so brilliant we’re not even going to try and change the words, so here it is verbatim:

"One night in the summer of 2001, after he’d slathered her in Vaseline (“He liked you all greased up,” she says. “Like a porkchop”) and wore her out trying to come, he gave up and left the room, and Gloria dozed off. When she woke up, Mr. Brown was standing at the foot of the bed in a full-length mink coat over his bare chest, a black cowboy hat, and silk pajama pants with one leg tucked into a cowboy boot and the other hanging out. He had a shotgun over his shoulder and a white stripe of Noxzema under each eye. “I’m an Indian tonight, baby,” he announced. “C’mon, let’s let ’em have it.” Then he dumped a pickle jar of change on the floor, told her to get a machete, and went out to the garage. He took the Rolls, drove ten miles to Augusta, weaving all over the road, clipping mailboxes, smoking more dope, and screaming about being an Indian."

Sweet Jesus. Go back and read it again. Go on. We’ll wait right here. Done it? How great was that?

James Brown truly was the last of the great mental musicians. Jim Morrison’s gone. Keith Moon’s gone. Who, of our unfortunate current lot, is going to do such wonderful things? You won’t catch Dan Gillespie-Sells of The Feeling or Luke Pritchard of The Kooks drinking a bottle of cough medicine through their eye and then pissing it onto a television as it falls from a fourth-storey window onto a granny. This is the kind of behaviour we want from our rock stars!

RIP James Brown. Hecklerspray misses you.

Read More – Papa – GQ Blog