Articles tagged with: crime
GUEST BLOGGER: Jordan Wants To Bum Rapists
Introducing the first of our new squadron of guest-bloggers, Jamie Ross from the utterly wonderful cancerouscapers.blogspot.com... There are many things to admire about Jordan. After all, it can’t be easy looking after such massive tits - especially when one of them is Peter Andre. This is why that, when Jordan speaks, literally everyone in the world listens. Barack Obama’s inauguration held little significance for Jordan as she encounters frenzied crowds of millions almost everywhere she goes, chanting her name and hanging on to her every utterance.
Introducing the first of our new squadron of guest-bloggers, Jamie Ross from the utterly wonderful cancerouscapers.blogspot.com... There are many things to admire about Jordan. After all, it can’t be easy looking after such massive tits - especially when one of them is Peter Andre. This is why that, when Jordan speaks, literally everyone in the world listens. Barack Obama’s inauguration held little significance for Jordan as she encounters frenzied crowds of millions almost everywhere she goes, chanting her name and hanging on to her every utterance.
Follieri Blames Anne Hathaway For Him Ripping Everyone Off
OK, we take it all back, we never want to be Anne Hathaway's boyfriend - it turns out that you have to actually rob God to keep up with her. Just look at poor old Raffaello Follieri. He faces four years in jail for a litany of wire fraud offences stemming from his fraudulent claims to be close to the Vatican, but none of it is his fault. In fact, if you want to blame anyone you should point the finger at people like his moviestar ex-girlfriend Anne Hathaway. According to Raffaello Follieri's lawyer, he only start conning people out of their savings to keep up with the lavish lifestyle that celebrities like Anne Hathaway lead. And there isn't a single reason why we shouldn't believe him, except that Raffaello Follieri is a convicted conman and Anne Hathaway has perfect skin and dreamy eyes that you could drown in. Oh screw it, we're going on the rob as well. Hathaway must be ours!
OK, we take it all back, we never want to be Anne Hathaway's boyfriend - it turns out that you have to actually rob God to keep up with her. Just look at poor old Raffaello Follieri. He faces four years in jail for a litany of wire fraud offences stemming from his fraudulent claims to be close to the Vatican, but none of it is his fault. In fact, if you want to blame anyone you should point the finger at people like his moviestar ex-girlfriend Anne Hathaway. According to Raffaello Follieri's lawyer, he only start conning people out of their savings to keep up with the lavish lifestyle that celebrities like Anne Hathaway lead. And there isn't a single reason why we shouldn't believe him, except that Raffaello Follieri is a convicted conman and Anne Hathaway has perfect skin and dreamy eyes that you could drown in. Oh screw it, we're going on the rob as well. Hathaway must be ours!
Lee Ryan Out The Running For Father Of The Year
For ages, hecklerspray believed that the most intimate act a married couple could engage in was the exchange of saliva when ramming their tongues down each others throats. However, we were proven wrong when we were told that a couple can prove their love for each other by 'creating a baby'. This literally knocked us back, throwing into disarray our previous notion that a child is created using flour, the tears of an orphan, vanilla extract, nail clippings and the sweat from a man/woman depending on what sex you wanted the child to be. In days gone by, people would takes months to even kiss each other - never mind engage in any sexual goings on. Having a baby would only happen a good few years after marriage, under the eyes of God and surrounded by an approving society. However, we now live in a culture where a girl will flash her tits for half a pint of lager or for a couple of cold chips. So just imagine our disgust when we found out our number one celebrity fan and all round grasper of swear words Lee Ryan has left his pregnant fiancée of eight months.
For ages, hecklerspray believed that the most intimate act a married couple could engage in was the exchange of saliva when ramming their tongues down each others throats. However, we were proven wrong when we were told that a couple can prove their love for each other by 'creating a baby'. This literally knocked us back, throwing into disarray our previous notion that a child is created using flour, the tears of an orphan, vanilla extract, nail clippings and the sweat from a man/woman depending on what sex you wanted the child to be. In days gone by, people would takes months to even kiss each other - never mind engage in any sexual goings on. Having a baby would only happen a good few years after marriage, under the eyes of God and surrounded by an approving society. However, we now live in a culture where a girl will flash her tits for half a pint of lager or for a couple of cold chips. So just imagine our disgust when we found out our number one celebrity fan and all round grasper of swear words Lee Ryan has left his pregnant fiancée of eight months.
Noel Gallagher Now Officially A Very Old Man
Noel Gallagher isn't so much the voice of youth these day as the voice of weirdly arrested lad-dad Tim Lovejoy clones who refuse to accept that it isn't still 1996.
Or that's what we thought. Turns out we were being a little bit hopeful - in actual fact Noel Gallagher is slowly morphing into a Daily Telegraph letter-writer. While picking up an award recently, Noel decided to speak out about hoodies and knife crime and how it's all probably got something to do with computer games.
He went into a little more detail than that, but anyone wanting to hear more of Noel Gallagher's thoughts on society would be well advised to buy the forthcoming Oasis album Bloody Immigrants (And Don't Get Me Started On The NHS).
Police No Longer on a Mission Try’na Find Mr Warren G
The early to mid-90s were an excellent time for that whole 'rap' thing. Yes there was still the glamourising of violence, the drugs, the objectification of women and the explicit language - but at least it didn't involve 50 Cent or P Diddy, or whatever in God's name he's called now. It was a safer time when white kids in the suburbs could dream of their gangsta heritage without fearing for how much 'bling' they were wearing, a time when people could look forward to a Tupac release that wasn't posthumous and one when Mr Warren G had released 'Regulate'. You know the song. Everyone does. It was on the soundtrack to 'Above the Rim', which wasn't as good as 'White Men Can't Jump'. It had Bernie Mac in it, so it really was never going to compete with the might of Wesley and Woody.
The early to mid-90s were an excellent time for that whole 'rap' thing. Yes there was still the glamourising of violence, the drugs, the objectification of women and the explicit language - but at least it didn't involve 50 Cent or P Diddy, or whatever in God's name he's called now. It was a safer time when white kids in the suburbs could dream of their gangsta heritage without fearing for how much 'bling' they were wearing, a time when people could look forward to a Tupac release that wasn't posthumous and one when Mr Warren G had released 'Regulate'. You know the song. Everyone does. It was on the soundtrack to 'Above the Rim', which wasn't as good as 'White Men Can't Jump'. It had Bernie Mac in it, so it really was never going to compete with the might of Wesley and Woody.
