As we’ve already made abundantly clear on this very day, no-one wants to see myriad bands reforming to remind us of why we thought they were a bit awful in the first place.We thought we’d just get that out of the way to start with.
Secondly, the answer to the question ‘Why do bands reform?’ is never ‘For the music, maaaaaaannnnn.’. It is, invariably, “for the money, maaaaaaannnnn.”
Whether we like it or not, the music industry is a big wheel that keeps on turning, spewing out derivative crap with every clicking cog. That’s not the problem, it really isn’t. There is still good music out there and even some of the launched faeces eventually breaks down into a diamond.
Read More >>>
Justin Bieber’s brattish behaviour is well documented… mainly on these pages, but still. He is. While he’s barely developed a solid skull or fingernails, he’s still managed to grow a resentment for the world that is borderline impressive.
And so, when JB’s CSI co-star, Mary Helgenberger, claimed that he was “kind of a brat” on set, which saw the walking egg punching a cake full on in the face, he’s decided to hit back.
The crooning baby has kicked his little legs and thrown all of his toys out of the pram and branded Mary Helgenberger’s comments as “kinda lame.” SUCK ON THAT HELGENBERGER!
Read More >>>
We’ve been telling you all for ages that Justin Bieber is a jumped-up little brat. Most didn’t believe us (who could blame you?), but now, his CSI co-star, Mary Helgenberger, has dished the dirt on the little shit’s stroppy behaviour.
Helgenberger, who plays Catherine Willows, has had a pop at the amniotic popstar after being left distinctly unimpressed with the way he acted on-set.
This all comes on the back of a whole bunch of events that underline Bieber’s snotty attitude. He’s been scalded by staff on a recent flight, been seen flipping the bird at photographers, treating his fans with disdain, causing a ruckus in a holy place, allegedly cheating on his girlfriend Selena Gomez and now, worst of the worst, he’s punched a cake in the face.
Read More >>>
Bless Justin Bieber. The constant drip-feed of his every action keeps sharks like us in articles and screaming moo-brains like you in tittle-tattle. It is this tittle-tattle that keeps you mentalists in the belief that you, like, reeeally know Justin… like… he’s more like a friend than a famous person… he’s like, totally down to Earth.
You simpering great tits.
Anyway, the latest drip-tray offering is that Bieber has been hilariously hospitalised during filming a scene in CSI. So what’s happened? A massive fall while doing a stunt, breaking his bendy, underdeveloped spine? He accidentally tore off his umbilical cord when it got caught in a door? Of course not – this is Justin Bieber and it’s as pathetic as the chorus to ‘Baby’.
Read More >>>
Dita Von Teese, stocking wearing, burlesque performing, porcelain doll and former wife of Marilyn Manson has offensive boobies. That’s according to CBS. Not us. We kind of like them.
The ever-so-lovely-if-a-little-bit-anaemic Von Teese was filming a guest appearance in CSI. She will be playing a teacher who, shock-horror and surprise, moonlights as a burlesque performer.
Well, ping our garter elastic, there’s a surprise! A burlesque performer playing a teacher who is, in fact, a burlesque performer. We hope that is not the big plot twist of the episode.
Read More >>>
Bottle magnet and prepubescent underpant creamer, Justin Bieber, has been approached to appear in another episode of CSI, show bosses have confirmed. It must be lovely to know that all your clever writing and camera work is completely drowned out by the sound of screaming simpletons.
TV execs don’t care though. They love the spike in interest that Bieber pretty much guarantees. Anyway, there are various reports stating that Bieber, who stars in the crime drama’s 11th season premiere, has been asked to reprise his role as a “troubled teen who is faced with a terrible decision regarding his only brother”.
The quandary being “Do I tell him that I’m going to sing at him until his eye sockets bleed, or not?” Read More >>>
Oh, not really. Justin Bieber wasn’t arrested for his stupid haircut. He was arrested for his annoying voice.
Oh, not really. Justin Bieber wasn’t arrested for his annoying voice. He was arrested for his ridiculous shaved-chipmunk face. Oh, not really. Justin Bieber wasn’t arrested for his ridiculous shaved-chipmunk face. He was arrested for beating a woman to death with a hammer and then stealing her money to fund his heroin addiction.
Oh, not really. Justin Bieber wasn’t arrested for beating a woman to death with a hammer and then stealing her money to fund his heroin addiction. He wasn’t even arrested. He just pretended that he was for an episode of CSI, and then took a picture of it, and now that counts as news. Oh, shut up.
Read More >>>
The Justin Bieber phenomenon is a strange one. Naturally, he’s not the first dancing foetus to capture the hearts and minds of a planet’s pubeless, but nevertheless, he’s a strange one. Y’see, way back when, tiny crooners were all sexless and hokey. Think of Little Jimmy Osmond, New Edition and Aaron Carter. Now we’ve Justin Bieber who thrusts his tiny little hips and talks like Poochie from The Simpsons – “Wassup man, how you doin’?… “It’s like, you know, whateva’ “.
And the trick works. There’s countless videos on YouTube of his mental fans screaming and fainting at the mere mention of his name and, in one case, a real life version of Frogger is played out as lanky 12 year old girls dodge cars as they run after him – who happens to be travelling at 30mph in a limo. Idiots. Fandom doesn’t make you suddenly become Usain Bolt.
So he can (kinda) sing and make small girls produce a milky substance. What next? Acting of course. Read More >>>
