Victoria Beckham Gets Face Slathered In Poo Beauty, real beauty, isn’t skin deep. Wait – no wait – beauty is skin deep. It’s all those internal organs that aren’t. Also the veins are jammed way down deep in there. And you know what? All that inside stuff can be as ugly as it needs to be, because those things usually aren’t what have to pose for pictures and such. Unless you’re unfortunate enough to get our Uncle Morty as a mortician. Taking pictures of things with their skin off is a definite passion of his. You should have seen it when he had the former mayor down there. It was gorgeous. You know what else is gorgeous? You – but only when you properly exfoliate with the grainy dung of a nightingale. Don’t be ashamed – nowadays bird poo is as essential to true attractiveness as tooth paste and hair conditioner. It’s good enough for the Beckhams you know. They smear themselves with it all the time.