criticism - HecklerSpray

Malawi Now Thoroughly Sick Of Madonna

March 14th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Now that Jesus, Lady Diana and Mother Teresa are all dead (yes, yes, they still live on in our hearts), a variety of celebrities have tried to step up to the plate and save the world from itself. How incredibly noble and altruistic of them.

We’ve got Bono glaring at famine, Geldof glaring at famine, Wogan hiding behind a teddy with one-eye, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie trying to adopt every child on Earth and Madonna… well… pestering Malawi.

And Malawi is, quite frankly, sick of her sticking her oar in.

Americans Are Stupid Enough To Like Keira Knightley

January 31st, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Have you seen Domino? It’s just about the worst film ever made. That includes the ill-advised Garbage Pail Kids movie which some idiot wasted his money on making. And the reason that Domino is so bad lays entirely at the feet of the godawful Keira Knightley – an English accent designed to occupy a thong.

Of course, criticism and Keira are common bedfellows. Where Knightley goes, people muttering about how dismal she is, is never far away.

Apart from in glorious America, where they’re dim enough to like her. The USofA is just about the only country gullible enough to buy her schtick of being a not-ugly posh English girl of no-fixed-talent. And she’s noticed.

Amy Childs Gets The Hump With Her Ex Castmates Slagging Off Her New Show

December 6th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

God bless national stereotypes, without them, some comedians wouldn't be able to fill the first twenty minutes of their stand-up gigs. The loveable Irish are regarded as potato munching drunks whilst the Welsh have a fixation with sheep for some reason.

It would be difficult for TV producers to get away with creating shows that mock entire nations. So they did the next best thing: Mock people from particular regions! Step right this way, Geordie Shore, Desperate Scousewives, Made In Chelsea and the originator, The Only Way Is Essex.

Inexplicably, TOWIE is three series old and still going strong. However, one of the stars of the shitgramme won’t be returning. Amy Childs is off to do her own thing ? which actually just means annoying people on another TV channel.

#NaNoWriMo Is Upon Us! Show Your Uninspired Wares!

November 1st, 2011 By Michael Park

Yes it’s that time of year where Twitter is all aflutter with talk of moustaches and novels. The nights have finished drawing in and the drunken abandon of Hallowe’en has passed into the forgotten annals of Facebook albums to be ignored until next year.

Winter’s here and it’s a time for soup, fires, books and growing a moustache and forgetting to do it for charity (yeah, you’re supposed to get yourself sponsored, you unbearable poseur). Winter’s also a time of reflection when we look back and realise that we’ve done nothing to inspire or improve the world. You know, that feeling that everyone gets where they want to make the world a better place by forcing their insufferable platitudes upon an uninterested populace?

Well, most people.

Elton John Thinks That Music All Sounds The Same Today Before Writing Third Version Of Candle In The Wind About It

October 19th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Elton John is good value for money because he’s an outspoken old bitch. Over the years, he’s glammed up his work with a variety of outlandish outfits and even more unbelievable wigs. And now, he’s making ridiculous claims about pop music.

This is despite the fact he did a duet with insipid boy-bland, Blue.

In his attack on the music industry, he said that today's songwriters were ?awful? and warned that television talent shows failed to produce any genuine stars. Weird he should say that when The X Factor is primarily a television show as opposed to a breeding ground for musical talent. It’s a bit like slagging someone off for buying, say, Watford FC and moaning about the fact they don’t produce decent footballers.

Vatican Not Such A Fan of The Golden Compass

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

You don't want to get on the wrong side of the Vatican – not only does it have the power to send you to hell, but it can also deliver quite a nasty movie review, as The Golden Compass is discovering.

The Vatican newspaper l'Osservatore Romano has launched a scathing attack aimed at The Golden Compass, and what it calls the movie's "cold and hopeless world." Quite what the Vatican's problem is with The Golden Compass, a movie about shifty-eyed bishops trying to kill children that may as well be called All Catholics Smell Of Bumholes, we don't know. But when you go and see The Golden Compass, just you remember that it isn't really the Pope's cup of tea. He much prefers Piss Crazy Lesbian Sluts 2, you see, and says it's a high watermark of the piss crazy lesbian slut genre. Or something. Possibly.